(Closed) Partner not invited to wedding – WWYD?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is the couple justified in inviting me alone?
    Yes : (21 votes)
    12 %
    No, but mentioning it would also be rude - just decline the invitation : (54 votes)
    31 %
    No, but ask your friend whether your SO is invited, maybe she just forgot : (102 votes)
    58 %
    No, so it was probably a mistake - just RSVP yes for both of you : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

    If you live together, it would be proper ettiquette for them to invite your SO. That said, if these people are that close to you and know you live together, then they didn’t put your SO’s name on the invitation on purpose. It’s because they either couldn’t afford you to have a plus one, or they simply didn’t have the room on their guest list. Either way it was rude of them to not invite him. HOWEVER, they obviously did it purposely, and if you’re offended/not willing to go to the wedding without him, then simply and politely decline. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think you should just ask her. I don’t think that’s rude. I think it would be a little silly to decline just to find out it was an oversight and he was invited all along! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

    @Vandykins, but if they already knew she lived with him, they would have addressed the invitation to him as well, unless they really have no clue how to send an invitation.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @4cube:  I’ll raise you, got invited to my cousin’s wedding alone… fiance was not invited, the wedding is 1000 miles away, so it would mean flying, renting a car & staying in a hotel.

    Even though it’s my cousin and I love her a lot, I won’t be taking time off work to travel alone to the wedding.  If it was local though, I would probably go by myself.

    I’m going to ask her though if it was just an oversight before I decline the invitation.

    I honestly think it’s rude to invite only one half of an established couple, but it’s clear from how many times stories like this are posted that not everyone feels this way.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    he definitely should have been invited, and they were rude not to invite him.

    But asking is just uncomfortable and impolite.

    It is clear who was was not invited. Accept orr decline as you see fit.

    If they meant to include him and see you respond just for you they will call and ask you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @4cube:  honestly, I would ask her, and if it makes her feel uncomfortable… well, she was looking for it.

    you can be super nice about it. how about an email/text/fb message? “hey! i received your wedding invitation, loved it. i noticed that it says only my name; i was wondering if my SO is invited as well. love!”

    Post # 11
    Member
    2855 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @DreamingofDiamonds:  happened to me too, I was living in CT with my boyfriend (who my cousin knew all about), and she only sent an invitation to me–wedding was in Florida. But then she also sent an invitation just to my mother and failed to include my two sisters on the invite. I assumed we were all invited…I couldn’t go, but it was still weird.

    Post # 12
    Member
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @pineapplez17:  Glad I’m not the only one!  It just boggles my mind because her and I are close enough that I called her when FI and I got engaged… can’t imagine why he wouldn’t be invited with me to the wedding.  Not to mention, all the rest of her family is local, I am literally the only one that doesn’t live in the state, you’d think she’d make an exception even if she was really trying to keep her numbers down.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @cwedding14:  But the thing is we don’t know who was doing her invitations, could it have been a mum etc? Or it could be the bride is super stressed and just forgot? We just don’t know.  If they’re close enough to get an invite to the wedding, then i don’t see the harm in asking clarification.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

    @MrsVandykins: I can see that…I get your point of view. I just think that even if a parent was doing the invitations, they would usually consult with the bride/groom to make sure wanted friends were on the list. I guess I could see where they could ask, but if it was me I probably wouldn’t. 

    Post # 15
    Hostess
    3381 posts
    Sugar bee

    Technically if it’s only addressed to you then it’s only you invited.  But I’ve read a lot recently of people not knowing this and just assuming that one name means “and your SO too of course!”.  And since you live together modern etiquette would say you’re one unit and therefore he should be invited.

    You could read it in the traditional form and either decline the invite or go alone.

    OR you could politely ask your friend.  But if the answer is “no” or a variation of “we’re tight for space” take it graciously. Please don’t do what my brother did at a family friend’s wedding and offer to pay for the plate (I was mortified!!!)

    Post # 16
    Member
    805 posts
    Busy bee

    It’s a bit odd, I’d find out from the couple whether he’s invited. If they’re your friends it seems a bit dramatic to decline without even checking (politely of course!). Tbh, if the wedding is local and I knew people I’d still go anyway.

    The topic ‘Partner not invited to wedding – WWYD?’ is closed to new replies.

    Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
    I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

    Find Amazing Vendors