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Party Etiquette Questions

posted 4 months ago in Etiquette
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    1.
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    LadyEvar    June 17, 2014   Australia

    Hi Bees,

    I'm very recently engaged but have been unofficially planning for about 8 months now, so I've had a lot of ideas about how I want things to be without actually putting anything in motion.

    I'm the first of my friends to get married and I've only ever been to family weddings while I was growing up, so I'm not certain of the etiquette on a couple of things that are bugging me.

    Firstly I've got to say that one of the reasons I'm so unsure about how to proceed is that I moved across the country to live with my SO (now FI) about 14 months ago. All of his family and friends live here. While I've made a couple of new friends, most of the people I know here are co-workers and his friends and family (obviously I consider them my friends and family too). But all of my family and old friends are two flights away.

    After we started telling people here that we're engaged, a lot of people asked us about an engagement party. My FI said he'd never considered it before now. I know a lot of Bees have said that they don't think that they're necessary but my family has always had them. The thing is, I always thought that it was the bride's family's responsibility to throw the e-party, and that's obviously not an option here. I'm more than happy for us to have the party, but given that FI just wants me to do things my way, I'll already be taking a lot on when it comes to organising the wedding. I'm not sure I want to throw this party for ourselves. Is it normal for couples to be expected to throw their own party?

    The other thing that's bugging me is that people are already asking about a bachelorette party for me. The wedding is a long way off right now, we're just not in the position to start planning it. But all I want is a nice high tea with a few close female friends and family members, close to the wedding date so that everyone can be here with me. A lot of people seem to think I should have one party here and then fly back to my family home and have another one for everyone back home. This one really has me stumped because as I've said, I have no idea what the etiquette here is. Can anybody shed some light for me?

     
    2.
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    samanthajkellie    February 4, 2012   Australia

    @LadyEvar: I think when it comes to the bachelorette party thats totally up to you. I am going back home to have mine as I too have only been in this area for 12 months and all my friends family are back where I come from. Thats something that we only started planning last month and I am getting married in five weeks. So I wouldnt stress about that just yet.

    In regards to the engagement party, I think if someone wants to host it for you then great go ahead. My brother organised his own party. However we decided we didnt want one. No-one commented at all about the lack of e-party

    I think with these two its fairly much up to the individual couple as to what you want.

     
    3.
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    CarolineM    April 14, 2012  

    I was in a similar situation. I moved to Florida for my SO, now FI, from NY.  My parents threw an engagement party for us up in NY.  It was a great time to celebrate with the friends and family that we normally only see on special occassions now.  We had a great time, his parents also came up for the party and got to meet my family which probably wouldn't have happened prior to the wedding otherwise.

     

    It has been slightly complicated.  The wedding is in FL, but my I'm a shower in NY and my bachelorette up there. Then another shower down here. Hopefully everyone will be happy.

     
    4.
    Member
    1,502 posts
    Bumble bee
    SimplyChic11    December 30, 2011  

    Agree. Depending on where you live in the country and what social circle you are in, an e-party, or lack thereof, won't be an issue. Some people have them other do not and it's hardly ever mentioned. 

    People throw YOU an engagement party, very rarely will the couple throw their own but that's becoming more acceptable these days, especially with older couples and similar friend groups. 

    Your bridesmaids, MOH or female family members throw you and/or your fiance a shower. A bride should never organize her own. 

    Bachellor/rette- usually planned by friends or wedding party. 

    ultimately, a couple should talk about what they want and go along with the celebration ideas of those around them who offer to host, etc. 

    Hope all goes well! There are incredibly helpful wedding guides on the knot and miss manners online, just search! 

     

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