(Closed) Party Fatigue

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@she_might_be_modern:  

oh that is tough and I’ve been there and doing my best to avoid that.

See my ‘best’ friends from college live anywhere from 4-5 hours drive to 4-5 hour plane ride away…in fact one is in England.

I do NOT expect any of them to attend. I have underscored it to them many times. I expect my wedding to have around 50-60 people (including plus ones).

the same goes for family, my extended family and his extended family all live 10+ hour drives away, beyond his parents and his brother  I would not expect any of them to come.

For my extended family it’s already been passively discussed i’m just sending announcements to them after the wedding I don’t want anyone assuming they’re obligated to come…

 

I also have one BM who is a 5 hour drive; however i spoke with her on the phone and explained to her she totally could opt out, I had a back up and would have no issue with that as she is a now single mom with 2 kids, but she is also my best friend from college and also the only person who’s known me for over 10+ years that I still like, and probably visa versa πŸ™‚

 

point is, just be upfront and if these people are half way decent they’ll get it.

For my far away BM we’re covering a lot of her costs as a thank you- and we by NO means have a ton of money, we’re letting her stay with us for the weekend before the wedding and I’m covering her hair/make up and accessories. She probably has a dress to use so that makes it easy.

 

I hope this perspective helps.

 

I think the DW thing is overdone and becoming way to blown out of proportion. People get high and mighty on here about etiquette however if anyone goes back far enough engagement parties were designed for families to introduce their daughter/son into adulthood- as a couple- and were hosted by family/paid for by family when everyone lived 5 miles from each other.

 

now I think they’re totally outdated unless your family is old fashioned. that’s just my two cents.

also, a shower- my BMs want me to have a shower, with that we’re doing a non gift shower meaning a lower key Bachelorette- just an excuse to get together and drink basically without hardcore partying- if someone brings me something cool, if not oh well!

we’ve done what we can to circumvent greediness by i guess asking for the ‘most taboo’ which is a honeymoon registry; however becuase we’re using a non profit caterer who gives directly to the homeless and uses organic local food and we’re using a florist who resocializes the mentally ill with jobs etc, we’ve tried really hard to do a lot of things that give back and with a TINY budget because my dad’s dead and my fiance’s parents shouldn’t have to pay for the whole damn thing. But we do want to go somewhere so if even 1/3 of our honeymoon gets covered instead of another toaster i’ll be pretty stoked.

 

sorry this became a rant on my part πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
2686 posts
Sugar bee

I can relate.  I have some friends who are going a bit overboard with bridal showers and pre-wedding festivities.  I respect that they want to celebrate things before the actual wedding, but I only have so much money and time off from work.  

I’ve been getting some backlash from my family because I’ve said that I don’t want a bridal shower.  My FI and I purchased a house 1 year ago and have lived together for 2 years, so we have plenty of household items.  And many of my friends (including 3/4 of my bridesmaids) are in grad school, so I woould feel awkward asking them for more gifts as I know money is tight for them.  I’ve been thinking of doing a non-gift shower too, maybe over the holidays when I know a lot of out-of-town friends will be around my area.  But definitely something with no pressure or requirements.  As long as they can make it to the wedding, that’s what matters to me.

Post # 6
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@she_might_be_modern:  

yea 100% of what we spend on food goes right back into the community to feed the homeless. and then the florist does the same thing after flower costs are covered all of the ‘costs’ go into getting the formally mentally incapacitated into housing and with a plan of attack for life.

 

I’d much rather do something that helps the community while spending a shit ton of money then just spend a ton of money.

 

except the honeymoon- and i’m totally being selfish there. I have not been on a real vacation in over 6 years. I think I can want that a little bit…hehe

Post # 7
Member
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t have any problems with people wanting to have a shower, bachelorette party, and then wedding.  But I would never expect people to come to everything or get mad at them for not attending. 

If you can’t afford to go to some of the parties or weddings just decline.  Anyone who holds it against you isn’t a true friend IMO.

Post # 8
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@she_might_be_modern:  The problem isn’t the parties, but the size of them. I would never travel for a pre-wedding party. It’s just way too indulgent – whatever happened to it being a single night out? Nor would I attend a destination wedding under most circumstances. I think the need to travel (a long way) is always a valid excuse to miss a wedding.

Post # 9
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

The summer Mr. 99 and I dated, we went to 11 weddings…it was ridiculous!  It got to the point where we had a bachelor and bachelorette party on Friday, a wedding on Saturday and then I had a shower on Sunday, it was the perfect storm of both our family members and friends tying the knot….then one day I was talking to my mom about beig totally burned out and she said the most amazing thing, “Nona, honey the best thing about an invitation is your ability to decline one.”

After that, Mr. 99 and I just checked, No on the card and shipped a gift, we were done!

Post # 10
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh! I definitely hope the DW trend goes away soon! And the ultra Hen/Stag parties/500 showers!

Though I’m mostly jealous of everyone who can have one!

Post # 12
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Overall I don’t have a problem with extra parties, but I do think it’s wrong to pressure people into accepting invitations to everything. Especially if it’s long distance. If you don’t want to go – just decline and don’t worry about it.

@PugsandUnicorns:  If you’re into non-profit you could donate your flowes to a group that rearranges them and  then distributes them to homeless shelters, nursing homes, etc.

Post # 13
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

I feel this way about babies right now. Do we really need to do a gender reveal party, a baby shower, an ultrasound party, and a welcome home baby party!? We have yet to have friends that do all 4, but most seem to be doing 2-3 and it’s getting a little ridiculous. 

Post # 14
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JenGirl:  

yes we plan to do something with them after, when my dad died we did just that- i may also see if the florist could take them back and let the mental health patients that work with his center do something else with them, we definitely don’t want to waste things.

Post # 15
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@batwoman:  

I had no idea that many things even existed this may be my clear ignorance on babies, but geezus!!!

 

Mr Unicorn doesn’t have the ability to have kids, previous marriage got some things snipped etc…and I am indifferent. If we do we’re adopting and thank goodness we can skip all that crap- no offense, but if I were to have a kid it’s a present in my eyes for my partner and I and no one needs to be involved in any of that but us.

 

 

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