Party problems

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: What should he do?
    Not go to his party : (0 votes)
    Go with me to mine : (4 votes)
    80 %
    Tell his workers to come talk to me about it : (1 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    Just have a combined party. It’s 2014. We aren’t even having one! I refused a bachelorette party (my bms are doing a shower instead but i insisted it be co-ed) and explicitly, since before I ever met FI, have known that bachelor party is a deal breaker for me. I don’t like sex/gender exclusion. All of you just go out together, pig out, maybe have some drinks, and just say no to strippers. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    579 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    TimeWillCome:  I am going to suggest he tells them he doesn’t want one and that he will leave the party if there is one and then follows through… Our best man teased my dh continually about getting one because he knew my dh didn’t want one, thankfully we knew he was just joking but my dh handled it by making it clear that he would leave if there was one, plain and simple. Thankfully there wasn’t one but had there been, he would have left. To be fair, I don’t think you should say anything, it will just make them think he is saying he doesn’t want one because it’s what you want not what he wants. He should be man enough to handle this one himself.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1049 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I don’t understand the bit deal to be honest.  He’s not paying for it so the cost doesn’t matter and it isn’t a sexual thing, more of an embarrassment to the buck.  I’m sure the boys aren’t trying to be mean or nasty, it’s practically tradition for the groom to beg for no strippers, and his mates getting him one anyway.  It’s only one night and he wants to spend the rest life his life with you so I’m sure nothing nasty would happen.  I would make sure he isn’t just saying he doesn’t like it to placate you, I think guys are entitled to a big bachelor night before the wedding, after all, most don’t know they are meeting the love of their life the week before they meet you and so never get to celebrate the end of their singledom.  If it really isn’t what he wants at all, then he should be man enough to stand up to them and firmly request no strippers, maybe suggest something like going camping/hunting/fishing where no strippers can go.  I dont think his friends should have to come talk to you, that would just be social suicide in a guys circle.  No man likes to make it look as if his missus is the boss of him in front of all his friends. 

    IMO he should grin and bear it, but you guys will do what you will. Just PLEASE don’t talk to his friends about it. Do you really want to be mummying him over any friend conflict from then on, and do you want him to look soft in front of his friends?  He should be able to sort this conflict out on his own, if he can’t I would question his maturity.

     

    ps, bravo on having such an honest man though! 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    merpitymerp:  + 1000

    He needs to step up to the plate here and make his views extremely clear. What you don’t need to do is get involved and certainly, don’t go along to his bachelor party in order to play the role of stripper monitor.

    There’s nothing at all wrong with having a joint stag and hen party and I personally think they are a great idea. But this needs to be arranged as a joint party. Not be an event where you are the only girl who tags along. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    TimeWillCome:  If he doesn’t want a stripper, he can tell his friends, “I’m not coming if there is a stripper, and I will leave the party if a stripper shows up.” I don’t see what’s so hard about that?

    Why on earth would YOU say anything? Your fiance is a grown man who can talk to his friends himself.

    Post # 7
    Member
    330 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    OP, you need to stay out of this one. This is his battle, he needs to be a big boy and fight it himself.

    I do agree that often, a stripper at a bachelor party (or going to a strip club) is more about heckling the groom to be than about sex; my husband’s friends always go to the same gross strip club for bachelor parties.  It’s been the same place for 10 years’ of weddings now.  They don’t go cause the girls are hot or because it’s a sexy time, there are much nicer clubs they could go to if they wanted pretty, 20-something girls with all their teeth.  They go to this place because they take the groom to be up on stage, cuff him to the pole, and beat him up with like, riding crops and crap.  It’s not sexy at all, for anyone.  It’s just for the boys to get a good laugh at their buddy’s expense.

    That said, if you guys have defined the boundaries in your relationship a certain way, that’s your business, and he has to figure out what he’s willing to sacrifice to stay within those boundaries. His friends are going to think he’s a stick in the mud (and possibly whupped) if he doesn’t go along. If he’s ok with that, his choice is clear; stripper comes, he goes.  If he’s not ok with that, he needs to figure out how to gracefully handle the situation.  Maybe he could suggest a non-stripper-friendly outing?  Does he camp? Rock climb? PLay paintball? Anything outside and active?  Would they just settle for a big night out at a regular bar?

    You need to leave this to him, but be open to him if he comes to you and says “look, they won’t back off, and I don’t want to look like a turd.”  It might mean he just goes, gets through it, and forgets it ever happened.  And if you knew ahead of time and he was honest about it, is that really the end of the world?

    Post # 8
    Member
    1878 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

    Loved reason number 3! Hah!

    i don’t see why bachelorette/bachelor parties have to be all about sex. For my party, we went out to dinner, then to a bar to grab a drink. It was a lot of fun. That’s what my husband and his friends did too…

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