(Closed) "pass the hat" at a wedding? really?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have NEVER heard of that!  I agree, horrifying!

Post # 4
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Is that on top of the gift or is the money you put in the hat the gift?  Also how does she know that it’s happening?  Is this a cultural thing like a money dance?

Post # 5
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

When will this shit end?! A nice wedding gift should be more than enough. Couples need to stop being so f’ing entitled. 

Post # 6
717 posts
Busy bee

that’s tacky and reeks of money-grab.  yea, they do it in church but that’s for charity!

Post # 8
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Let’s not shout “tacky” and “money grab” without at least acknowledging that this is 100% socially accepted in many cultures (Portugese, Basque, etc). It’s no more of a money grab than a dollar dance is. Perhaps the bride is marrying into a family with those cultural roots, or lives in a part of the country where this is the norm depsite your roots.

In some countries it’s the bride’s dress shoe that gets passed around and stuffed with money.

Post # 9
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012


I am forever amazed at the greed of some people.

Post # 10
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve never heard of it but it could not be any worse than the “money dance” (which also horrifies me). But different folks have different customs so whatever!

Post # 12
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I see it like this:  If you want to put money in the hat, do so.  If you don’t, do not and leave it at that. No one is obligated to do what makes them feel uncomfortable and if your mother thinks her gift is sufficient, then so be it.  Its their wedding to do as they choose so I wouldn’t spend time getting angry or name calling.  And the penny thing! better to just pass than become that petty. Althought it reminds me of the fund raiser scene in coming to America when Eddie Murphy says  “If yall pass that basket ’round one more time, you’re gonna come up short!” 🙂

Post # 13
233 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never heard of this before. Is it a cultural thing (like the “money dance”)?  It seems very greedy. I would feel uncomfortable if I were put in a situation like this.  Placing a penny in the hat would be funny. HeheHe. 

Post # 15
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

My jaw literally dropped.

What’s next, standing out on I-35 with a sign saying “Paying for Overly Ambitious, Aspirational Wedding. Anything Helps!”

Post # 16
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

To me it just sounds like the money dance, which is acceptable in certain cultures/areas of the country.  Personally, it’s not for me though. 

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