(Closed) Past elopers: Help me formulate my argument to SO for eloping

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ll report back early Sept when we return from our desintation weddingmoon!  We may or may not have FI’s parents as our witnesses. 

Do you know how he feels about it yet?  Has he indicated what he would like yet?

Post # 4
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@KJM33:  

For myself, I am getting married in December. We just were sitting there one day and we both knew that we wanted to be husband and wife. I have always not been fond of the idea of a giant wedding with a million people there, spending thousands upon thousands of dollars to please others and to not offend anyone. No offense to anyone, but I have seen countless friends and family members that have stressed themselves out so much trying to please others and putting themselves and/or their families in debt trying to do it. Its not what a marriage is about. So to get to the point of why we chose the option of just us two, we really feel that that is all that matters when it comes to our marriage, just us two. We arent doing it because we don’t have any support, our families are going to be thrilled that we are married. We just feel that the two important people in this marriage need to be there and that is it. I wish you the best of luck.

Post # 5
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I didn’t elope but many times during the process, I wanted to! Here are my reasons:

– Less vendors/guests = less money! – We spent almost $40k and that’s not including rings/honeymoon. We could’ve had a gorgeous elopement and a fab honeymoon for less than that.

– No family/bridal party = less drama! – 1/2 of our family members felt like it was equally their wedding and had a lot to say about the subject. Lots of fights/tears ensued.

– No guests = less planning! – No worries over what will the guests think/eat and whether they will have a good time or not.

– Smaller wedding = less planning! – I spent a lot of hour vetting/meeting/working with vendors and while I love all of them and think they did a great job, I also wasted a lot of time with the ones I didn’t hire.

– No guests = no worries over guestlist! – Now you don’t have to sit there and go “Will I still talk to this person in 5 years?” or “She invited me 5 years ago, do I have to invite her even though we haven’t spoken in 3?”

In the end, eloping still would give me what my wedding is ultimately about. Me + Him making a commitment together (and we will still look fabulous and have fabulous photos to commemorate!)

Post # 6
Member
4956 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@KJM33:  So you’re wanting an intimate wedding – or rather and intimate destination wedding. Sounds great!

I’ve had both. I preferred my elopement all the way! It was just the two of us. We did hire a photographer so that family could enjoy the pictures later. It was so easy and stress free and was about what it should be – us! No hassle with vendors or crazy family or whatever. I already own a house, so we didn’t do it to save money for that reason. But we just didn’t need a big to-do. The ceremony was *maybe* 5 minutes long, then we took the next 2 hours to do photos.

I will say we were so giddy! I think it being a secret made us even more giddy! We could just focus on us.

There are so many reasons why some people choose to elope (or have an intimate wedding). Some don’t want to be the center of attention, some don’t want the stress or financial burden. For us, we just love each other so much and just wanted to be married. We didn’t care about having a “wedding.”

I don’t have our pix yet, but this was our venue, outside of Austin in the hill country. Along with a cell phone pic that we sent to our families to let them know we just got married! I’m dying for a sneak peak at the professional pix!

 

 

Post # 7
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If you approach it as an intimate destination wedding I’m sure he will be more open to the idea. My DH was on board with eloping, especially once he saw how miserable I was planning our original wedding. 

My suggestion? Be honest. You shouldn’t have to convince him just communicate your needs/thoughts. Something like, “It is important to me that we both enjoy our wedding experience. For me to enjoy it and be happy  I feel like an intimate wedding would be the way to go. (insert reasons/feelings here). What are your thoughts?”

I also don’t think a party upon return is necessary. In my mind, it’s just as stressful as planning a “regular” wedding. Part of the fun of eloping is the minimal stress. IMO, if you’re throwing the party to appease other people it’s not for the right reasons.

Post # 8
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We did a small ceremony (family only < 11 guests) and then had a party about four months later. As much as I enjoyed the party and as grateful as I am to my parents for helping to foot the bill, I’m not sure it was worth the stress. But you should know that in general, I’m not a terribly social person and I’m not one to relish being in the spotlight. DH isn’t much for it either, although he’s definitely more social.

I LOVED my small ceremony, though, and I would never have it any other way. It was low-key, but intimate and I still got to have all the “trimmings”–I wore a wedding dress, I got my hair did, we had a photographer follow us around…Seriously, it was fantastic. And this is one of those things that you only really see in hindsight, but so much of the “wedding things” mean a lot when you’re planning and then when it’s over, I had a feeling of, “You know, looking back on it, I think I would have rather that the money went elsewhere.”

This isn’t the be-all, end-all, but in my informal poll of friends and acquaintances, there isn’t a single person who regretted having a tiny wedding (like, 20 guests or fewer) or eloping–they are universally enthusiastic. The regrets all seem to come from those who had more traditional affairs (although, don’t get me wrong–that’s a small percentage of couples who did the big thing and loved theirs as well).

Post # 10
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@KJM33:  I think that sounds like a great idea.  Just make a list of the reasons this is the right choice for YOU.  I love your idea.

Post # 11
Member
4956 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@KJM33:  Maybe draw up what the costs would be with a traditional wedding and he’ll see your point a lot faster. Tongue Out

Post # 12
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@gferg – that place is gorgeous!  as a fellow Texan, I’m making a mental note.

 

I’m interested in eloping, but my bf is resisting.  GREAT point about cost benefits.  But since my parents would probably pay a significant portion, IDK if he’ll go along with it.  He seems to think no one would go to a destination with us, but I’ve been to several destination weddings.  ugh.

Post # 13
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We eloped.  We did not tell anyone.  I was 28 & my husband was 27.  Here are our reasons for eloping…

1. we lived in another state away from our family, planning would have been ultra annoying in either direction

2. we liked the idea of spending the day alone & going somewhere we never been together

3. cost

4. i have stage fright.  i did not, in any way, want to be the center of attention in front of a bunch of people

5. i found it to be incredibly intimate and it 100% made the day just about US

6. no fighting with the families

7. no stress on picking BMs

 

Post # 14
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We eloped in the British Virgin Islands.  We rented a cottage and did the ceremony on the grounds.  We got a planner and she got us a photographer.  It was the best decision we ever made!  It was much cheaper and less stressful.  I also felt like I got to enjoy every moment.  I know if I had had a regualr wedding I would have been stressed. DH didn’t require too much convincing, but it was my wish. Here are some pics!

Post # 15
Member
4956 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@ladeeeda:  Love it! I’d have loved to gotten married in the VI (been to St. Thomas and St. John) but we just had a vacation in Mexico and couldn’t spend the $ or take the time from work.

And I love your dress!

Post # 16
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m glad you posted this, because me and my soon-to-be-FI have been having the same issues. I really would rather elope/have an extremely small ceremony followed by a dinner at a nice restaurant and he would much rather have the whole shebang.

Even though my parents are willing to pay for the whole thing, I don’t feel comfortable asking them to spend SO MUCH on an extended family I’m not particularly close to, his family that has divorce drama and that I don’t know that well…weddings are just so expensive and I’ll be more worried about making sure the guests aren’t bored than I am worried about MY UNION to MY BEST FRIEND.

My parents are giving us the option to take about $6,000-7,000 in cash and using it however we please instead of it all going towards the wedding, and I much prefer this option. We don’t have debt, so we can use it for a house…a new car…etc.

I’d rather go on a 2-week trip with my Dearest Love, come back and start our new life together with money in the bank. But the hard part is getting him to go along with it, because he really wants a nice wedding. Hmm.

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