Post # 1
So I’m posting secretly. I know it’s a no no; but I don’t know for sure if anyone knows who I am or not. But I need some beee advice. I’ve even given advice on this topic before. I thought it was a no brainer. But apparently I don’t know. Lately my first love has been popping up in my dreams. It gives me this weird butterfly feeling in my stomach. Almost like a feeling of wonder. What if this happend or what if this didn’t happen in the past. yada yada. He still lives around here; but I very rarely run into him. Last time I ran into him was around thanksgiving. That was the first time I’d seen him in about 3 years. When I do see him it’s awkward. We both know we want to talk but it’s kind of like a 3rd grade “Hi; How have you been” and we’re on our way. So anyway. I don’t know if the things i’m feeling are okay or not. I’m engaged to a wonderful man. He’s good to me and is an all around good person. He does lack some of the emotional/romatic aspects that my previous loves have had. But I love him for him and i’m very happy! However; everytime this happens (my Ex popping up in my dreams) it just seems to throw me for a loop. I sit here and think about him. I just can’t get that feeling of wonder to go away. When we broke up it was basically because of my parents. He was a “trouble maker” and we were crossing lines we shouldn’t have been at that age. It’s been over 8 years since we dated. We were young and both of each others first loves; and basically first everythings. I don’t really know exaclty what i’m asking you bees for. Just wondering if I need to step back and re-evaluate myself or if these are normal feelings. We’re still over a year away from our wedding. But i know it’s getting closer. I don’t know if this has to do with it. If i’m just starting to freak out about making the right decision. Or If I need to take these butterflies more seriously. I love my Fiance. He is a great person. I have no reason not to want to marry him. I know he will be a wonderful husband and father. I’m not doubting my realionship with my FI; but I just can’t help these butterflies in my stomach. How do I make them go away? Oh First Loves…..
Post # 3
Honestly, I don’t think there is anything to it. Just because you dream about someone doesn’t mean that you want them. I think you are just having some nerves about getting married like everyone does and you are thinking what if I had done something differently? I really would not worry about it, it will go away.
Post # 4
I totally agree with MissASB. I don’t think there’s anything to it either – you obviously love your Fiance and we all have those feelings of “what if” when it comes to others.
I CONSTANTLY have dreams where my ex’s show up the good ex’s and the bad ones…and more always usually one in particular who – as gorgeous as he was (probably the most good looking of all of them) was the one who hurt me the most – and so, unfortunately, he’s always going to be in my thoughts – and the dreams are even romantic/intimate dreams. but to me – it’s all about security AS WELL AS knowing that my husband loves me more than any of those guys ever did. we are totally meant for one another and it almost irritates me that I DO have those dreams – but of course I have no power over what happens in my dreams…
so honestly just concentrate onw the love you and your Fiance do have for one another. and don’t think too much into it.
Post # 5
Thanks Ladies. that is what I began thinking… In the beginning. I thought oh would these just go away. & I fogot about them. But Seriously it’s been over 8 years. I’ve hardly EVER thought about him until the last year its like he’s been in my dreams probably 6 different times. It just threw me for a loop. Ahk
Post # 6
I agree, I wouldn’t read to far into this. I think its a normal reaction when your wedding is approaching, to wonder what could of been, what would of been. I wouldn’t really do anything about it, as in, seek out your ex. If you love and respect your Fiance, that might end up being a huge mistake. Its also normal to have residual ‘feelings’ for an ex that you shared so much with. A month or so ago, I posted about my first love emailing me. I had to decide whether to respond or not. It made me feel nostalgic, until I remembered the negatives. It made me feel like I didn’t have enough closure, until I realized that chapter is so completely over. In the end, I decided not to respond, because I was feeling some kind of way about it and I didn’t want to do anything that would upset my Fiance. Don’t know if that helps but to sum up- this is normal.
Post # 7
Inbetween-This happens to me a lot as well! Sometimes I think its because I never had any real closure on the situation. I always want to email my ex and check it but I know that is a super bad idea! As others have said I think its prob normal to wonder what the people in your past are doing now. I just try not to let it get to me….but ooooh thos butterflies will do it everytime! 🙂 If you ever need to talk you can message me:) Good luck sweetie!
Post # 8
Its normal, i’ve been dreaming of two of my exes!
Post # 9
I agree – totally normal, and doesn’t mean anything (or mean you love your FH any less).
I think too, when this happens (dreams about ex), we tend to think/worry about it, which makes it more likely to happen again, because then it’s on your mind. Know what I mean?
I also think its totally normal to wonder “what if” on a chapter in your life, when you are getting ready to completely shut that door forever. Even though you have shut the door on that relationship and moved on – it will be different once you are married, more final.
Don’t worry about what you do in your dreams, you have no control over them. Just worry about what you do in real life, that you do have control over 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks soo much ladies. It makes me feel a lot better getting other perspectives! In my mind I was hoping this was kind of a normal thing. But part of me was starting to feel bad that these dreams were giving me butterflies. I don’t want them to. I almost want them to leave a bad taste in my mouth; but they just don’t. They make me nervous. & that is soo true… the more I analyze these dreams… the llonger they will be on my mind and probably keep happening. I’m going to try my best to just forget them. I would never want to hurt my Fiance so I would Never try to go out of my way to contact my Ex. I know I would be crushed if my Fiance did that to me. It was just such an overwhelming feeling. And honestly today it was the worst its ever been. Other times I’ve woken up and remembered I dreamed of him; but it was more of a “wow that was weird” and I forgot about it. But today; it’s just been following me!
Post # 11
I’ve been dreaming about my ex too! We’ve been broken up six years, and I’m 110% sure that was a good choice, and the dreams usually aren’t good (sometimes bad, sometimes neutral). For me, I think its because after we broke up, he moved to a different city, and I just ended up getting a job and moving to that city. I’m convinced i’m going to run into him at some point, and the whole idea of that is just weird. I think I want to just get it over with so I can stop wondering when I’ll see him.
Anyway, seeing all the posts here makes me realize its not that weird, so hopefully you feel better too!
Post # 12
It happens to me too. In the 3-6 months before I got engaged I was dreaming about my ex at least once a month, and it always put in the worst mood. It made me freak out and wonder if I made a mistake by ending it. Finally, I reminded myself of every reason we broke up and why I’d rather be with my Fiance than my ex. And I’ve talked to a lot of friends who said that happened to them when they were engaged too. So I think it’s totally normal.
Post # 13
This JUST happened to me last night!! My ex was in my dreams… only I think we were married. My Fiance popped up & was angry, but I still chose to be with my ex. lol I woke up all, “wth!?”
I definitely think these dreams are normal. Our ex’s were a significant part of our lives & our past!! As long as you aren’t actively seeking out your ex or acting on these “dream feelings” then it’s okay!
Post # 14
this happens to me all of the time with all of my exes! In fact, i dreamt last night that i was marrying my first love geez!! It’s really annoying and I feel guilty every time it happens. But i’m sure it’s normal – seems like lots of girls are having this happen – so i’m just moving on with my day and not taking it seriously 🙂
i’m hoping these dreams will stop after i’m married LOL.
Post # 15
It’s also weird how I dream about him but not the others. lol Oh thank goodness I’m not alone here ladies!!! I feel a little closer to earth now…
Post # 16
This happens to me constantly.
For me its my first love ….we dated over 10 years ago at this point. We had been off and on for about 3 years…but now its been years since we’ve had any kind of realtionship, romantic or friendship.
Im glad to know that i am not the only person that this happens to.Ive started feelign really guilty 🙁