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No way!
I think that is hard to deal with for all parties involved. I believe you must put them in the past for them to truly be in the past!
Both of our past relationships didn't end very well though so that may be biasing my opinion!
Good for you for having good relationship with your exes!
I have a few men who were in my life years ago that I'm still friends with. Each one had their time and place and I feel they were there for me to get to my FI. A lesson was learned with each one.
Two will always have a special place but no one has my heart like my FI does.
Nope, but that's because I've only had one boyfriend besides R, and he was definitely not a love! Haha. We started dating when we were 14, so that doesn't leave a lot of room for past experiences.
Hmm... I have two serious exs. The first I am casual friends with (facebook each other, chat on aim maybe every few months). I wouldn't call us "close." The second one I don't have contact with at all. We were together for 5 years and it was a hard breakup. I'm not saying I could never be friends with him.... but for right now it just seems like trouble.
I do have a very close male friend that I've known for about 9 years. We never dated but I could see that some men might be threatened by our relationship. Luckily FI is understanding about him, likes him, and we all hang out. Sometimes we don't get to pick the gender of the people who become our best friends :)
I am good friends again with one of my exes. He will be attending the wedding... luckily FI is not the jealous type. It took a long time for me to get to this place with my ex -- we were NOT friends immediately after our breakup, but now we have a solid friendship again. The best part is... we're really secure with why we broke up and why things would never ever work out again for us as a couple, which makes it much easier for us to be friends. I think it can be totally fine to be friends with your exes as long as your fiance is ok with it too...
To a degree. There were 2 guys I was very serious with before I met FI. One was is High School, so of course I guess you could say we learned a lot from each other, but we're not friends now. Then there's the man before I began to date FI. I think he hurt me the most, and I'm sure I'll always have a place in my heart for him since we've known each other for years and years. But I also make it a point to not talk to him either, because I fear it would just make things waaaay to complicated.
ha ha, nope I definitely do not have this problem. When I broke my with my ex's there was always a very good reason... sometimes I joke that until I met my husband my "picker" was broken.
I'm not friends with any of my ex's, and I do not wish to be. This is just mine and FI opnion so don't take it personally, but we don't think it's respectful to still have a relationship in any form with a past lover, even if you didn't sleep with them. It just doesn't seem right to us. We think ex's are ex's for a reason, and they should remain in the past, and not come into the future with us, and even if I didn't think this way, I still don't think I would be, because those things can get complicated sometimes.
The was one other guy in my life. And while we were still minimally in touch, we weren't close anymore. We had a few friends in common. There were never any bad feelings. We were just never really in the same place at the same time so what could have been never really happened and we grew apart. His place in my life never should have been an issue between my husband and me.
But he was killed by a drunk driver just a few weeks before my husband proposed. This relationship that should have never been an issue suddenly exploded. I had to explain to my then fiance who this person was and he had to watch me mourn all the while wondering if I had still been in love with this man. I went away to the funeral for a weekend and he stayed at home confused and insecure. He was also nervous enough knowing he was going to propose in just a few weeks so he started questioning everything. I wasn't still in love with him, but I was still destroyed by his death. It was an awful few weeks and ultimately my husband did propose. It was an interesting time in my life. Being torn between unbearable grief and unbearable joy. It made me realize that happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive and can co-exist.
Interesting post topic. At this point in my life I am not good friends with any of my past boyfriends, which at times makes me feel a bit...nostalgic and sad. I wonder how they're doing and what they're up to in their life. It's never moved me to reach out because we have our own separate lives now, but I do feel bittersweet about it now and again. Which, honestly, I think is only human. I think more power to you if you have solid friendships with these men. Only shows the trust you have in your relationship and the maturity you have as adults! Cheers all around.
You know, I am in touch with some of my own ex's. A couple of them are great friends! I don't know how comfortable my BF is with them, though, so I'm minimalized it. We're all growing up and moving in our own directions, but I still love them all in different ways!
I am still in contact with all of my exes and although I don't think my FI likes it, he accepts that's the way it is. He's met most of them and I'm completely open about all communication. Just last night one of my ex fiances texted me so I read the stupid text to FI and he said he can't believe I almost married suck a smuck. Agreed.
Eh, we loved them for a reason, right? My best friend, apart from my husband, is my ex. He was my MOH at my wedding and we're all very good friends.
I am in touch with one of my ex's and we chat at least weekly. He is still one of my best friends. While my FI is not insecure, I never wanted him to feel like there was even a remote possibility of something happening, so I am very very open about still talking to him and I always put FI first, and include him in a lot of the interaction. It was rough last year when the ex was diagnosed with cancer and literally had nobody else to help him through the chemo (his family is Bad People and his friends were mostly military buddies who have been picked off through the years), but we turned it into my FI and I both helping him and I think it really helped FI and me to grow more together because he was able to witness the interaction and see that there was nothing sexual going on. However, the ex and I both really respect that there are boundaries that are never to be crossed, and if FI ever asked me to cut off the relationship...well, I probably would. But it works out pretty well nowadays as I have taken on more of a sisterly role and the ex has moved on to a new girl. I think that if there were still romantic type feelings, then it would not be appropriate.
i'm friends with one of my ex's, but we were friends since we were babies, our families are all best friends, there's no getting around it. it was pretty stupid of us to date to begin with for that reason, and luckily the breakup wasn't bad. my ex of over 7 years is a different story. we will not be friends, and will not be speaking to each other. not only do i just not want to (he didn't treat me very well), but even though i know my fi isn't the jealous type, it's just not worth it to me to start any kind of tension.
wow jocelyn, such a sad story. even with people not directly involved in your life or in love anymore there's still appreciation for all you shared and just knowing they're alright somewhere is enough. very sorry for your loss.
I'm with you anonybride7!
My best friend is one of the guys that I dated in high school! If we were having true attendants at our wedding, he would be my maid-of-honor heh. At the same time, my second longest relationship next to FI was another high school beau, and we're still friends, we talk on the phone and text each other regularly, go out to lunch when he's in town and whatnot. Another I didn't formally date but just slept with on occasion is still a friend of mine. My best friends have always been guys, and none of my relationships have ever ended on bad terms. As far as I'm concerned, the past is the past- we laugh off our previous "connections" with each other as life experiences, but at the same time, they have created a certain bond that allows us to understand each other in a way that most friends can't. I value those friendships more than others I've had.
Yes, FI has always had issues with this. But he knew going into this seven years ago, that my best friends were men and that some of them I had dated. Some he handles better than others- some he doesn't want to be around. So be it, that's his issue. FI has had three major past gf's, and had nasty break-ups and bad experiences with all of them, so I don't expect him to understand my view completely. The one I just slept with he has some issues with in particular, mainly because FI is a very sensitive, emotional person, and sex is this huge thing to him- he doesn't understand how I could sleep with someone that I wasn't in love with. But everyone's different, and we have an understand with each other regarding this matter :) I share everything with FI, every message or conversation or lunch I have with the boys, so he can be comfortable with it.
I am very close to a guy I dated in high school. We dated briefly around sophomore/Jr. year and then stopped talking to each other but since we had several mutual friends we reconnected senior year and would have dated again that summer but we were both going away to school in the fall and were too logical to start a relationship. Throughout college there was always a what if and some of my past relationships were ruined because of it. Eventually we both accepted the fact that we were not in the same place at the same time but still care very much about each other. We have always said I love you to each other (not when we were dating but since) and I don't even knowwhen it started or who said it first. This is the one thing I worry FI may take the wrong way so I try not to say in front of him. Other than that, they have met and get along great. In fact, my friend has already asked if he could take FI out to do man things while we are visiting home for Christmas. We are both happy and both in serious relationships but are best friends. It works for us and I am happy it does becasue I don'T think my life would be the same without him.
Nope! I only had one real boyfriend before my FI...my brother in law is still good friends with him (he was my BIL's best friend), and so I will still see him every once in a while, and we definitely still get along when we see each other, and my FI gets along with him too..but other than those times when I happen to see him over at my sister & BIL's house, we don't keep in contact at all.
My husband and I are very much "the past belongs in the past" type of people. We cut all ties with our former sexual relationships, and I think we both like it that way. We never have any issues in that realm to deal with.
I am very close to my ex, we talk all the time. On the phone, email, text....NOTHING romantic about it. Very brother/sister like. I talk to him in front of my fiance all the time, no biggie. We've gone on vacation back home and gone out to dinner together and all is well. I was invited to his wedding and he will be invited to mine.
I have another ex that I didn't date for as long, but we have remained friends for the last 10+ years and my fiance and I have also gone out with him and i would occassionally meet him for coffee when we still lived local to one another.
Fiance is fine with it. Not sure if it's because he's just really secure in our relationship, or because it was all out there on the line from the get go...perhaps a bit of both. But, if he had an issue with it, I would have told him long ago...sorry...is what it is. We are friends and I'm not dumping my friends for anyone.
Great thread anonybride7. You all have such interesting stories, thank you for sharing.
I'm also still friends with an ex of mine but like 2010bride2bee there are ZERO feelings. We're not very close 1-on-1 so there's rarely any texting or emails but we still keep in touch - it's more like a distant family member. We were together in college and were part of a very tight group of friends so we still see each other a lot throughout the year - weddings, BBQ's, B'day parties, Christenings, etc.
FI accepts it but he isn't thrilled with it. My ex has a long time girlfriend, they live together and are invited to the wedding (fyi: I think she's awesome and we get along great). I think the fact that my ex has a S.O. somehow makes my FI feel a little better about the situation.
When he does mention it, I try to explain - think of how completely different you were/your life was in college as opposed to now. We broke up 11 years ago for goodness sake - over a decade! My FI is almost 30 and he is nearly 3 years younger than me. I try to explain that my ex and I broke up our Junior yr of college... when FI was still in HS.
I wound up dating my best friend briefly in college... we now live in the same town and while there was that period post breakup (after I graduated and he was back up at school) where we didn't talk things are back to the same old just friends. My FI and I are both now friends with him, we both go to my friends parents house all the time :-) we're very brother/sister with each other and I forget we dated all the time! The thought of kissing him is repulsive! lol.
I had two major relationships before I met my FI. The first one and I haven't spoeken since a week after he broke up with me (its only 7 years ago, but if feels like decades!) for a married woman (who then left her husband). My second major relationship actually predates the first, but as a friendship. He has been my best friend since high school and, for a brief time, we had a very intense relationship. We were engaged in fact! Haha. We laugh about it now because we both admit that while me make awesome best friends, as a couple we would always be doomed. We were together because that's what we both really needed emotionally at the time, so we reached out to the one person, at the time, who would be there for us- each other.
After we broke up, our friendship was broken for six months, but we patched things up. He's still my best friend and even though we live 2,000 miles away from each other in different countries, we'll probably always be good friends. We love each other deeply, but definately in a friendship type way. My FI has met him. In fact, last time my bf was in town, he stayed with my FI and I. My bf and I think its hillarious that we met our significant others days apart. He met his the day after I left from visiting him. I met my FI 4 days later. My FI has no jealousy over my friendship with my bf (and i have told him our whole history together), although my bf's girlfriend has bouts where she gets jealous when he calls me. I like her though and think she's great. If he wasn't 100% against marriage, I'd say I'd suspect he'd propse soon (although they did recently move in together- a huge step for him!). They'll both be at our wedding.
My Ex is one of my best friends. We dated/broke up/dated/broke up for over two years. We would break up, become friends again, and then figure that since we were getting along we should date again. It took us awhile to realize we weren't meant to date, but to be friends. I told my fiance this before I starting dating him, and he understands and now knows my Ex and gets along with him amazingly. We stay at my Ex's place when we are in his city visiting, and my Ex stays here when he is in town.
On the other side, my fiance's Ex is also one of his best friends. She is still exceptionally close with his family and we see her almost every time we go to his hometown. I think she is a sweetheart and would never try to stop him from being friends with her. One of the reasons I respect my fiance so much is because he never says anything bad about any of his exes. He always says they weren't bad people, they just weren't meant to be together. It makes me love him so much more.
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Hi Bees!
Just a general question. I am currently engaged to a wonderful man I am excited to spend my life with and have a family. But I also have two men whom I've been in love with at some point in my life, who are great friends. I love everyone differently and not in a sexual sense, but very deeply. They feel the same in return.
While they are not threats to my relationship, nor would I ever allow them to be, I am curious if anyone else has the same type of relationships?