Pastor can't marry us, heartbroken

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Having the right people doing our ceremony was really important too (our vicar and OH’s dad who is also a vicar). If they hadn’t been available I think I would have been quite sad. All I can think to suggest is that you try your best to stay in close contact with your pastor, and maybe once there is a new pastor try to make friends which him/her too so that whatever happens, the person who marries you knows you.

Hope it goes well x

Post # 4
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Is the wedding date on your profile accurate?  If so, you have almost a year to get to know the new pastor at your church or to find someone new to marry you – another minister, a close friend, etc.

Post # 5
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

Im so sorry.Frown A pastor very close to my heart that I had hoped to marry us is not in good health. I know how you feel ):

Post # 6
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

If it’s that important to you then I would try and sit down and talk with the pastor and let him know what you’ve told us here. Really explain how much it would mean to you to have him officiate your wedding. Also, would it help/be possible for you to pay or help pay his travel expenses to be at your wedding? If he and his family are moving across the country right now finances could be a big concern especially on a pastor’s salary.

If your date is still not set in stone, well that’s another reason the pastor may not be able to say for sure yet. He could end up having a very legitimate conflict. I think once you have your date set for sure, have the conversation with him then so he can look at his schedule.

I do understand how disappointing this may seem to you right now but I think from what you’ve written your dream is still a possibility.

Post # 7
Member
11722 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry this happened.  I do think it was a lot to expect to say you assumed he’d come back and marry you from halfway across the country without ever asking him, though. Perhaps if you talked to him you could make an arrangement, but since had no idea this was the plan, you can’t really fault him.

On the other hand, you will have a whole year to meet the new pastor and get to know him.  Your ceremony will still be lovely!

Post # 9
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@MrsCaribou:  I would talk to your pastor and see if there is a specfic issue or reason he doesn’t think he can make it. Without knowing what the reason behind the move is (family issues, promotion, etc.), maybe you can work out a compromise. I don’t want to speculate, but maybe it’s a financial issue to commit. Please know this is coming from someone who works at a non-profit because I love my work not for the money. Anytime you take a new job and have a significant move, time off and savings become a HUGE concern. Maybe, if money is a concern, you and your SO can offer to pick up the tab or help in some way with their travel. Just a thought, I could be way off base.

Post # 10
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsCaribou:  Is there another significant church leader in your lives, like a church elder? What I have seen done a couple of times is one person (close to the couple, not necessarily an ordained minister) conducts most of the ceremony, and then the pastor steps in and does the legal part (the vows). So you could have the church leader take most of the ceremony and the new pastor do the vows.

Or, perhaps the old pastor will be able to return for your wedding. Just give it a couple of months of him settling in his new church and then ask him again. It could be difficult though, it’d probably have to come out of his annual leave. (Because weekends are “work time” for pastors).

Post # 11
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Did he give a reason about why he might not be able to make it for your ceremony? If it has to do with money or travel plans, maybe you could help him out with that in order to make sure he can make it for you. 

Post # 12
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You have a year, I think that it’s best that you wait and see…a year can be a very long and telling time, especally if you are getting to know the new pastor and doing pre-marriage prep with him…you may find yourself actually closer to the “new guy” and be happy.

 

But it sounds like you are also on the heels of other disapointments.  One of those times when you should trust God is doing something positive for you in having this pastor move, as I am sure the pastor has prayed about his move.

Post # 13
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m surprised at everyone suggesting you might help him with the trip, because I think it’s a given that you must pay for his ticket and acommodations if he does travel to marry you. Did your fiance make that clear?

Post # 14
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Other PPs have given you good advice here… speak to your pastor about coming back, get to know your new pastor, and/or consider having a church elder or similar officiate.

Totally get it though, because the ceremony was the most important thing to us as well, and I spent months working on it with our priest.

But you have time! Something will come up… honest Smile

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