Post # 1
It’s been a real ‘red letter’ day today. Finally had a chance to check voice mail, to receive a message that our pastor has decided not to do DD’s wedding. I’ve known this man for 15yrs, our kids grew up together…and he pulls this. I’m so frustrated right now and DD is going to be so hurt by his actions.
He doesn’t like the fact they are being married in a different church (2 reasons for this: 1) it’s much closer to the reception hall and 2) grooms family is of a different religious faith. The feeling was that a ‘nutral’ space would be more conductive to a harmonius event. Pastor has taken it as a personal insult that ‘they don’t like his church’. Pastor also has refused to perform or have performed a few rights the groom asked for (lasso and coins) neither was a big deal i thought but he refered to them as ‘foreign’.
Also this means i will have to find someone to play the music as the organist for the wedding was his wife….
Post # 3
@chloesmom6: That sucks! Same thing happened to my sister – though it was just that the pastor decided to go visit family or go on a retreat, not sure – and they have been happily married for 10 years. So, I’m sure it will be ok, though a pain to reorganize.
My craigslist ad yielded two organists almost immediately, so try that. I’ll be paying one of them $200-$225. For the officiant, look at it as a way for the families to come together, choosing someone new who suits both the bride’s and the groom’s beliefs and traditions.
Post # 4
Wow, that sucks. But it may be a blessing in disguise (pun intended). You want your officiant to support your union. Now you can get one who will.
Post # 5
@chloesmom6: If he is going to get offended over something like this, then you’re better off… you wouldn’t want his issues coming out on the wedding day. try to look at it as a blessing! & maybe consider keeping some of the details from your daughter
Post # 6
Yes, decided to not share the full picture with DD and FSIL…just told them that a ‘conflict’ came up. It’s been a mad search to find someone else. Big issue has turned out to be cost…some ‘rent-a-pastors’ were $800+….major shock there.
To get around the music issue…i tossed out ‘why don’t we try something different…that goes more with grooms heritage???…they loved it…so now going with clasical guitar :)…think it will be lovely <3
Post # 7
@chloesmom6: That’s too bad but it could be worse!! Isn’t this supposed to be about two people uniting? Why are the Pastor’s so touchy? I thought they are supposed to help people seems like they are all just looking out for themselves. Very sad!! I found some officiants that charge $25 for every 15 minutes a ceremony runs over or under. I wonder what Jesus thinks about all this?
Post # 8
@chloesmom6: great idea with the guitarest! I can’t believe your pastor/friend did that to you all- it shouldn’t matter to him in the least what church it’s being performed at! Are any of your church deacons able to perform marriages? My dad is pentecostal and he took the classes through the church to do marriages, but he does not have his full certification (?) to preach; and I know other deacons at his church that were the same. Maybe an associate pastor or youth pastor even? Worse case scenario (depending on the state) anyone can get deputized for a day from the county or certified online to marry couples- so her Dad/Grandpa/Uncle/Brother would still be special, although not a religious leader which is what it sounds like ya’ll want.
Post # 9
@chloesmom6: I’m so sorry! Have you spoken to the venue? Sometimes they offer recommendations. I just signed up with the officiant recommended by my venue, he knows the space well and he was $175, at a discount because of the venue. Worth a shot to ask if they have a relationship with an officiant. Good luck!!