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I don't think your husband being a pastor means he has to be less 'secular' or more traditional than anyone else! I grew up as a PK, and I always loved that my dad was who he was. He never let the title or position dictate who he was or how he could act. He was human, and he lived up to it, instead of trying to act perfect. And I can tell you, most people in his church respected him all the more for it.
If your husband is traditional in his personality, your wedding will probably be more traditional, yeah, but if he's not? Why worry about what anyone will think? This is your twos' wedding, afterall!
I think it depends on a bunch of factors--what if your and your finance's denomination? What do you both want for the reception? What will your families want, and how much weight do their opinions hold? But those are the same questions for everyone!
As for the pastor question, I think it really depends on what your church's teaching is on drinking, dancing, etc.
For example, if your marrying a UMC, UCC or Episcopal pastor, the church would probably have no problem with drinking, dancing, etc (you can check out http://blog.soimarriedapriest.com/ you'll need to go back into the archives to find the wedding stuff, but her writing is pretty fun!). On the other hand, if you are both part of a church that frowns on drinking, secular music, dancing, you'll probably want to think long and hard about whether you want to have that stuff at your reception.
Hope that helps!
Thanks all for you advice. I think we are just going to have to stand firm on our beliefs at our wedding. While there are something I would love to have, I have to understand that he has a calling higher than me....
my sister is married to a pastor...their wedding was fairly "normal" I'd say except no alcohol at the reception....she also had a tiny budget, so that I'm sure was a partial factor but she doesn't drink anyway, bc our dad is an alcoholic
my dad is also a retired pastor (after I went to college) and we told the DJ to play "conservative" lyric music, but there are still a ton that are fun, and he also didn't 100% listen to us...I had to give him an evil eye on one very racy song
I think we are going to have a live band or my cousin will be the dj, he will play convservative lyrics to any music....I really wanted to at least have wine at the reception but my dad is a preacher, my future FIL is a preacher, and my FI is a preacher, I think the wine is out also. But I do think our wedding will be fairly normal, we just have to modify a few things....
Sharron, I also dated my husband while he became an ordained minister. The dinner musician played secular yet positive, romantic and upbeat music. I enjoy Christian music so that's what the afterband played. As for drinking, I didn't want any intoxicated people at the wedding (due to prior experience) plus its not affordable for us. My FI, church and family made no pressure either way. We had wine at our little communion during the ceremony and we were the only ones who were served champagne. Everyone else.....drank non-alcoholic beverages. I was fine with 'not normal' things during our wedding b/c I wanted it to be remembered.
I'm marrying an ordained minister too! However, that's not what he really wants to do (he wants to be a professor or ethics and religion)... however, I am finding that certain things will probably be frowned on, walking down the aisle to something secular is definintely out. We're having the most traditional church service you can imagine, but the reception is going to be fun, lighthearted, and completely seperate from his parishoners. Since he has a super small church about an hour and a half away from where we live, we're having a celebration for them there, though they all drink and carry on like a couple of teenagers even though they're all in their 70's!
Ladies thanks for the advice..I think that I am over thinking eveything and I just have to relax....and really start thinking about what we want and not let everyones suggestsions (my family) get to me...
my husband is currently in seminary to become a pastor. We definitely didn't feel like we couldn't have alcohol or a DJ at the reception because of that!
We go to a conservative church but not one with legalistic rules about alcohol and dancing.
We did get married in a church though, and had a fairly traditional ceremony--not because we felt we had to, but because that's what we both wanted.
Yes...those suggestions from everyone drove me crazy!! My FI recommended I just say, Thank you, I'll consider that and then switch the subject.
I am marrying a chaplain with the U.S. army. He's currently a youth minister at a small Southern Baptist church right now. As far as restrictions go, I don't think there has been many on how our wedding will be run other than there being no alcohol.
We both have no problem with alcohol, but know that some of those attending (including both of our mothers) are very much against drinking. I believe it's in the best interest to refrain from doing things that will cause others to stumble, and since that's a big one for some of the attendees, we just decided to go without.
As far as music goes, I think we're just going to stay with Louis Armstrong and other jazzy songs...and at that, we'll probably have someone man an I-pod for us.
I think my best advice to you would be to discuss with your parents what you would like to have a wedding and see their point of view on it. If you feel that going against their wishes would hurt them and cause them to stumble spiritually, I would stray away from the DJ and band.
I have been to great Christian weddings that did not even have dancing at the wedding. It was mainly just food and fellowship after the ceremony, in addition to taking photos with friends. And, I've also been to a Catholic wedding with plenty of alcohol and a full out dance floor where only about 12 people joined in for dancing! The few who were dancing (myself included) felt awkward after a few songs since no one else joined in, so we eventually left. Just thought I would give you some things to consider! I hope it helps.
When my pastor's son got married, he had an irish folk band play at his wedding. It was so much fun, everyone was skipping around and dancing. I think it was appropriate as well. It was mostly music, so no bad words in the music or anything like that. Plus the reception was inside of his dad's church. It was fun!
My presbyterian pastor will be at our reception dacing. His daughters wedding included a dj and lots of dancing! It is all in what you believe and what you want to live according to. However, If you don't have an issue with dancing then I see no reason why you shouldn't just because he is ordained.
I think that I am just over thinking this situation because of pressures from my family and his family....We are now thinking about having a extra small wedding and then have a huge party with our friends...we will have a dj (my wonderful cousin) and but no alcohol...I used to drink in my past but my FI never has and never wants to...he won't even try wine...I think the drinking was more for my extended family, then us anyway....I just really am stuck right now on having a wedding that will reflect us as a couple...I do not think my parents will be too upset about any decision that we make...I really do not have a strong desire to be married in a church because our church seats a good 200 people but we are only inviting maybe 40-50 people...so right now that the alchol is out...I think the church wedding will be the next thing we will really have to talk about...
WHy does it matter how many people the church holds? I only bring this up because Mr. KM was concerned about having it at the church he was ordained in because he was afraid it would look "empty"... and I couldn't understand why this mattered. It's important to him to be in the church, but...he didn't want to do it there because it looked empty, when it hardly seems like something that should matter.
It doesn't seem like it would matter but it does I guess...It should not matter but I just don't know about having a wedding for 40 people in a church that holds over 200...I just keep thinking my picture will look weird or something....but I guess its more of a mind thing...
I don't think your photos will look weird at all! A friend of mine just got married in a HUGE church and I would say it was only 1/3 full, and the photos didn't look strange at all. Plus, your photographer can easily focus in on the part of the church where people are sitting for any shots of the ceremony so that you don't see the empty parts of the church that much.
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My FI is a preacher..When I meet him years ago he wasn't but when we started dating seriously he had become an ordained minister. I really want our wedding and reception to be amazing. I was wondering did anyone else feel that there were certain traditions you had to abide by simply because you FI is a preacher? Were there certain things you wanted but could not have because your FI/Husband is a preacher? Now I don't want anything crazy but my parent's feel that DJ or Band would not be appropriate for a preacher. My daddy is a preacher but he is ulta conservative traditional, so he won't listen to anything right now.