(Closed) Pay cousin $300 to officiate?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’d be upset about that too! We had a lot of “friendors” and they all offered it as a gift, some even gave us a gift as well as their service. We gave them a nice gift for being in the wedding, but they never asked for money.

Our Rabbi is free as long as we’re members of the temple (which my parents are so they let us have him for free). Plus, we had the choice of having the cantor, also for free. If you aren’t a member then they charge $400, so my parents donated that amount to the temple. But that’s still a little silly that it’s technically cheaper to get married by my rabbi then you by your family member.

Post # 4
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m paying less for a professional officiant $250 and I’m in California.  Since I’m getting married in a beach city, he completes a min of 2 weddings a wk. 

I would say “Thank you but no Thank you!!!!”    

Post # 5
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MarieW: I wouldn’t want her to marry me now!!  I’d be too pissed to even look at her.  She sounds greedy to me.

Post # 6
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@CruiseWedding2010: Yea, me too.

OP, is there anyway to explain the situation to the cousin? Something like, “Oh, I’m sorry– We were under the impression that the $300 was for travel expenses, and since SoandSo have covered your travel expenses, we assumed that we would be able to put that extra $300 towards (fill in the blank) for the wedding. We’re so sorry for the misunderstanding. Please let us know if you’re still interested in performing our ceremony. If not, we completely understand and will find another officiant.”

Or if you don’t want her to officiant anymore, regardless of if she charges you, and if your FH’s family won’t be pissed about it, you could end with, “We’re so sorry for the misunderstanding. We will begin looking for another officiant, but are very excited that you will be able to attend the wedding (as a guest).”

Post # 7
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@JenniMichele: I agree with Jenni. Great wording!

My sister offered us dance lessons for $60 a class. I told her I would remember that next time she needed me to photograph her for her damn ball room pics. She then came back and said “I will do it for free! Of course!” but I said no thanks. I’d rather skip depending ona  greedy person (family member no less!) than pray they don’t flake out of resentment.

Post # 8
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hmmmm, that is tricky. Perhaps you can get your fiance’s parents to iron this one out for you? Have them tell her that they were under the impression that because she said she could not perform the ceremony as a gift because of the cost incurred by travel, that they offered to pay the travel in full so that she could give the ceremony as a gift. And tell her that less expensive officiants can be found in the area, so it is not a necessity that she do it.  I think that this would be best handled by FH’s family so that if any feelings get hurt they do it and not you.

 

Best of luck!

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