- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
So I have kind of a sticky situation with my fiance’s family. My fiance has a cousin who is a Methodist minister (who is not currently practicing – she recently moved because of her husband’s job and is currently a homemaker). From the start of our engagement we wanted her to officiate – we thought it would be really nice to have a family member marry us, plus (and I know this is self-serving) we could save a little money. So we asked her if she would officiate as a wedding gift.
She said that because of the costs she would incur to fly to our state and stay in a hotel she couldn’t do it for free. I figured, fine, maybe she didn’t plan to come so if we want her to officiate we need to offset the costs of the trip. So we decided, since research suggested that officiants in our area would be $150-$350 for a basic ceremony package, that we would offer her $300 (remember, this is erring towards the higher end of the local price range). She agreed.
My fiance’s parents discovered we planned to pay his cousin in order for her to come out, so they told us that they would talk to her and pay her travel expenses in full. This was at least 6 months ago, and we assumed that all was taken care of, and didn’t hear anything else from either party.
Now, just a little over a month until the wedding – his cousin wants $300. She says that his parents are paying for her travel expenses, not for her service.
Now, I fully understand that she is not obligated to marry us for free. She would be investing her time in preparing the ceremony, etc. She doesn’t owe us anything. However, I just can’t help but be offended that she essentially is looking to make a profit off her cousin’s wedding.
His parents are paying full airfare, room, and board, and she still wants $300 – which is full market price! In fact, in just about 30 minutes of seaching I found at least 3 officiants who charge around $150. She wants us to pay on the upper end of full market price! This is what we originally offered her, but it was under the understanding that it was for travel expenses – now that his parents are paying for travel she still wants us to shell it out. Why shouldn’t I hire a cheaper officiant here, PLUS save his parents the cost of bringing her out? Except now it is probably too late.
I fell like I’m acting really entitled here, but at the same time I am shocked that she wants to make a profit off of our wedding. I can’t imagine not wanting to help out my family by giving such a service as a gift – or at least offering a family discount!
Am I being a brat? How much are y’all paying for your officiant?