Pay for your own plate at a bridal shower?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it acceptable to ask shower guests to foot the bill?
    Yes, I think that's fine. : (14 votes)
    8 %
    No, not acceptable. : (160 votes)
    92 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    it is rude. the hosts should bear all the burdens of hosting.

    It is not fair to ask guests to bring a gift, and also host themselves.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6869 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    You were raised correctly, while your hosts seem to think that they can get their guests to pay their bill. Unless this was a group effort, planned and agreed to by consensus, I would be tempted to tell  the host I did not bring any money, as I was under the impression that I had received an invitation, not a request to co-host. The purpose of a shower is to give presents, so the bill in this case is also in addition to that. It was extremely rude and inappropriate. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    As a guest, I wouldn’t mind paying, as I have a number of friends not as well off as I am, and I know paying for lunch for 10 people would be way outside the realms of feasibility for them. however, as a host, I would never dream of asking guests to pay their own way.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6869 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    MrsEdamame:  That’s why I said “tempted.”. The same thing happened to me once and I did the same thing as you for the same reason. But if I was not able to afford it, or had no money with me, I might have taken the alleged host aside privately.  I don’t think this corrects as much as it states a normal perception and the foreseeable result.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    MrsEdamame:  Extremely rude and particularly so if they sprung the bill on you last minute.

    Post # 9
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    MrsEdamame:  It is rude. Unless everyone got together and agreed on a plan/restaurant ahead of time, the host is just shifting the cost of the party onto her guests.

    Since when does a bridal shower require a meal anyway? I’ve only ever attended cookies and punch showers. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Bearimbolo:  Providing lunch isnt a requirement – providing hospitality on your own dime when you host an event is.

    An afternoon shower at someone’s house with some cake, punch, chips and a veggie tray would have been perfectly polite and affordable.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    weddingmaven:  As I was reading the OP I was thinking she should have turned to the waiter with a bright smile and said, “Oh, I’m not the host.  This goes to the two ladies at the end of the table.”

    Of course, I’d never have the balls to do this myself, but I kind of wish someone did.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    WOAH that’s tacky – and I try not to throw the “t” word around on this site because there are loads of reigonal differences, but that is tacky with a capital T.

    I don’t mind if the hosts can’t afford to do a lunch out – there’s nothing that says a shower must be a lunch. I hosted a shower when I was 22 and broke. I did it in the afternoon between lunch and dinner and I provided punch, cookies, and savory snacks. I could never have afforded a lunch out. 

    If I were the bride, I would be mortified. I feel bad for her, and you!

    Post # 14
    Member
    2620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    i would be pissed it i recieved a bill at the end of the lunch… UNLESS- the hostess/es had told me when i rsvped that this is a pay for your own meal type of gathering…

    Post # 15
    Member
    1194 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I went to a shower for a coworker a few months ago and after I’d RSVPed yes one of the other coworkers said “okay, just make sure you give so-and-so your $30 by the end of the week.” I wanted to un-RSVP. For my $30 I got a soda, small salad, half-entree (I’ve been to this restaurant before and I always have leftovers), and a sliver of cake.

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