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We paid for our wedding ourselves, but if we hadn't had the money to do so, we wouldn't have spent it. Plain and simple. If DH hadn't spent 15 months in Iraq, tax free, we wouldn't have had the big wedding we had. And by big, I'm talking what you're talking about. 15K goes far in the midwest. Here is my advice: don't spend money you don't have. You're already pulling out a loan, and I promise you'll be paying for that wedding for years. What if you get pregnant? Another loan to pay for baby stuff? If your husband's catering job doesn't do as well this year? Much to many peoples' disbelief, 54K a year is not that big of a salary. I had trouble getting beyond paycheck to paycheck when I made that much, too. It was tough pulling off a wedding for barely more than what yours is and we wouldn't have been able to do it without DH's tax-free paycheck.
Work within your means. I think it is very foolish to spend money you don't have, particularly a huge chunk like 15K. It's counting your chickens before they are hatched. Do you have a plan to pay off the 15K that is reasonable? If you take out a loan, your 15K wedding will end up costing 20K with interest. It'd be one thing if you had like 10K saved already. But you make it sound like you have nothing.
How are you going to pay for a wedding if you can barely feed yourselves? Do you have an emergency fund? What about your 401K? That can really set you back
Plus, how much of a guarantee is your job? what if you get laid off? Nobody is truly exempt in this economy. It's easy to say "we'll be fine" but if the money isn't there, then what?
I'm not trying to rain on your parade, I'm trying to be realistic. I don't believe in spending or living beyond your means. Even if you want something doesn't mean you should or can have it if you can't afford it. And while I think everyone has the right to spend their money their own way, I'd have trouble spending money on a wedding if my family was in a financial bind. There are lots of things I want but don't have. Hardwood floors? =]. That being said, you need to reevaluate your budget and see where you can start saving. Everybody can trim some fat.
Woah!! I'll tell you right now that whatever you think you're going to spend on the wedding now (almost a year a way) you might as well add another $10,000 to that. It sounds like you want a big fancy wedding which means lots of little details that add up fast. Going into debt for your wedding may seem logical right now, but it really is not a good idea! Perhaps you need to wait and save up some money or wait until the economy improves but I really think you are endangering your future by making these financial decisions. Our wedding, which is not big and fancy but is instead simple, intimate, and elegant is costing us $30,000 and we're paying for $18,000 of that on our own. We originally were thinking $20,000. We fortunately make very good money and have been able to pay for everything out of pocket. We are also older--28 and 32--and realize that the financial decisions we make now will impact out future. I wish you the best of luck...
I wouldn't take out a loan for the wedding. You may want a fancy big wedding, but you are already feeling guilty. You might even feel a lot worse once the day is over and have to pay all that money back. As I'm sure you know...we can't always get what we want and sometimes to compromise is the best way to go.
We're paying for our wedding ourselves, along the lines of your same budget, but less if I can manage it! When we first started planning, we thought along the same lines as you did, but in the end we listened to everyone else who gave us the advice to NOT spend money that we didn't have.
We've managed to save and invest and do enough of it ourselves that we're going to throw one heck of a party on what we can afford, not going into further debt because of the party. The other comments make sense too...you don't know what the future will hold, so it's best to play it safe. We are also older and can see how mistakes/choices that we made in the past (financially speaking) have cost us more in the long run than we ever though possible at the time that we made the decision.
I would encourage you to try and save more money instead of borrowing it...even though we're spending $15k on a wedding that we CAN afford, it still feels selfish, when I know that that money could be going somewhere a little smarter.
I would feel guilty too, and I wouldn't do it. We paid for everything ourselves and only spent what we thought was reasonable.
You're not selfish for wanting a wedding, but I'd really encourage you to work within your means. It sounds like you have a lot of good deals in front of you and you can have a wonderful wedding just based on that alone and not take out loans for other wedding expenses.
first of all, don't feel guilty. the fact that you are paying for it yourselves is awesome; we are doing the same thing, though we are going more the less-big-fancy route. Take a look at the 'wants' and 'needs' for your wedding and make the appropriate decisions. You'll be fine, don't stress too much (rhetorical advice, I know!) 
Since he is a caterer can he barter with other professionals in the industry? The photographers, planners, etc will probably give a great discount because he's in the industry and they want to be on his good side for future referrals. also, most of us on here are diy queens! so diy as many things as you possibly can! i agree on not taking out the extra loan, for your wedding, well just because i think weddings should be paid for in cash, it is only one day (even though it's the start of your married lives together and should be special and emotional and beautiful and touching and heartwarming) all of those adjectives describe a wedding on a 1,000 budget for 2 and a 80,000 budget for 300. Good luck and I'm sure your wedding will be perfectly gorgeous.
I agree with ejs4y8. You absolutely shoudn't be taking out a loan for thousands of dollars for your wedding when you are living paycheck to paycheck, because you never know what other emergencies will come up later (i.e. car repairs, medical bills) that may make money even tighter. I also think you should be able to have your *dream wedding*.
My fiance and I make a total of $60K right now as grad students living in Boston, and are paying for our wedding ourselves as well. But we worked really hard to cut our spending (i.e. shopping, eating out, other bills) so that we could save for our big day. We each put aside $500 per month into a savings account specifically for our wedding, and will have $20K saved by the time our wedding date comes, even though we only plan to spend about $12K.
I think you can get out of living from paycheck to paycheck, it just requires you to seriously change your habits. But please don't start your marriage with $15K in debt! Financial problems are one of the top causes for divorce!
Listen to your gut... It's trying to tell you something. The wedding is one day, and the only thing you'll have to show for it is some photos and some memories. It doesn't put a roof over your head or shoes on your feet... Well, ok, maybe one pair of shoes, but how many times are you going to wear those?
I think going into debt for a wedding is an incredibly bad idea. We saved for ours, which is why we had a long engagement... but we came into our marriage debt free, which is best for us as a new family.
We're paying for everything, but we're doing it all in cash. Not a credit card in sight for this whole thing. It makes it harder, but it's not worth it to go into debt for one day or one weekend in our case. You're spending close to half your yearly salary on one night and you're having to take our a loan to do it. Why not do something small now and do something bigger a couple of years down the road when you can afford it. That's what we've done basically. We eloped 6 years ago {this Sunday} and now we're renewing our vows next October. We didn't elope due to money issues, but it works the same.
We are paying for the wedding ourselves as well, and like KateMW its all 100% cash, absolutely NO debt and THAT is a wonderful feeling. As much as I am excited about the wedding, knowing that we won't be in debt afterwards is just as much an exciting feeling as well. Its a hard thing to do, but if you deep down feel that you are spending too much on the wedding to the point where you feel guilty, you should listen to that little voice and make some cutbacks.
I'll just say this, we're paying for our wedding ourselves. We thought about refinancing our house but realized that the 10K penalty to do it was soooooo not worth it. We got a credit card instead and our budget is a fraction of what yours is but even so, sometimes I feel a little guitly because... it's ONE day of our entire lives together. I know we've all heard that before but you think if you make $200 monthly payments on $10,000 (and let's say to be easy it's 0% interest) that's over 4 years you'll be paying for this one day, one event. And if you pay $100 a month on 10K, that's more than 8 years of payments--and that will be much more stretched out if you have any kind of an APR on it. Idk, it's not for me but if you're feeling a little guilty about some things maybe it's time to do some trimming of your budget elsewhere.
This article is helpful.
http://www.diybride.com/2007/08/23/credit-cards-your-wedding/
I would recommend postponing the wedding to a later date so you don't have borrow money through a loan or your 401K. My reasoning is, that if you are currently living paycheck to paycheck, how are you going to pay off that loan?? If it comes from your 401K then they will take it out of your paycheck automatically. If you take out a loan you will need to start making payments immediately.
I know you want the BIG wedding, can you wait till you have more available funds?
@ LorennaL: That's a good article.
Years ago I caught a segment on Oprah who was interviewing couples having their dream weddings. One couple planned to charge their huge wedding expenses all on their credit card. So Oprah calculated out their payments with the credit card's interest rate and total charged on it and she informed the couple that if they made monthly minimum payments, they would still have a balance on the card even after they passed away from old age. It was shocking!
I"m just going to chime in and agree with everyone else. Your wedding is one day and you don't want to start off your marriage so far in debt. Consider seeing what you can put aside every month instead and having a smaller/simpler wedding. Then, if you have the money, have a huge blow-out renewal of vows at 10 years! why not? :)
We are paying for everything ourselves, too. Well, except for the reception dinner. My Fi's parents want to take care of that. But other than that we will be using unused school loans and savings.
Don't feel guilty. Just try and see where you can go with your budget and if you can do it for less! = ) Try not to take the loan, though. Wedding debt probably isn't that fun.
Whatever you do, please don't borrow against your 401 (k) unless you are facing a dire emergency.
Here are the two issues you need to be concerned with:
Everyone is entitled to the wedding of their dreams..within reason. I am also paying for the entire wedding, but taking out a loan was never an option. I would be careful borrowing on your 401k. Starting a marriage out in debt seems way to stressful, and not worth it. Think about how this will affect your life after the wedding. Remember it is only 5 hours of fun, and then it is over!
We are a young couple, i'm 21 and he's 23. We're paying for pretty much this entire wedding ourselves, except for a few things here and there. His parents paid for the STD cards, a whopping $50. Thus far, we have booked our photographer ($2,800) and paid the $500 deposit and paid for half my dress ($524). The photographer is really expensive, but since we aren't having a videographer, we wanted to be sure to get everything captured (we're having 2 photographers for 8 hours). My parents have agreed to pay for the invitations, but I, personally, will only allow them to pay $500 due to the guilt.
My mom recently got her salary cut 5% and they recently took out a second mortgage on the house.
That said, I would advise you to not spend what you don't have. A co-worker of mine took out a 45K loan for her wedding. Yes, it is going to be a beautiful wedding, but that good credit and that huge loan could have been used to purchase a new car, or for a down payment on a house. They will be paying their wedding off for years, as will you if you take out a loan.
My dad has always told me to not spend beyond my means. I didn't listen, and now I'm in about 11K debt (credit card & student loans). I've since cut up my credit card and have been paying each paycheck for it, while also setting money aside, leaving very little to play with. I don't think I ever want to be in debt again and have that hanging over my head. The only debt I will see acceptable are a car and house. Other than that, I will be living within my means. Extravagence is nice, but you need to be able to afford it first.
I know how you feel on having your special day, but I agree with most everyone else. Don't go into debt for this one day. Our plan was originally to get married next year, but looking at the cost for the type of wedding that we wanted to have we knew we couldn't do it next year without a loan or credit cards. I don't want to start the marriage out in wedding debt so after some wise words from my fiance and mother we decided to push the wedding back a year and just save up for the wedding.
We aren't paying for the wedding entirely by ourselves (we're doing half and my parents are wonderful enough to pay for the other half). We're cutting back where we can and I've been super excited finding DIY projects to do for the wedding that cut costs (like making our invitations, save the dates, aisle decorations). The best part is that we're going to have a special day and when it's over, there won't be any bills to remind us of our wedding, just wonderful pictures and memories.
I wish you all the best and really hope everything works out for you!
I'd have to agree with the above comments. A HELOC or 401k loan will only stretch you further than your current paycheck-to-paycheck situation.
However, I will say, don't feel guilty about paying for your own wedding. It's far better than being a burden on others. My father is in the car industry and my mom is in the school system. It's been rough for them and I don't want my wedding to be one more thing on their minds. We set a dollar amount that they believe they can save before my wedding and set our overall budget from that.
But, maybe there's a way to have the wedding of your dreams on a smaller budget. Decide what's really important and cut other areas of your budget to make it happen. We're going with a simple chicken meal. I'd love to have something fancier, but it's just not in the budget. Now, he's a caterer so he wouldn't appreciate that but it's an example :)
It's not good to start your marriage life in DEBT. You don't want to worry about your DEBT after your dream wedding. Settle on something you can afford or wait a little longer so you'll have more time to save.
Me and my fiance is paying for our upcoming wedding which I think is better than relying on our family. They have their own bills to take care of plus we'll be able to do anything we want for our wedding. We have some saving before our enagement and got all serious on saving up once we got enaged.
I feel the same way. Both my brother in law and brother are unemployed and i feel bad just talking about the wedding around them. Like, here i am getting ready to blow all this money and there you are, unemploed. :/ I just hope and pray things get better for them soon. :]
live within your means; my original budget was $15,000 it has ballooned to $21,000 not including honeymoon; I'm paying for it alone my dad is broke and has an expensive 2nd wife, since the bride's family pays and its tradition, meaning I used my savings, luckily I am very good with my money and have savings except I won't have a job moving to england so even if I have the dough it doesnt mean I am going to sepnd it all; he's helping finance his entire family come over from europe plus his groomsman and best man
I did lots of DIY, bargained as hard as possible, but I always made sure I lived within my means, even helped my brother and his daughter come out shelling out one grand, but I have a limit to my generosity and they will need to pull in their weight too it can't just be me--theyll be helping me with flowers, helping pay for their own meals while here; I need money left for the house we want to buy, he has an inheritance but ahs used some of that for the wedding and his course
bottom line live within your means you don't know what the future holds and if God forbid either of you loses your job then that would be financial disaster
well - after talking it over, we have figured out how to pay for the wedding. i talked him out of getting the home equity loan....we ARE going to use my 401K (i've even talked to a good friend who is a financial home lender and he agreed that it's a great idea to do 401K over the other, plus it'll only cost me like $30/check to pay it back - it comes out automatically)
so anywhoo...yeah - as far as DIY - believe me - I'm doing practically EVERYTHING that I possibly can as DIY - in fact my MOH is constantly telling me she can't believe how much I'm "paying" for things such as my invites (for 100 invites it'll be like $75 total, including envelopes and everything...) she spent over $600. my flowers I've bought at $125 (still have a few more things so probably $175 total) she spent over $6000 - yes that is 6 thousand on hers!
we're not getting an expensive cake - his boss makes fabulous cakes, just doesn't do crazy decorating...but i can find a very simple/classic design I like.
our photographer I found at work - her mom works at my work - and for ALL DAY / UNLIMITED - total is $1500 - already payed her $500.
we also always get a VERY good tax refund every year and next year will be the first time we owned a home / payed taxes...so that'll make a huge difference too.
course, what sucks is that we have to pay off the venue right before we would recieve our tax check, lol.
but yeah - things will work out. and believe me - other than the venue - everything else we are doing for the wedding IS within our means and most is DIY. and the venue itself is already an INCREDIBLE deal (normally it's around 20K or more we are getting it for 7,500 total. we owe 6500 on it.
anywhoo - i really appreciate everyone's comments and believe me, we're NOT going over-crazy...and we WILL pay for most of it with cash (other than taking out my small loan from my 401K) it's just still stressful.
yikes, still dont know if I agree with taking a loan out for a wedding; to me that just means you are spending beyond your budget
We are having a four year engagement to try and help save, but we will still be taking out a loan for the wedding. I think it's fine as long as you know the amount is within reason.
our wedding is a little less than 2 years away and we will be paying for it ourselves - my fiance is willing to pay about 3 times as much as me and take a loan but I am aiming to keep it to what he can easily save in two years. I am a student and so I don't have an income and it would be viable to add the expenses to my loans but I feel like you shouldn't take it unless absoultly necessary and unless you know you can absoulutly pay it off in 4 years like you would a car loan.
If you are feeling guilty about it then you are spending too much.
We both took out 401K loans and now we regret it. I had to pay so much in taxes and he will be paying this for a while.
My wedding is only about 5K total (small ceremony, large picnic reception) and I still feel guilty, but that's because we have a 7 month old infant.
I know you are going to do what you want but I would not take out a 401K loan. Previous posters pointed out the penatlies and loss of tax free income and that is your future, don't you want to know you are safe in the future?
We are paying for our wedding ourselves and will have a 3 year engagement so we've had some time to save. I put aside a significant but unexpected commission I earned at my last job and he anticipated using his bonus until he found out there will be no bonus thanks to the current state of the economy so I cut out shopping and we are eating out less in order to increase savings and he has taken up option trading to finance the honeymoon. I know the solution is different for everyone but I hate to think that you would eat into your retirement fund for a big wedding. Have you thought about a different/cheaper venue? A good deal is not a good deal if you don't need/can't afford the product.
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is anyone else paying for their wedding themselves?
we - I'd say for the most part are.
we're right now trying to get a home equity loan, and if we can't do that I will be taking a loan from my 401k to pay for it.
thing is - I DO want a big wedding - and we already have the venue booked, my mom already bought the dress (which as much as i LOVE my dress, i feel bad now because she spent over $1100 total for dress, accessories, etc...on her davids bridal credit card...)
but we are living paycheck to paycheck and while we're having a "fancy" wedding for MUCH cheaper than most...(our venue, normally like a $20,000 place we got for $7500 because mr. junebride is a caterer and has done stuff there before, so he knows the guy...)
LUCKILY - the fact that mr. junebride IS a caterer, that right there is a huge relief as far as that goes...our food bill will be dirt cheap!
in fact, we're thinking only about $15,000 for the whole day - and as I'm sure a lot of you know - for a "fancy" wedding at any big venue, that's pretty danm good.
But I don't know - I am just seriously beginning to feel SO much guilt for spending money we DON'T have.
PLUS - i was talking to my mom this morning and my brother, who lives outside of disney world in florida...he and his wife have a 1 and a half year old baby. my sister in law has a job, but my brother has been unemployed now for this entire year...he's been trying and trying and TRYING to find a job - going EVERYWHERE - (he's a mechanic) but he's tried fast food, retail, gas stations, you name it - he can't find anything...finally he got a job, showed up on the first day and they told him to go home because they decided to hire someone else!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I could snap my fingers and that would get him a job, I'd do it in a millisecond.
I'm not that close with him but that just absolutely peeeeves me off! :( I have been praying every day for him to find a job because he is a very responsible guy and LOVES his family more than anything and is NOT the lazy bum type of guy - he just can't find ANYTHING. my mom said he's absolutely torn up inside about this and i actually feel guilty, too, because I just got a promotion and in another 6 months, after training, I'll be making over $54K.
anyways...of course, though, even though mr. junebride and i MAKE good money together we STILL have NO money at the end of OUR checks either.
But because my brother's in the bind he is, my mom and dad are doing everything THEY can to help him out (which they absolutely SHOULD do...) but my dad has been forced down to 4 days a week at HIS job, losing close to 1/3 of his paycheck!
I soooo want this wedding - I really do - but part of me is just beginning to feel SO incredibly guilty for wanting one. Like I'm being selfish.
I've tried to talk to DH about it and he keeps telling me "we'll be fine - we'll have our wedding and it'll be great"
ugh! sorry i just needed to vent. please tell me i'm not the only bride out there feeling the guilt of the economy and wanting a wedding!!!!!!