(Closed) paying for everything ourselves…feeling guilty

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We paid for our wedding ourselves, but if we hadn’t had the money to do so, we wouldn’t have spent it. Plain and simple. If DH hadn’t spent 15 months in Iraq, tax free, we wouldn’t have had the big wedding we had. And by big, I’m talking what you’re talking about. 15K goes far in the midwest. Here is my advice: don’t spend money you don’t have. You’re already pulling out a loan, and I promise you’ll be paying for that wedding for years. What if you get pregnant? Another loan to pay for baby stuff? If your husband’s catering job doesn’t do as well this year? Much to many peoples’ disbelief, 54K a year is not that big of a salary. I had trouble getting beyond paycheck to paycheck when I made that much, too. It was tough pulling off a wedding for barely more than what yours is and we wouldn’t have been able to do it without DH’s tax-free paycheck. 

Work within your means. I think it is very foolish to spend money you don’t have, particularly a huge chunk like 15K. It’s counting your chickens before they are hatched. Do you have a plan to pay off the 15K that is reasonable? If you take out a loan, your 15K wedding will end up costing 20K with interest. It’d be one thing if you had like 10K saved already. But you make it sound like you have nothing.

How are you going to pay for a wedding if you can barely feed yourselves? Do you have an emergency fund? What about your 401K? That can really set you back

Plus, how much of a guarantee is your job? what if you get laid off? Nobody is truly exempt in this economy. It’s easy to say “we’ll be fine” but if the money isn’t there, then what?

I’m not trying to rain on your parade, I’m trying to be realistic. I don’t believe in spending or living beyond your means. Even if you want something doesn’t mean you should or can have it if you can’t afford it. And while I think everyone has the right to spend their money their own way, I’d have trouble spending money on a wedding if my family was in a financial bind. There are lots of things I want but don’t have. Hardwood floors? =]. That being said, you need to reevaluate your budget and see where you can start saving. Everybody can trim some fat.

Post # 4
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Woah!! I’ll tell you right now that whatever  you think you’re going to spend on the wedding now (almost a year a way) you might as well add another $10,000 to that. It sounds like you want a big fancy wedding which means lots of little details that add up fast.  Going into debt for your wedding may seem logical right now, but it really is not a good idea!  Perhaps you need to wait and save up some money or wait until the economy improves but I really think you are endangering your future by making these financial decisions.  Our wedding, which is not big and fancy but is instead simple, intimate, and elegant is costing us $30,000 and we’re paying for $18,000 of that on our own.  We originally were thinking $20,000. We fortunately make very good money and have been able to pay for everything out of pocket.  We are also older–28 and 32–and realize that the financial decisions we make now will impact out future.  I wish you the best of luck…

Post # 5
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t take out a loan for the wedding. You may want a fancy big wedding, but you are already feeling guilty. You might  even feel a lot worse once the day is over and have to pay all that money back. As I’m sure you know…we can’t always get what we want and sometimes to compromise is the best way to go.

Post # 6
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We’re paying for our wedding ourselves, along the lines of your same budget, but less if I can manage it!  When we first started planning, we thought along the same lines as you did, but in the end we listened to everyone else who gave us the advice to NOT spend money that we didn’t have. 

We’ve managed to save and invest and do enough of it ourselves that we’re going to throw one heck of a party on what we can afford, not  going into further debt because of the party.  The other comments make sense too…you don’t know what the future will hold, so it’s best to play it safe.  We are also older and can see how mistakes/choices that we made in the past (financially speaking) have cost us more in the long run than we ever though possible at the time that we made the decision. 

I would encourage you to try and save more money instead of borrowing it…even though we’re spending $15k on a wedding that we CAN afford, it still feels selfish, when I know that that money could be going somewhere a little smarter. 

Post # 7
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would feel guilty too, and I wouldn’t do it. We paid for everything ourselves and only spent what we thought was reasonable.

You’re not selfish for wanting a wedding, but I’d really encourage you to work within your means. It sounds like you have a lot of good deals in front of you and you can have a wonderful wedding just based on that alone and not take out loans for other wedding expenses.

Post # 8
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

first of all, don’t feel guilty.  the fact that you are paying for it yourselves is awesome; we are doing the same thing, though we are going more the less-big-fancy route.  Take a look at the ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ for your wedding and make the appropriate decisions.  You’ll be fine, don’t stress too much (rhetorical advice, I know!) Laughing

Post # 9
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Since he is a caterer can he barter with other professionals in the industry?  The photographers, planners, etc will probably give a great discount because he’s in the industry and they want to be on his good side for future referrals.  also, most of us on here are diy queens! so diy as many things as you possibly can! i agree on not taking out the extra loan, for your wedding, well just because i think weddings should be paid for in cash, it is only one day (even though it’s the start of your married lives together and should be special and emotional and beautiful and touching and heartwarming) all of those adjectives describe a wedding on a 1,000 budget for 2 and a 80,000 budget for 300.  Good luck and I’m sure your wedding will be perfectly gorgeous.

Post # 10
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree with ejs4y8.  You absolutely shoudn’t be taking out a loan for thousands of dollars for your wedding when you are living paycheck to paycheck, because you never know what other emergencies will come up later (i.e. car repairs, medical bills) that may make money even tighter.  I also think you should be able to have your *dream wedding*. 

My fiance and I make a total of $60K right now as grad students living in Boston, and are paying for our wedding ourselves as well.  But we worked really hard to cut our spending (i.e. shopping, eating out, other bills) so that we could save for our big day.  We each put aside $500 per month into a savings account specifically for our wedding, and will have $20K saved by the time our wedding date comes, even though we only plan to spend about $12K. 

I think you can get out of living from paycheck to paycheck, it just requires you to seriously change your habits.  But please don’t start your marriage with $15K in debt!  Financial problems are one of the top causes for divorce!

Post # 11
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Listen to your gut… It’s trying to tell you something.  The wedding is one day, and the only thing you’ll have to show for it is some photos and some memories.  It doesn’t put a roof over your head or shoes on your feet… Well, ok, maybe one pair of shoes, but how many times are you going to wear those?

I think going into debt for a wedding is an incredibly bad idea.  We saved for ours, which is why we had a long engagement… but we came into our marriage debt free, which is best for us as a new family.

 

Post # 12
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

We’re paying for everything, but we’re doing it all in cash. Not a credit card in sight for this whole thing. It makes it harder, but it’s not worth it to go into debt for one day or one weekend in our case. You’re spending close to half your yearly salary on one night and you’re having to take our a loan to do it. Why not do something small now and do something bigger a couple of years down the road when you can afford it. That’s what we’ve done basically. We eloped 6 years ago {this Sunday} and now we’re renewing our vows next October. We didn’t elope due to money issues, but it works the same.

Post # 13
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We are paying for the wedding ourselves as well, and like KateMW its all 100% cash, absolutely NO debt and THAT is a wonderful feeling. As much as I am excited about the wedding, knowing that we won’t be in debt afterwards is just as much an exciting feeling as well. Its a hard thing to do, but if you deep down feel that you are spending too much on the wedding to the point where you feel guilty, you should listen to that little voice and make some cutbacks.

Post # 14
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’ll just say this, we’re paying for our wedding ourselves. We thought about refinancing our house but realized that the 10K penalty to do it was soooooo not worth it. We got a credit card instead and our budget is a fraction of what yours is but even so, sometimes I feel a little guitly because… it’s ONE day of our entire lives together. I know we’ve all heard that before but you think if you make $200 monthly payments on $10,000 (and let’s say to be easy it’s 0% interest) that’s over 4 years you’ll be paying for this one day, one event. And if you pay $100 a month on 10K, that’s more than 8 years of payments–and that will be much more stretched out if you have any kind of an APR on it. Idk, it’s not for me but if you’re feeling a little guilty about some things maybe it’s time to do some trimming of your budget elsewhere.

Post # 16
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I would recommend postponing the wedding to a later date so you don’t have borrow money through a loan or your 401K.  My reasoning is, that if you are currently living paycheck to paycheck, how are you going to pay off that loan??  If it comes from your 401K then they will take it out of your paycheck automatically.  If you take out a loan you will need to start making payments immediately. 

I know you want the BIG wedding, can you wait till you have more available funds?

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