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Yep! I'm paying for about 90 percent of mine. Basically because I make a lot more than my fiance; and he's not into the whole consumerist side of weddings; and he's in the middle of doing a gorgeous renovation on a gorgeous old house for us -- and I wouldn't even want him to take a dime off (or even time off) that to devote to what basically is my wedding dream, not his. He'd just as soon be married in our back yard with a bottle of wine. Since this is really my choice, i totally don't have a problem with it! I wouldn't expect my family to pay for all of it, either -- it just is not how I was brought up, to demand giant multi-thousand-dollar gifts -- and they can't, right now, anyway. (Note: I do sometimes chuckle softly to myself when I read some brides on here weaping and moaning with self-pity because whoever is footing the bill for them-- parent, fiance -- won't splash out on XYZ thing they want. Suck it up, sisters. Chuckle, heh heh.)
We're paying for our entire wedding! Wouldn't have it any other way because then nobody gets to stick their 2 pennies in the mix!
Thanks! I agree. FI has single handedly fenced in our entire backyard for the dogs with a beautiful 3 board Kentucky horse fence, built an amazing garden, handbuilt our dining room table and sofa tables and I would rather he spend his money on the house than this silly little wedding. The majority of his spending cash goes to new wood working equipment. How can I say no to such an amazing hobby that will eventually furnish our entire home!?!
I'm with you on the whole self pity stuff. Grow up watching your mom go without so her kids have enough to eat or run out of propane in the winter and can't get it filled because her assistance check hasn't come yet and the woodpile's getting low so you all sleep next to the woodstove as it doesn't put out enough heat to warm the whole house.... Moved away and never looked back but I sure did learn how NOT to do things.
I'd say I'm paying about 85-90% of it. I'm paying for the decor, the dress, My FI's ring, the officiant's hotel room/gas, and invites among several other things. We're having a potluck rehearsal dinner so I can get recipes and FI's parents are buying/making all the food and the cake.
If you're really into DIY I suggest Micheals! They send out great cupons, and I've gotten some pretty awesome deals!
Ummm I kind of am. We are going to be buying a house and getting married within one year. I have a nice bank account but bf pretty much drained his for my ring (how dare he.... hehe). I figure that the total amount needed for our wedding + down payment is about double what I currently have saved. We're going to be contributing equally to a savings account, so I'll end up paying for about 75% of the total for house/wedding.
I know my bf wishes that he could contribute more but it isn't his fault that I make more. What is nice is that his job is more steady/predictable than mine and also has fantastic benefits (can't wait for good healthcare!). My job has the potential to make a lot (this year I made almost double what he did), but also has the potential to not make a lot at all, and I have no benefits (which means super crappy private healthcare etc). In the end I just figure it doesn't really matter. My money is his money and vice versa. Plus, he loves working and I don't so I figure that I'll probably move to part time or retire before him anyways :)
His parents and my parents made some contributions to "the cause" and I am paying for the rest. I am marrying a chef who happens to own his restaurant as well. All of his money goes into keeping it going right now and barely paying his bills. So, I am paying for our living expenses as well. I see it as an investment. He feels badly that he can't contribute like he wants to.
We had a florist "situation" a few weeks ago, and he ran to the bank and gave me money to get what I wanted when a florist tried to pull a fast one on us. I am getting them wholesale and doing it myself, but his save-the-day contribution meant more to me than if he'd paid for the whole thing.
It's rough, but it can be done. I'd say if you're waiting on his parents to only hope for something if they've already mentioned it. They gave us money for it, but it was also an early wedding present. So, we won't be seeing anymore from them once the big day gets here.
He bought the ring, I'm paying for the wedding. My parents believe in the what we did for one we do for all. So when my first sister got married, they paid for her dress. The dress was gorgeous on her but very easy on the pocketbook. So they will end up giving me a couple hundred dollars, which honestly won't make a dent in the day. Besides, one of my sisters has been quite vocal on the fact that since I'm so much older I shouldn't even dream of asking my parents of money. (If you've followed some of my family drama posts, you must be wondering about my sisters!) My FI's mom is 84 years old, and I wouldn't dream of asking her for money. So it is what it is.
Yep I'm paying for about 80 to 90%... the rest will be advanced gifts that friends and family ahve offered. The FH knows I'm pretty stressed about money b/c we are young and I have spent my savings to support my volunteer work but I refuse to let him pay for anything. His savings is going to our home and post-wedding expenses :) And with what I have saved working and budgeted we will have no problems paying for our wedding with zero debt after :D That's a huge deal for me!
Yeah, me too. Fiance is unemployed and has school debt. He asked me to marry him 1 mo before I finished my school debt, and I'm working (at a non-profit). Neither of our family's has the money/inclination to pay. I totally wanted to elope, but the community aspect is hella important to him, so.... onwards and upwards, doing my best!
I was surprised & kinda glad to find this thread. I'm glad I'm not alone!!
He popped the Q in February and was laid off in April. Long story short, he had left a previous job for the one he was laid off from and since he was at his last job for less than 2months… that's right - no unemployment. Thanks NYState.
I have a pretty stable job (knock on wood) and he recently found a part-time job. We're fine paying bills, etc. but we're still struggling to save $ by Sept '10. We had already decided to move in together in May. Paying 2 rents didn't seem smart when spent every night together anyway. So basically he's moved into my place where I continue to pay the majority of the bills. He does have a job bartending once a week, so that pays for his cell phone, lease & car ins. His new part time gig will allow us to save more.
I don't mean to say he doesn't contribute. He certainly cleans & cooks and all that (my apt's never been cleaner! hah) and he's able to pay for groceries most of the time. Plus, him being unemployed = FREE wedding planner! Meeting with a florist at 1pm? No problem. LOL
The problem is: We had planned on banking his salary and living off of mine. He used to make more than me & we had decided to stash away the higher salary in savings and live off of whoever made lower. This obviously isn't happening now.
It hasn't effected our relationship at all, but I feel bad when my FI gets down on himself. I can't hire him and we can't afford a mini-vaca to get away from it all, so being there is all I can really do to help. How are you all dealing with it?
I am glad to see there are actually more of us than I thought. I am paying for about 80-90% since I'm currently the only one working since FI got laid off in February when his mom almost died on us and his boss didn't believe that she was in ICU even after FI took the hospital papers to him.
Anyway he has been trying to get another job ever since but it's really hard to find a job here in Ft Lauderdale at this time. Ugghhh it is just sooo frustrating and we've had to push the wedding back once already
Because of the way our budget works, I paid for everything we bought that was wedding-related. This includes my engagement ring and his wedding band. Granted, our wedding was not expensive at all (budget post coming soon!) by wedding standards, but if it had been, I would have been the one to foot the bill (for anything that wasn't gifted to us by parents). He pays for a lot of day-to-day stuff, so it's me who takes care of the long-term.
We're not engaged yet, but I know my parents would offer money. Since this would be my 2nd wedding, I would not allow them to chip in any because they paid for my ENTIRE wedding... invities, favors, bridesmaid gifts, etc.
I make 5x, if not more, what the Boy does, but we don't really handle money like it's his/mine. What he has he gives to me pretty much completely. Still, by virtue of the fact that I make the majority of the money that pays our expenses, technically I will be contributing more than he does.
It's nice to hear about others who have similar situations.
So far I've paid for close to 90%. I graduated from college in 08, and he just graduated last June. My part time job turned into a full time after graduation (I was really lucky), and FH thought his internship would turn into a full time position too. Unfortunately, his company told him they wouldn't be able to hire him full time. They have kept him on as a temporary employee, but his last day is this wednesday. :( My job on the other hand has lots of stability. So I've paid for almost everything so far.
My aunt has offered to help with the dress, and I might get some help from my grandpa. I'm not sure about the amount from my grandpa yet. So, I'm planning to pay for it myself and be really thankful with any amount I'm given.
FH is really sad that he can't contribute, and I always tell him that it will even out some day. The sharing expenses comment comes up too, but neither make him feel better. I think its because he grew up with his dad making the money and taking care of those things. I think it bugs him that he can't do the same, but I don't mind paying for most of it myself. I was raised to be pretty independent (like many others in this post have mentioned). I like doing things for myself, and I like that I have the ability to pay for wedding expenses. It might get harder closer to the wedding, but I think it will work out. I don't really spend that much money on a lot of things, and I don't mind spending my money on the wedding. I just feel bad when FH gets down about the wedding, job, and money in general. We both know that we are going to be fine, but its hard to look around the immediate obstacles.
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We're doing a DW in Northern Michigan. If it was up to him, we'd already be married at the JoP. His philosophy is that it doesn't matter how much the wedding costs, one is not "more married" than another. Incredibly true. We are both very practical and fiscally responsible people and I typically buy my clothes at resale and Goodwill shops because I hate spending money. I'm also one of those coupon clippers that routinely saves $100 on $130 worth of groceries. Even though I make great money now, I was raised on welfare and food stamps so "spending" has never been my thing. Sure we have nice things and a wonderful home, but we're currently replacing all the duct work in the house in addition to new heating and air.
Imagine the FI's surprise when I said I wanted something a little more than a JoP wedding considering how I feel about spending money elsewhere. I make considerable more money that the FI and while he feels the money would be much better spent on the HVAC system, he understands my "girlyness" of wanting a little shindig. He has made it abundantly clear that he will not be able to help pay for the wedding on his salary in addition to our home improvement projects we have scheduled. He currently manages his father's bicycle shop and while he gets a lot of perks - company car, travel allowance, etc, his salary will not really increase until he buys the business - which won't happen for several years.
I am totally fine with this and willing to pay for the wedding by myself. He has approached me a few times expressing sadness that he is unable to contribute like I am and wants to sell some of his things (motorcycle) to help pay for it. I do not want him to sell his things or feel bad about this at all. This is a gift I am giving to us as I can afford it. Besides, I will reap the benefits of owning a bike shop down the road where we can go to Europe and watch the Tour de France, mountain bike in Germany, backpack through Italy, etc! :-) As is, I have a lot of great bikes through the bike shop as they help sponsor my racing. It's not like he's a cheap bum. He's just got other irons in the fire right now.
My mother is still on public assistance so there is no help there. Besides, I am not comfortable asking others for anything. It's very hard for me to ask for help when I was taught at such a young age that no one would take care of you, like yourself. Is there some secret hope that his parents will give us an awesome wedding gift, sure, but again it's not expected. His parents are wonderful people and I can't wait to call them my own.
Just wondered if any other brides were in the same situation as me?
Jeni