Post # 1
Not sure if this should be in Etiquette or Bridesmaids but here goes…
I have 5 BMs and one junior BM (a cousin). 3 of my BMs, and my junior BM, are completed supported by their parents and not restricted at all in what they can buy or charge. 2 of them do not get help from their parents and do not have well paying jobs.
I was just wondering, is it rude or wrong if I pay for the 2 that are not as fortunate to get their hair or makeup done? I already paid the $100 deposit on the BM dress for one of them but I don’t think anyone else knows this. I am not demanding that any of them get hair or makeup done for the wedding, but I know the 2 that are short on cash would like to get at least their makeup done.
I already bought gifts for all 6 of them (earrings for the wedding, and sets from the Body Shop) that cost around $55 per girl.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? I wish I could afford to pay for everyone’s hair and makeup but I just don’t have enough money and FI and I already decided $50 per person in the wedding party is an appropriate gift. Hair + makeup is $150, and hair only is $80, makeup only is $70. Should I do it on the sly and just try to make sure nobody else knows?
Thank you for reading my long post! Any advice is welcome! Thanks!
Post # 3
personally, i think if you are doing this there is no reason why the other bridesmaids have to know. quietly arrange it with the girls, request they not say anything, and if someone DOES find out, be open and honest about your reasoning.
Post # 4
I would say no. They should be treated equally. HOWEVER, if I was one of the bridesmaids that could afford something, I would understand if I found out why another one was paid for. But that doesnt mean everyone would understand.
Because parents are paying for their daughters you are now involving the parents as well as the BM’s. So you now run the risk of making made 3 times as many people.
Post # 5
That is a tough one. But if this is what you want to do, then do it. Just don’t make a big deal of it or go around telling the other girls what you are doing. And I’m sure if they found out and you explained why they would be understanding.
Post # 6
Well I am paying for my JM BM dress and probably for her and make up. She is my niece and is only 13. Her mom really can’t pay for it. My other 2 BM’s know about this and are okay with it because JM BM is family.
Post # 7
I say do it and just don’t tell the others. It’s not really their business, and it’s not like they are out the money anyway. One of our groomsmen is very tight financially, and we’re helping him out a bit. I don’t think it’s a big deal.
Post # 8
I’m doing the same. I haven’t told any of the BMs what I’m doing either. I’m paying for my MOH dress because she found out she’s preggers and they are are finanancially tight so I happily offered to cover it. Also, I’m paying for another BM because she has been flying in for my e-party, shower, next my bach party, then the wedding. I feel guilty for all the cost she’s incurring flying in for all of the events, even though she has never complained and is happy to do it, so in secret, I paid for dress. 🙂
So as long as the others don’t know, I say go for it. Everyone is in diff financial situation, there’s no need to highlight it for everyone else to know.
They are all going to get bm gifts as well.
Post # 9
In this day and age where job lay-offs are more common than not I don’t see a reason to advertise that you are helping out another BM. Pay discreetly and advise them about this as well.
I will be paying for 3 of my BMs dresses as 2 are my sisters and they bought my dresses when I stood up in their weddings and the 3rd is my daughter. I don’t plan on telling anyone except the seamstress. No one needs to know.
Post # 10
I’d do it and keep it quiet, no one else needs to know. I wouldn’t want any of my bridal party feel awkward with people knowing they had to have help with the financial side. However if anyone found out, i’d just explain as I’m sure the others would understand.
In a way I’m glad I’m paying for all the bridesmaid’s clothing, shoes, hair etc as it tends to be easier that way (but obviously more expensive!) as that’s just the way it’s done here in the UK.
Post # 11
I think I am going to just discreetly pay for makeup for the 2 of them. I don’t think either of them would go around advertising it anyway.
Thank you for the advice! My wedding is in a little over a month and it seems like every day there’s a new detail I have to deal with, so it’s always wonderful to see what the Beehive has to say!
Post # 13
I paid for one of my bridesmaid’s hair and makeup, bc she makes very little money at her job and wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. I didn’t say anything to any of the other BMs and I don’t think she did either.