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This afternoon I went for a walk outside with my husband. We stood on a streetcorner waiting for the light to change for him to walk back to work one way and me the other. We had one arm around eachother and we kissed goodbye (a brief, closedmouth kiss). As we did this, a man on a bicycle came careening down the sidewalk toward us, yelling "Get a room, get a room, get a room, get a room, get a room!" (Yes, he yelled it five times from his bicycle.)
I feel quite upset about this. My husband and I are very affectionate, and this is not the first time someone has yelled at us to "get a room." But I do not think that we overstep the bounds of propriety with our behavior. One kiss on a streetcorner is not bounds to scream at us in front of everyone. And then (relatedly) one time on the subway on the way home from work, I yawned without covering my mouth and a woman rushed over (who had been sitting in a seat facing away from me halfway across the car, how she saw I will never know) to yell me that my "behavior was disgusting, just disgusting" and that I should be ashamed of myself. Who are these people and where did they learn their manners?
I wish I had a retort in these situations. How do you respond when strangers make rude comments about your behavior in public? That subway incident happened probably six months ago now and I still feel upset about it! (That is sort of shameful to admit, ugh.) What do you think?
I've never had it happen to me, but I would probably have said bite me? :) LOL Kidding, but to the woman I would have said "It's also disgusting to treat a stranger like you are" and to the bike guy, I would have ignored him. He's just some kid that was being a goofy jerk. You can mack on your husband when you want!
I've had this happen before too - at a bar, none the less. My response was to climb on my guy's lap and plant a nice long kiss on him.
I guess PDA is in the eye of the beholder. my FI and I are affectionate, but not grossly so. we give each other pecks and hugs a lot. my mum has already warned me (multiple times) that i'm to tone it down for the wedding.
i do think the folks in your incidents overreacted.
Don't let others opinions diminish your self-worth.
Should you have covered your mouth on the subway - yeah, probably - but it's not like you did anything majority offensive! The lady who spoke to you was way out of line and I'd encourage you to think about why her forward, outspoken behavior is still bothering you 6 months later.
As for the PDA - some people will just say that. I don't think there is anything wrong with your behavior as it is quite socially acceptable.
Life is full of people who will voice their opinions - you just have to learn to take it as it comes and try to let it roll off your back. For me, understanding the root of why something bothered me so much, really helps me process the experience better.
p.s. I hope in 5-10-15... years people will yell 'get a room' at me and hubby! :)
if he had been standing next you he probably would never had said anything. The only reason he said something was cause he was on a bike and was already moving away from you. He was just being a jerk. If you are just kissing good-bye, it's not an issue. If, however you were standing in front of an elementary school groping each other and making out, that's a different story., :)
Perhaps we should yell back "What's your address?" so that we can offer to come over and make out at a location more convenient to him. :)
my FI and i are very affectionate as well. we are always giving each other little kisses and gazing into each other's eyes. we have never had anyone say anything about pda or getting a room. that guy on the bike was just being annoying. who cares about him, it was just a kiss.
I can think of 2 words, the first starts with an f and the second with a y. I can't stand people like that - both of them were rude and deserve rudeness back. I get the whole 'kill them with kindness' but I only use that if I have to see them again! :)
I'm all for hand holding and a little snuggle or kiss depending on where we are. Particularly if a good bye is involved. Some places are off-limits (grocery stores? ha) as we are very anti-PDA in general. We're very affectionate in private.
That being said, people say just about anything to anybody! If you guys were getting it on, i'd say "get a room" too! lol. Just yell back "bite me" and don't let it bug you! They're just obnoxious people. It's not like you're literally doing anything excessive.
BTW, is it really "disgusting behavior" to not cover your mouth in a yawn? People amaze me. I'd have told some random woman off and told her to mind her own business...or faked a big ole yawn in her face.
I have to say, regarding the subway incident, you were both rude. You should cover your mouth, she should mind her own business when it's such a slight infraction of the social code. But I don't think the rule is "everyone should mind their business all the time." I saw some kids throwing a ball on a bus, bothering the other passengers, and I felt like saying something, but didn't. They then hit a very elderly woman (probably in her 80s) in the head. I felt so badly that I hadn't asked them to stop earlier...
Since when is yawning so offensive? I guess I do cover my mouth out of habit, but not to be more socially acceptable. I would never think twice about someone yawning on the subway without covering their mouth...unless it was right in my face.
Wow - people are picking on you for kissing your husband and yawning?? I wonder what kind of sheltered lives they lead.
In the moment I would either stare at these people strangely or you could shout "Excuse Me!!" with exaggerated importance.
Your post reminds me of an incident that happened to me one Saturday night in a downtown bar district a couple of months ago. I was walking across the street with my guy friend and this car full of guys drove by. One of them leaned out the window and yelled 'Hey! I wanna f*ck your face' and drove off. I was astonished and mad because they were gone before I even had a chance to yell back.
Hey Chelsea,
Yuck, I hate it when people act rude like that and it tends to put a shadow on my day as well.
I know from past posts that you've written that you are also in the mental health field so I just wanna remind you that some people out there are totally wiggity weird (and yes, that is my clinical assessment, lol). When they act like that, to yell something at strangers from a bike FIVE TIMES (really? five?) that is pretty extreme- even if they are yelling something like "Coming through". Is once not enough? Or twice? Three? Okay you get my drift... And the woman on the subway, well that is weird to put all of that effort into coming over to tell someone to cover their hand while they yawn. Come on, I've been on public transportation where people are sitting in their own urine and people rarely say anything. I would just figure in situations like this that it is their issue and not yours.
If you are really worried about the PDA thing, check with some friends and acquaintances to determine if your affection with your FI has ever made any one around you super uncomfortable. Guy on the bike just sounds like a grumpy pants!
I always get a mind blank when a stranger is unnecessarily rude to me in public! I guess I'm just so surprised when it happens. Then later, at home, I think of all the nice things I could've said back to them. I wish I was better at thinking on my feet :)
In other words, I understand where you're coming from.
I've had a jerk on a bike scream something at me once. They do it because they're cowards, they know by the time you scream anything back, they're out of earshot. As for the subway comment, THAT woman's behavior was disgusting, not yours.
I think it's hilarious that the word "yawning" was written so many times in this thread that I just started to yawn! For the record, I covered my mouth. There I go again! And this time I didn't cover. HA!
Haha, I'm yawning too!!
I've noticed that yawning is contagious but I didn't know that it could be transmitted via message board!
I try to remind myself that if I get angry and upset I am just playing into their game. It doesn't always help.
Did you know that those clever remarks you think up after the person is already far far away have a name? Staircase wit. In french: esprit d'escalier. Because you think of them when you're walking down the stairs on your way out. I love that.
Ha, reminds me of a bar I went to in NYC with my BF. This very rude girl pushed him right out of her way so that she could mosey up to the bar and steal his spot. He's a 250 # guy and she pushed hard enough to make him move!
As a a guy, he very well couldn't say/do anything back... but I could. I went right back over and nudged her out of the way to regain my man's standing position. She, obviously, very rarely has people stand up to her because her only response was : "UGH, YOU'RE FAT!" to which I responded, "and you have no class!" hehe, she was mortified.
Honestly, I think some people are just imbalanced.
You've also got me thinking about PDA in general. FI generally doesn't do gratuitous PDA, but it seems like some PDA is expected of the bride and groom at the wedding, hence the 'tapping the glasses' tradition.
I think I would have just belched as loud as I could at that woman on the subway.
Hubby and I do pretty minor PDA, I think. In front of friends we do a little deeper kissing (NEVER more than 5 seconds) and in public we'll walk with our arms around each other, hold hands, etc. We sometimes kiss in church too (split second closedmouthed)... I know, scandalous. 
The guy on the bilke was just being a jerk. My FI and I get it sometimes when we are downtown. It's always puns in bikes or cars when they know they won't be able to hear our repy. Just try to forget about it. - )
I'm really confused about this yawning business... How is it rude to randomly yawn on the subway and not cover your mouth? It's not a sneeze. It's not a cough. And I would assume you weren't inches from someone else's face... So if someone could explain? I really don't get it. I usually cover my mouth when I yawn, but mostly because I don't like people to see what I look like when I yawn. I've never thought it rude or disgusting when people yawn. Maybe if it is during a speech or presentation, as as already said, right in front of someone's face. I honestly am befuddled on this one.
The guy on the bike maybe thought he was being funny (the laugh at your own jokes thing) or quite possibly he was very very conservative. I wouldn't let it bother you, if you can help it.
I would honestly just yell back, "Get a life!" or "Don't be jealous!" I have to say that has never happened to me, and I'm not sure why these people think it's okay to say such things to you.
I would try to just ignore it or laugh it off. I would be annoyed/pissed off too and I agree with the girls who've said the kid on the bike was being smart and the lady was extremely rude and probably just a weird old lady! do NOT let it ruin your day(s)! :)
Yeah, if anyone said that to me and my fiance, we'd laugh and just start groping each other...
I probably would have told the lady on the subway how rude it is for her to be a b.tch and to mind her own business. And the guy on the bike what a jerko!!!! I always kiss M goodbye lol no matter where, well maybe except in his club, but we also give a quick smooch if no one is watching, lol that's just our style.
I kiss my FI in the grocery store but not make out. My friend just got back from Rome and said he was surprised at how much public full on making out there was everywhere, I think I'd rather see that then couples nagging at each other. That bothers me 10x more, the snipping and yelling you hear in public places, that's the PDA that bothers me between couples (public display of anger). I think I would just ignore it if someone said something, if you say something back or change your behavior you acknowledge they made an impact on you.
I would ignore the guy on the bike, though it probably would have made me just as mad if not more so because hubs and I are rarely affectionate in public (but would do what you described on occation)
As far as the lady on the subway. i would say something along the lines of "excuse me, are you the etiquette police? Mind your own business!" I would probably get pretty upset and I tend to be confrontational, so it might not have a pretty ending.
i'm sorry you had such rude experience with complete strangers!
Don't you hate not being able to think of something clever right at the moment?
One of my girlfriends (ooo I get to see her this weekend) is so good at that stuff. I love being out with her when we get catcalls or yells, because she always thinks of the most hilarious perfect comment on the spot. She's the best! Everyone should have a friend like that!
Ugh, the PDA issues are really annoying to me, too. I like to show my affection, thankyouverymuch, and if you're disturbed by it, don't look!
Buy a cattle prod, that'll shut them up. *Heeheehee!*
I'd have stuck my foot out infront of the biker and watched that sucker bust his butt- okay well maybe not but in my mind it looked good. :P
I totally understand - I am in DC where people can be SO aggressive (I'm thinking mostly on the roads but in other situations as well.) Few things get under my skin as much as people who are nasty purely for the sake of being nasty. In this area you literally have people swearing at you because you break for pedestrians. Awhile back in a parking garage an elderly man (seriously, at least 75,) and I started to pull out at the same time and this tiny little grandpa literally rolls down his window and starts this profanity laden tirade, even after I apologized!
I just try to remember, I don't know these people or their story. That guy on the bike? Maybe he just found out his wife of 20 years is cheating and he hates loves. Woman on the subway? She honestly could be mentally ill. So when I come up against it I try to remind myself (annoyed as I do get,) that maybe they just got laid off, are having the worst day ever, have mental health problems, etc., etc.
That cyclist sounds like a real jerk! I think it's always upsetting to be pointed out and made to feel embarrassed in public. I can't think of a good reply either, though. "Get a car!" or "Get a life!" maybe? I can never think of good retorts in the moment. You have nothing to feel bad about, and that guy was totally off-base. It's not like you were groping each other or anything. C'mon!
I tend to laugh at people who act that way. Heck I'll even laugh in their face is they are close enogh. No but seriously I do because it just cracks me up when people don't pay attention. Like the lady who told you off on the subway. I pry would have laughed, and commented, " I didn't know it was disgusting to yawn I'll make a note of that for next time." or something along that line. I accidently went at a stop sign before someone else and the guy was so irritated that he was making gestures from his car. Lol all I did was put on a big grin and wave. Sometimes you have to learn to speak up and laugh things off.
Hahah these people all sound crazy! I rarely say what I'm thinking in public. How strange. I wouldn't let it bother me--they sound like loonie-bin stow aways.
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