Post # 1
My MOH, my best friend, whom i love to death got preganant almost nine months ago.
On thursday she lost her very healthy baby.
She is still in the hospital (5 days later). I do not know all the details yet as she is tired, on alot of T3’s and tylenol. Yesterday she texted me to say she had preeclampsia and the baby didnt make it.
Im at a loss.
I live over 13 hours away from her and want to do everything in the world for her…i was thinking of flying to go visit her over the long weekend but i dont want to be a hassel either.
Do you ladies have any suggestions of what I could do, or maybe shouldnt do. I keep getting stuck…i thought of sending her a card and flowers…but then i thought she might not like the reminder…i dont know.
Post # 3
Oh my gosh. I am so sorry that your friend has to go through this. The loss of a child must be unbearable.
I would send a card. Also, maybe make a donation to the March of Dimes in the couple’s name.
Post # 4
Oh goodness! I’m so sorry!
What a great friend for making the choice to visit.
Do you know how big her web of support is where she is living now?
Its super difficult because you don’t know whether shes at a stage where she wants to be alone but at the same time I don’t think it would hurt to go. You guys are best friends. I’d say get in touch with her about your desire and go from their!
Post # 5
I am so sorry to hear about your friend’s loss. How absolutely terrible. 🙁 Her and her family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Post # 6
Maybe have some food sent to her so she doesn’t have to cook when she gets home? Ask her if she wants you to come, and if she does, make the trip.
My heart goes out to her
Post # 7
I also just found this site http://www.preeclampsia.org/. Might be a help to you
Post # 8
@MrsSl82be: The food idea is great!
Post # 9
@Eva Peron: She has an amazing support network, both his and her family live in the same town. I actually havent talked to her yet, she isnt taking calls and deleted her facebook right away (kudos to that..i thought that was smart). Anyways…i found out bc she got her husband to text me…she has only talked to family at this point.
I left her a voice mail today and thought i would wait until she responded to that and then ask if she wants me to come.
My DH lost a sister a few hours after she was born and I know my MIL only wanted to be alone. Her sister came to the house and cleaned up all the baby stuff before she even got home from the hospitla so she didnt have to see it. I thought mayeb if I was there I could clean up the stuff while her and her husband rested or something..i dont know!
No one should EVER have to go through this and i havent known anyone who has…so I feel at such a loss of what i can do to help her.
She has wanted nothing more in the world to be a mother…nothing!!
Post # 10
OMG! That is so horrible. Even early miscarriages are heartbreaking, but this? 🙁
It’s hard to say. I would use your past experience as your guide. In the past what has she needed from you? Time alone or time with you. It really all depends on her. This is probably the hardest thing she’s had to go through. She may just want you there to hold her hand….literally.
If it was my friend, I would fly out there immediately and tell her I will do whatever she wants needs.
Post # 11
Breaks my heart 🙁
Personally I would probably make a trip out there. Even if it was just to give her a hug, tell her you love her, and then leave. I cannot imagine what she must be going through but it must be horrible. I would think it would mean a lot to have a loving friends support.
Post # 12
By all means acknowledge the death of her baby. It is very hurtful to parents of babies who were miscarried, or stillborn, if people just pretend that nothing happened.
Send her a handwritten note, expressing your sympathy. Maybe send a gift card for take home meals froma restaurant or catering service near where they live. Phone her at home a few days after she is home from the hopsital. If she cries , just be with her on the phone.
Tell her you would like to come out for a visit if that would be helpful to her, but tell her you will undertsand if she and her SO want to be alone. Ask if they have a particular charity to which they would like remembrances donated.
Just stay in touch and be her friend.
Post # 13
@SoontobeMrsA:Thanks 🙂 I know when I’m going through grief, the last thing I can think about is eating. So this way, she wouldn’t have to make anything, and she wouldn’t have to think about eating. I found these sites http://www.sendameal.com/ and http://www.dinewise.com/. Hopefully it helps!
Post # 14
Oh no. Losing the baby at full term is something literally every pregnant woman dreads. I feel so terrible for her.
I would leave her alone to grieve right now. She has to come to grips not only with the loss of her son, but with the loss of the role she was expecting to start fulfilling, which is mother. I think in a few weeks or months she’ll be ready for a visit and to try to have fun and get back to normal, but now she probably just wants to be alone. I would.
Post # 15
How awful for your friend. I agree with PPs. Let her know that you are there for her, and keep checking in with her. As far as her not wanting the reminder, I am sorry to say she’ll think about this pretty much every day for the rest of her life. I think it will actually hurt more if others act like it didn’t happen.
Post # 16
I think its even more gut wrenching when you want it as bad as she did. And to not really know what to do…sucks so much. Maybe you can call her mom, and find out what she thinks is best?