Post # 1
I’ve been collecting addresses for my guest list and I’ve run into a snag and I need to know what to do!?
FI has a cousin living in London, him & his partner have been together for 10 years, they were married (now sure how many years though), and they have currently been seperated for 9 months. His cousin is living with friends at the moment, but they are going to try and work it out “one more time”.
So, the address I was given for the cousin was his school address (weird!?). Anyway, my question is, do I inculde the cousin’s partner on the invite even though they’re currently seperated? Or JUST the cousin?
My concern is that they’re “trying to work it out”, although if I include them both on the invite and things don’t work out, that would be sad, and I don’t want to make for any more hurt.
So, what’s the etiquette on a situation like this?
Post # 3
Maybe send two seperate invitations if you know them both? Man, that is hard. I wouldn’t send one invitation to the both of them.
Or what you could do is put FI’s cousin and guest. And that way it doesn’t commit to the idea his partner is coming but still give them the chance to go.
Post # 4
Could your FI call his cousin and ask what the cousin would prefer? Maybe let him know you are open to inviting them both, but want to make sure the cousin is comfortable? The cousin may want to bring his partner or he may not..and it should be his choice.
If the cousin is adamant he doesn’t want the partner to come, then just send the cousin an invite. If he thinks he will, I’d send an invite to the cousin addressed to cousin and partner, but let the cousin know that if things don’t work out and he changes his mind, he is free to bring a different guest (if you and FI are OK with that).
I’d not send the partner a separate invite, just because if things go bad and the cousin isn’t comfortable with that, you don’t want to have invited the partner independently (just in case). Also, I’d not put cousin and guest, just because if things DO improve with the partner, the partner might have some hurt feelings that he wasn’t invited by name. So I’d stick with Cousin and Partner….but verbally communicating to cousin that he is free to bring parnter (f things work out), come alone, or even bring someone else (if things don’t work out AND if you and FI are ok with that).
Post # 4
@sceeder: Yea, since they live in England, we don’t see them much, so I hardly know his partner at ALL. I know he’s nice, but I think I’ve only met him once. So I don’t think I’d be comfortable sending him his own invite…
Although, I do like the guest option… at least if things are better they can both come and if they aren’t he can come by himself! (I guess if he even comes at all).
Post # 5
@Neva: Oh… I totally see your point about cousin & guest. Hm, I was so hoping for an easy answer, but I think I might have to get FI to email or call him. I wish we were closer to that Cousin, because it would make discussing it much less awkward…
I feel terrible for him.
Post # 6
I’d call and ask their parents. Even though my family is huge, we’re still close enough to where we could ask that kind of question. You could always just send an invite with the cousin’s name and “guest”, but I’m not sure how they would take that either. Good luck!
Post # 7
I agree with ccd0 – do you or your FI feel comfortable asking his parents? That way, you have a clear answer without all of the awkward-ness…