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Well... As someone who is tested negative for Celiac; but is intelorant to gluten, I can understand...
It gives me migraines automatically, migraines that won't go away for hours/days and they make my stomach ache. Not fun at all. If someone told me that I can't be accomodated, I would either bring something to eat, not eat, or not come.
If you know that she has reactions to it and she specified it on her card; if you don't want to ask your caterer for a gluten free option, at least call her to explain so she can decide her course of action.
Huh. Maybe for the gluten/dairy person you could suggest she picks the veg option (if you have one) rather than the beef? It could be that her intolerance has gotten worse, and I can certainly sympathize that if her intolerance made her uncomfortable or sick she wouldn't want to put herself in that situation at your wedding, I'm sure she wants to enjoy the evening.
We have a few guests with allergies and intolerances and I am definitely going to make our caterer aware of this. We're also putting out some lactose pills with the cheese buffet, which is a little bit of a joke since FI is lactose intolerant but LOVES cheese, but it still serves a purpose since it's not so uncommon these days!
While you can't make a different meal for every guest with allergies or intolerances, I think it's polite to accomodate them as best you can. If they have a severe allergy to something, they may not be able to touch anything on their plate if their trigger is on there as well. You'd want the same consideration for yourself. It's easy enough for the caterer to leave an item off a plate.
Honestly, as someone who has a food restriction (celiac) and has trouble eating out, i have never really had a problem at a wedding. I just alert the caterer as soon as i get there and every caterer i've encountered has been great about addressing my needs. So unless you are getting married somewhere where you think special requests will be difficult or impossible to address, i would just leave it in their hands to make sure their needs are met. With 4 choices, it shouldn't be an issue. I would mention it generally to the caterer, though.
I would talk to tyhe caterer and be as accommodating as possible. These are your guests, and you would do the same for a guest in your home. If it is not easily done, then I would call and tell the people that you are sorry, but they can't be accomodated.
For example, I'm having a buffet and one guest is vegan. My caterer is not willing to provide a vegan meal at no additional cost, so she will be eating salad. I feel bad about it, but I tried and she knows that.
This is not all that surprising to me. I had a friend call me when she got the invite and asked if I could find out if any of the dishes were made with wine as she is highly allergic. I called the clubhouse manager and he said any of the dishes can be specially made without wine. Additionally, I assume that they could accomodate most (if not all) special requests.
I don't see this as a problem. Just call your venue or caterer.
Definitely talk with your caterer. Many caterers now offer gluten and dairy free options. If they don't, then tell her that her request cannot be accommodated. Better that she know ahead of time than get there and have nothing to eat. She can either bring something, or eat before hand knowing that she may only be able to eat a few things on the menu.
I think part of the problem here is not what the guests are asking of you, but the way in which it's done. Bold and highlighted seems a little rude to me, and I think you certainly have a right to feel miffed about it. Like has been suggested, you may want to talk to the caterer about it - but I'd probably also casually mention it to said guest that there's no need to be rude about it (or have FI do that, since it's on his side). Good luck!
I do think you should check with your caterer to see if there is an easy way to accomodate her. But I do want to point out that you shouldn't feel bad about being a little taken aback by the way she responded. There was no reason for her to be demanding.. she could have made a polite phone call to make this request or spoken to the caterer herself as @esgbee suggested.
I agree with annoid - the problem is more how the request is being made. If I had food restrictions I would definitely call up the bride and be polite about it. Writing it in bold on the RSVP card is very rude in my opinion!
Yeah, you are probably right, I was a little bit annoyed with the way she addressed it. I'll check with my venue coordinator about what she thinks and how they've handled special requests in the past.
Thanks for all the help bees! :)
The way our cateerer works is guests will be serverd one of the two options provided on the RSVP card, or they get a vegetarian meal. They will not modify each plate to accomidate each guest. Make sense?
Talk to your cateerer and see what they suggest.
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We are starting to get back our RSVP cards for our plated dinner reception, and a couple of our guests have been writing in special "requests" next to their meal choice. Some are polite, ie, "No dairy if possible", but one was written in bold AND highlighted with a pink marker "Beef meal MUST be gluten free and dairy free."
Has anyone come across this, and if so, how have you handled the situation? FI is of the opinion that we shouldn't worry about it, that people will just put what they don't want to eat to the side. We are expecting over 200 guests, and I have 4 entree choices that I have to figure out how to indicate on an escort card.
(FYI the "Gluten free and dairy free" guest is FI's cousin, we know that she is not allergic to gluten or dairy, she is just slightly intolerant. I am definitely sympathetic to food allergies and being in the food industry, know all about the dangers of people who are actually Celiac eating gluten. This is not the case here. :))