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Ugh, this stinks! I would just do what you mentioned and pretend like you haven't heard anything. Wait for the invites to go out and hopefully people will take the hint. "Why didn't I get an invitation?" "Probably because you weren't invited." Seriously though, just say that you're trying to keep your wedding small and that you're honored they'd like to celebrate your marriage, you have budgetary constraints and can't invite everyone. Even if you don't, people can't really argue with money.. Can they?? 
the only thing i see getting out of hand in this situation is that your aunt's bf is booking flights. typically flights are non-refundable. however, people are entitled to travel when and where they want. so if they show up as a hotel guest the same week as your wedding, i still don't think it is your problem. they just can't attend the wedding because there is no space for them as you said. simple as that. but as a courtesy, i *might* consider telling your aunt that you will have this limited seating and she may want to pass it onto her bf who is booking flights for her whole family!
Thanks Ladies. I figure after I send the invites out in 2 weeks I will probably get phone calls from my Aunt because it clearly states we have reserved 2 seats in your honor. That way I am not assuming by jumping the gun and calling her about it. Her BF could be making plans to vacation in CA around the time of my wedding. If my aunt calls and ask I add her BF's family then I will say no can do. With this situation I am prepared it is the other unknowns I am worried about.
Yeah, I'll just cross my fingers for you that your Aunt and her BF think it'd be fun to hang out in Sonoma together and they're making a larger trip where your Aunt will make a side trip to your wedding :)
It never ceases to amaze me how many people "assume" they are invited to your wedding. I would not even go out of my way to contact them so they don't book reservations....who cares? Let them book the flight and hotel and well, who DOES THAT when they don't even have a wedding invite in hand? Hotels usually let you cancel months in advance and airlines will credit you the flight amount. This is YOUR wedding, their stressors and unthoughtfulness is Not your problem....
sorry for the vent, I'm just so sick of people being so rude to the bride and groom!
Gina-I agree which is why I am waiting to see what happens. So far invitations are out and no one has said anything. So lets hope she brings her BF as her guest.
I totally feel you - this also happened to us (one of our guests, a single female, is bringing her best friend when we were only letting guests bring a spouse or fiance. We found out through a random forward email chain about a good flight deal that she forwarded to us, here the best friend had forward to her saying that "oh, too bad we already booked our flights"). This happened before the invitations were sent out.
I think that you need to be upfront about it. Talk to your grandma as tell her that you did not invite those cousin. For your aunt, I would have your mom or dad (whoever is the sibling) to talk to her. Obviously, your cousin who alerted you to this knows that it's not right and that's why she told you. Some people feel like a wedding is a party for them and their friends (free food and drinks, right?) and it's not that. It's to celebrate the marriage of your and your husband, with your friends and family that you want to share it with.
If the invites go out in 2 weeks, and your aunt has already booked these flights for her friends, it can get really sticky, so it might be wise to do something now.
i hate when that happend. YOU INVITE THE PEOPLE, YOU HAD ON YPUR LIST. pretend you didnt know anything about your aunt inviting othjer people. THATS IT. you have enough excuses! just becouse you are the bride, you have the last word. IT YOUR WEDDING
So yesterday we received an RSVP which had 2 seats reserved for the guest and they changed the 2 to 4 and added 2 people. Who does that?! How rude! I am so annoyed.
@Mochacoca: Phone call time! Just explain that there was a misunderstanding and there are only seats for 2! I don't understand why people don't realize that weddings cost and its not their job to invite people for you!
Jeeze Louise, I was worried about some of my friends inviting random guys as dates (we also only want people we're close with) but your situation is WAY worse.. your aunt inviting an entire family? I'm not sure how much your wedding costs per plate but I would not want to be footing the bill for 5 extra people regardless. And people asking why they aren't invited? SO rude!
This is FI's family so he is doing the calling on this one. I just can't believe how rude people are. The nerve of crossing off 2 and putting 4 is beyond me. FI is pissed and he is usually the voice of reason.
I would definitely speak with the aunt right away (well, FI can). if you don't correct the situation now, it could happen again with other relatives inviting near-strangers to your wedding. you really have to be tough and strict when it comes to budget wedding since every extra person is a lot of extra expense that they're not being considerate of. i had a situation where FMIL invited a distant cousin who my FI has never met. i told her that we are not sending this person we don't know an invitation, but if she really really wants him there, she can pay for his meal.
Since your wedding has happened I'm curious to know what happened with this situation?
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So I found out that my Aunt invited her best friend and the best friend's family to my wedding. The kicker is our wedding is a destination wedding and said aunt's BF is already booking flights for her and her family to come to Sonoma from MD for the wedding and I haven't sent out invitations. I have only met this lady twice.
I am planning on inviting my Aunt with a guest and wouldn't mind if the BF came as my Aunt's guest. There is no way I can't handle 5 additional people which is the whole BF's family.
My Aunt hasn't mentioned this to me, I only found out because my cousin called to warn me when she found out aunt's BF is booking flights and looking for hotels. I am not going to send the BF an invitation period. I'll wait till Aunt contacts me once the invites go out to let her know her BF is invited to come as her guest but the rest of her family aren't. I don't think my Aunt meant to be rude by inviting her friend. I am half African and in our culture weddings are big to do. Random people even show up to weddings where they don't even know the bride or groom. So this type of behavior is common.
Another is my grandma inviting cousins I am not close to. We are only inviting people we are close. Even if someone is family if we aren't close to them no invitation.
I have people calling and asking why they didn't get a STD. Mind you I talk about my wedding to no one but FI, BM, planner, and few friends who are invited.
I have no problem telling people they are not invited but what bugs me is how incredibly rude people are to invite people to other people's weddings. Or for people to attend a wedding that they aren't invited to.
I am doing assigned sitting and people are gonna be pissed because if they aren't invited or they didn't RSVP there will be no food or seats for them. People never cease to amaze me.
I am sending my invitations out in 2 weeks I cannot wait for the crazies to come out of the woodwork.
Does anyone have sage advice on how I deal with these situations tactfully once they start coming up? I know I will be annoyed and all tact will go out of the window at some point. uuurrrrgggghhhhh!