People Are Horrible At Etiquette. UGH. RANT.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

frustratedbridetobe:  Im sorry you’re in this situation. If it was me, I would continue planning since SILs wedding is not a for sure thing on that date yet. And if she does end up planning it for that day, I would send your FI to her wedding, and be apart of your cousins wedding. Can you contact SIL and nicely bring up that that date wouldnt work for you and how bummed youd be to miss .either of the weddings? Thats just kind of an odd situation. I would not want to be in your shoes right now. 

Post # 3
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

If I were you, I’d go to your cousins wedding. Best friend trumps SIL in my book!

Post # 4
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

frustratedbridetobe:  I’m guessing your husband only just realised that the dates were the same. Remember, no one else in his family knows your cousin or about her wedding.

You and your husband should tell his sister that you already have a wedding on that date so it would set up an awkward clash. BUT, many factors come into play in setting a wedding date, so his sister may decide to keep her date; and she’s done nothing wrong if she does. 

If a clash does happen, then sorry, but I think you’ve got to go to SIL’s wedding. It is DH’s own sister, after all.

Post # 5
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

frustratedbridetobe:  I don’t think your sil has done anything wrong. Sometimes you just have to accept that some clashes happen. I know if it was my dh and I it would be difficult because my cousin is my best friend and I love his sisters to bits… I know I would be able to phone my sister in laws and go hey I heard you wanting to use this date, I just wanted to let you know my cousin is getting married that day. If you guys are using that date I may need to be absent for part of the reception to go see her or something along those lines.

The big problem here is no one is technically doing anything wrong, I get it is frustrating but that’s how it is… We would probably go between the two weddings if we could, try spend some time with both if sil wouldn’t change her date…

Post # 6
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My fiance and I may be weird, but I think in this instance…I would go to my cousin’s wedding and he would go to the other. It’s not like either of you would be completely alone and not know anyone else there. I dunno, maybe it’s just me.

Post # 9
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

frustratedbridetobe:  My cousin was my maid of honour and I have a really tight-knit family so my in-laws know how important her wedding would be to me, she has always been the closest thing I have had to a sister. So I do feel your pain, right now I doubt your sil’s date is set in stone so I would just make mention of it to her. Go have a cup of coffee and explain the situation. I know my sils would move the date if they could given how important family is to me… Can’t hurt to try, don’t ask her to move the date just inform her that you’re cousin asked you months back you already rsvped. If she can’t move her date would she understand if you went to your cousins and your dh to hers? If that does happen, I’d make some extra effort with her in terms of writing her a letter to read on her wedding day etc etc just so she doesn’t feel like you don’t care

Post # 10
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Personally I’d just let my husband go to SIL’s wedding, send my apologies, and I’d go the cousin’s one. If you give people short notice like that and don’t ask around about dates, you can’t be surprised when some people can’t make it.

Post # 11
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

frustratedbridetobe:  I’m a jerk, and I wouldn’t choose my SIL over my best friend. My best friend is the closest thing to a sister I have. 

Actually, my BF just had a baby, (to whom I am her God Mother), and her 1st Birthday is in August soDH and I planned a trip home to attend that, and his sister (who is not engaged) hinted that her, and her soul mate will probably be tying the knot soon, hopefully this year, if he;s around. I told him straight out, if it came down to that weekend (because she knows we’ll be on that side of the country) I would choose baby’s birthday over her wedding. 

I believe in being there for the people who are there for you, and who you know appreciate it vs expect it. 

Post # 12
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She didnt do anything wrong, besides the date isnt confirmed so you might be worried for nothing. Personally if if its on the same date, go to your cousins wedding and he goes to his sisters.

Post # 13
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

They are not engaged yet, so I assume no reservations have been made and the date is not set in stone. Call your SIL (or if you are not close, get your DH to call her) and tell that your cousin’s wedding is on their tentative wedding date.

Post # 14
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

SIL’s wedding day isn’t official yet so it could always change. I would go to my cousins wedding and have DH go to his sisters alone. Tell SIL you wish you could be there but you had plans to go to this wedding before hers. She didn’t check with you before she picked the date so she can’t be mad at you for already having plans. She’ll get over it.

Post # 15
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

frustratedbridetobe:  I hope you can find a solution that works out for you guys! I hope your SiL gets engaged and changes the date! Inlaws can definitely be fun to deal with…ugh.

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