People are Jerks.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MadameX:  Aww, I’m so sorry 🙁 

My fella and I were getting a lot of this too.  We had been together for about 5.5 years when he proposed, and it was SO FRUSTRATING to hear everyone’s (unasked for!) opinions all of the time.  We’re both sort of contrary, so when we feel like we’re being pushed toward something, we dig in our heels.

I finally ended up having to flat out tell my friends to please shut up about it, since they were making it worse, and we’d get there in OUR OWN TIME.

Hang in there, and tell them you love them, but they need to butt out 😉

Post # 4
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oh hun, it’s ok. Sounds like he’s completely on the right track wtih making sure he does this the best way for you and for him. It’s just not always easy to explain to friends. And I think everyone who is waiting feels irrationaly upset by the pressure.

If it comes up again with your friends, try to just stay in control of the situation, and don’t give them too much info. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by questions when everyone is excited for you and wants answers and you don’t have all the answers because you don’t WANT these answers. Just assure them with “oh I know he’s doing it soon, but I’ve stopped asking for details because I want it to be a surprise! I know he’s been talking with his family!” and leave it at that.

Sounds like your friends are just excited to have another wedding in the future, if your friend’s was so recent. And it sounds like your SO is really excited to propose to you, so just focus on the happy stuff here. 🙂

Post # 5
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow, your friends sound really annoying!  You didn’t do anything wrong though – don’t feel guilty!

Post # 6
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah, it got old when even my mom was making “well there’s no ring on your finger!” comments.

But we treated it like our little secret.  I knew we had the diamond, and then the ring.  It made it a lot easier to say “Well, I don’t know, if we ever get engaged you’ll be the first to know!”  If you can, keep it to yourself or only tell your one best girlfriend what’s going on.  People ask because they care and don’t mean to upset you. 

Post # 7
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MadameX:  I hated the questions when I was waiting, but that’s really forward of your friends to probe like that!  It’s okay to be frustrated, you’ll be able to take solace in the fact that you know it’ll come soon, and just ignore everyone else.  Be happy you know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! 🙂

Post # 8
4140 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Frick I’m sorry. How insensive of them. Maybe hey were meant well but shit. I broke down crying last week over people harassing me about having kids. I feel you. It sounds like your proposal is coming soon though. 🙂

Post # 9
253 posts
Helper bee

@MadameX:  I know exactly how you feel. Many times I am in your shoes. People say things to me that really hurt my feelings. They also look at me in disgust like whats wrong? And, it makes me really upset. 

I am not upset by what people say. It’s just the things people say trigger how I am already feeling. 

You would think your two friends also went through this and would know better than to prod you. Like do you think you or I would ever make someone else feel the way we do now? NEVER. 

You know how women are. I guess you just have to try to ignore all these little comments, but they still hurt. Believe me, I know.

Post # 10
137 posts
Blushing bee

That makes me so mad! Don’t forget when people behave that way it says more about what’s going on for them than you! People who are too interested in other people’s relationships are usually projecting…

There is nothing wrong with him or you, your guys journey is your own, screw em!

Post # 11
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MadameX:  I think you need to find a polite spine and tell your pushy, busy-body friends to butt out and drop it. If either one of them had the sense God gave a goose, they must know that wasn’t a conversation that was comfortable or enjoyable for you. Next time, tell them you’re not worried about it so they shouldn’t either then change the subject. Repeat as necessary.

Post # 12
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@MadameX:  People ask me this all the time and it really upsets me too. I honestly just try to give a simple answer like “it will happen soon” and then change the subject. I’m sorry ):

Post # 13
376 posts
Helper bee

@MadameX:  I’m in the same boat as you, but I know it’s coming soon and we are always talking about it now so all the animosity I was feeling before is going away. When I get people asking me annoying questions or pestering me like that, I just tell them that we went ring shopping together recently and that he must be saving up since he keeps talking about wedding stuff.

Then I let them gush about it, then I tell them to hold their horses Because the fun part will be coming up soon. 🙂

hope that helps!

Post # 14
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MadameX:  I TOTALLY get this. I had about 2 years like this, people constantly badgering me/us to the point I would burst into tears when I got home. Ugh. I won’t ever do this to anyone, knowing how it feels. He took longer to be ready so these comments were salt in wound every. Damn. Time. It was less frustrating when I knew there was a ring in production, but still suuuper annoying.

It’s going to be ok. It sounds like your proposal is coming very soon. I think it’s ok if you politely tell the to back off for now. For sure you’re not alone though. People are jerks the world over, annoying soon to be engaged people and asking overly personal questions. Ugh! I want to jump in and tell them to shut the hell up for you!

Post # 15
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Mr. Browneyes and me are together for 4 years and we have 2 kids together… we get this all. the. time. I got this up to yesterday from my BIL.

I remember that there was a time I was having lunch with some coworkers. My SO brought my lunch and after he left they started up! At that point, I’ve been working with them for a lil over a year and never spoke of my personal life with them. I don’t even have lunch with them regularly! They were asking when we were going to get married so I told them that we were not ready for that as yet. They told me not to let him fool me with that excuse. That comment irritated me but I told them not to worry about that and that we were both fine with where we were. They continued with all sorts of “advice” to get him to propose. I clammed up until they clammed up. Maybe you could try the same next time you are under attack.

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