People are not going to like this…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@nattiejeanne: Are you talking about traditions or etiquette? Because you keep interchanging them and they are not the same thing, at all.

Traditions are meant to be interpreted, broken and recreated. Breaking tradition is generally not offensive to anyone.

Etiquette is based on guest comfort and being a proper host. People will be offended if etiquette is not followed because it’s rude. If you don’t give a damn about etiquette it’s fine to elope and not have a single guest at the wedding. 

Having pizza and beer for your reception dinner is not breaking etiquette at all. Unless you make people pay for their pizza and beer. 

Post # 5
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think some of what you are calling etiquette is really just tradition. I think most people would agree that you don’t have to be traditional with your wedding. I think of etiquette as more about making your guests comfortable, which is going to be a concern regardless of what kind event you are hosting. 

Post # 6
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@carolinabelle:  +1

Etiquette does not require you to serve wine and not wear a cardigan. That is simply a matter of various people’s tastes and preferences.

Post # 10
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@nattiejeanne:  If you mean going with vs. breaking tradition, i’m all for doing whatever you want. Ours will be relatively traditional but only with the things we actually really love and want to do. If I had a dollar for every time i’d advised a friend/relative/fellow bee “It’s your wedding, do what you want!” I’d be rich!

It makes me squirm whenever I read “MIL wants us to do this” or “I feel like we have to *insert tradition*” as long as you and your guests have a great time, and your married to your FI, that’s all that matters!

Post # 11
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@carolinabelle:   ‘If you don’t give a damn about etiquette it’s fine to elope and not have a single guest at the wedding.”

 

How the hell is eloping breaking rules of etiquette?  And how does eloping show that I don’t give a damn about etiquette? 

 

For us, our eloping is breaking tradition not etiquette.  Our other family members have had traditional church weddings followed by receptions and we’re going against those traditions. 


We’re not having a shower, bachelor/bachelorette.  We’re not doing any post-elopement party/reception/etc.  It will just be us and nobody else.  I do not see how this is not giving a damn about etiquette.  Please explain.

 

Post # 12
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Ellicott: What, where did I say that eloping was breaking etiquette? The point I was making was if you don’t want to host your guests properly with proper etiquette then don’t have guests. That’s obviously not the only reason for eloping, but if you are just going to be a rude host it’s what you should do. 

 

Post # 13
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think a wedding should reflect the bride and groom.  That’s all that matters.  If they happen to be traditional then it reflects them.  I know a few girls that if they hadn’t had a traditional and elegant wedding it would have been out of character.  For me it’s the opposite.  Although I want a big ballgown! 😀  I will be having serve-yourself beer, wine and pizza and then snack tables with smores, popcorn, and candy! 

Post # 14
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@nattiejeanne:  I’m not sure where you got the impression on these boards that people think others should have super fancy and luxurious weddings that they cannot afford. Nearly everyone who comments that I have seen says a couple should have the wedding that they can afford.

However. As soon as you invite other people to share in your day it is not longer about just the bride and groom. Hosting well (and you are hosting the guests at your reception) means looking after your guests and taking their comfort and needs into account. Very few people give two hoots if you wear a cardigan or flat shoes or have fake flowers for a bouquet instead of real. What matters to guests is that they are fed and watered in comfortable surrounds. It doesn’t have to be Michelin star food or drink but there should be enough of it to go around. If cash bars are the norm where you are from then go for it. But for some (most?) of us on here it would be a massive deal to not provide drinks/alcohol for our guests and would not be accepted well. If this means that a couple has to go for a cheaper venue rather than the fancy one with expensive drink prices that they have fallen in love with and cut some of the costs on flowers, dress etc. in order to host their guests properly then so be it. 

Post # 15
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you need to distinguish tradition, and being polite.

Wearing a white dress, having bridesmaids in matching dresses, formal wedding invitations, fancy meals, dancing, favours are what I would call traditions. They’re usually done but you don’t have to.

But some things should be done at any social occasion, including a wedding, simply because they’re being polite. In that class I would put providing refreshments (of your choosing) for people who you invite to an event, or inviting people in social units. For instance, a common etiquette question is “do I need to invite the guest’s wife/girlfriend who I don’t like?”. The answer is the same as for any other social event: they’re a package deal and if you want the guy to come, you invite his gf. That isn’t wedding etiquette, it’s basic manners.

Etiquette is useful when it guides people to behave politely. It’s less useful when it makes people to silly things they wouldn’t normally, or goes against common sense.

Post # 16
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@carolinabelle:  I think you can treat your wedding reception like a real party instead of a full on dinner party and still treat your guests politely.  I guess my question to you would be at what point would it be too rude to invite people to share in your day?

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