Post # 1
So, yesterday was the first time I’ve seen my fiance in 4 months. I found out during the week I’m here, he still has to work 40 hours even though he asked for time off. It was approved by his boss but not by corporate. He said he’d spend every minute other than that with me. I was pretty upset by the news, but hey. I guess I can deal.
But then, last night we visited his sister and brother in law who are visiting until tomorrow night, and they guilt tripped him into agreeing to hang out with them tonight, too. GRR. He told them he didn’t have a lot of time to spend with me this week anyway, but they said “She’s here longer than we are!” Mmmkay.
They’ve seen him twice in the time we’ve been apart, first of all. Second of all, he’s about to be my HUSBAND. Their time away from him isn’t heartbreaking and excruciating like mine is. He said “oh, babe let’s just spend an hour or two with them then we don’t have to get guilt about it later.” Which I get. And I don’t want to say “NO YOU HAVE TO SPEND TIME ONLY WITH ME!” because, well, I don’t want to be a bitch. But dammit!! I should come first. I know an hour or two isn’t that bad but that adds to the 40 fucking hours I can’t see him this week anyway, plus at SOME point he has to sleep!! And once this week is over it’s 3 more excruciating months.
The comment that I’m here longer than them just reeeeally hurt my feelings. I almost went off on them/cried. Closer to the first. He’s at work right now, and I’m just dreading tonight.. because if they say something else like that I’m going to get really upset. 🙁
Anyone else feel like nobody gets AT ALL what they’re going through with LDR?:(
Post # 3
I understand you’re upset and what your Fiance all to yourself, but he’s going to be in demand if he hasn’t seen anyone in awhile. I hope you guys get to spend some really awesome quality time together though. As for tonight, smile and remind yourself that you’re spending time with Fiance. No one else in the world matters right now. So, don’t get upset if they do say something. Enjoy the time you do have. You’re in control of that. =)
Post # 4
I can completely understand this. Their relationship with each other is not being interfered with and they are together, so they don’t undetstand what it’s like for a couple who has very little in-person private time together to have another couple interfere with that time. It can take a lot of time to properly “catch up” and feel re-bonded in person when you’ve been apart, so yes, this is a huge interference. I’ve been there because my relationship was long distance for 1.5 years of our 2.5 years together. So, yeah, I understand your pain, that’s all I can really say.
Post # 5
I do 🙁 Im sorry your going through this but think positive- your FINALLY seeing him after so long- 2) your soon to be his wife so no mor parting.. Instead of hating on the time u cnt spend together and how your SIL isnt really understanding, think about how you have atleast ONE minute to spend with him which is better then none.. trust me. me and my Fiance have been in a LDR for 2 years.. and Ive seen him 6 months ago and another 5-6 left.. ITs devasting and no one will ever understand what your going through but people who are in your shoes, unfortunetly. So who cares, be that awesome supportive Fiance of his, put a smile on his face by spending time with his fam- and then maake the best out of what you have left together.. make it valuable and precious (: Youll be more thankful for the moments you DO spend together then grudging about the time lost (:
Post # 6
Ahh thanks guys <3 this helped. I know I need to stay positive, but it’s so tough because in the four months we’ve been apart, it’s felt like everything has gone wrong: moving back in with my parents, having to (expensively) fix my POS car every single month, my laptop breaking, barely even talking to J, losing a bunch of friends, no money etc etc. And it’s brought back a lot of insecurities and issues I haven’t had in two years because being with him made them manageable. And when I’m with him I’m not such a perfectionist and not so hard on myself.
I’ve just struggled so much with depression and with everything going wrong, it’s hard to stay positive about anything. It feels almost like I should just be prepared for the next thing to screw up.. Life is crushing my optimism and I don’t want to be this way.
I’ve gone to counselling too, and it hasn’t really been helpful.
I feel I’m threadjacking my own thread, lol. I just don’t know how all you other girls deal with this 🙁
Post # 7
@Mrs. Puffin: *HUG!* 1), from an LDR to another, anytime your feeling low/sad/angry about any of this, you can always Inbox me. (: Ill be more then happy to talk to you about it and you can vent all you want. We all need soemone to talk to and Im here (:
second, how do we do it? WE DO IT Hahaha. If life was in our hands, we would have done things differently, would it have been better? who knows honestly. We just have to believe that God really does hav things plannd out for us for our best interst. I guess sometimes when im feeling down, I think how this LDR is helping me in being strong, and independent. Atleast I wont alwways feel that ‘ I NEED” my Fiance or omg ima die. Nope, its helping me become my own person.. then I crash and cry and throw fits and guess what? have the biggest melt down. I just had a huge paranoia phase where i thought that my Fiance would forget about me, hate this LDR and just pull the plug- that Ill buy my wedidng dress and then bam hell tell me its over. Basically I thought this wedding was so not gonna happen.. and it passed– and i feel reassured now by him that everything will be ok.. hunny its very hard- and not a lot of peopple can do it, but we can (: your almost there!!! And your gonna feel so proud of yourself that you stayed this strong for so long- theres going to be a day where your finally in his arms and you dont have to worry about not seeing him for 3-4 months..
As for insecurities, Got them and hate them! Then I take a look at myself and tell myself im a prize. That my Fiance is so good that he ” won ” me so he better not lose me lol. I actually told him once that hes very lucky and he better not do anything to screw this up cuz he wouldnt wanna lose me. I guess ” fake it until you make it ” doesnt really apply in certain areas in our lives alone.. its in eveything.. anytime an insecure thoughts come to your mind, just do the wax on, wax off move and throw it right out the window and replace it with a happier thought.. whether its something that happened or smoething that youd like to happen, and condition that mind and youll feel a little happier.
sorry for this novel, Im just sharing wht works with me (: <3
Post # 8
Yes, sadly other people rarely give a second thought to how it might affect you. The amount of people in LDR are very low and people in regular relationships really are ignorant and don’t have a clue.
I can’t tell you how many times I ran into people and even friends make things in our relationship like.. not getting a call, only having a 2 day visit, fighting before leaving.. not a big deal. I know my guy would turn his cell phone off and avoid others because he was determined to make the small time we had together, “our” time 🙂
I finally moved in with him 3 months ago and it’s so much nicer!!
I’m sorry his sister is being difficult, I remember when I would chat with my guy on the phone and his brother would want to play games and I got upset I would get the guilt trip from him and his brother. I was the bad guy >.>
Post # 9
@Mrs. Puffin: First … huge hugs!! I completely hear you. I’ve been doing the LDR for close to 4 years now and I used to sometimes still get that desperate/crazy person feeling when I think about sharing what little time we have together with others. It would stress me out and drive my now-FI insane. I’d forget that while he was away, I was getting to spend time with my friends, whereas he was not seeing anyone at all. That being said, I’ve dealt with (and continue to deal with) people who don’t remember that we see each other once a month, for a day. They give him a hard time if we don’t stay out until all hours of the night (I must be a crazy, possessive B*), forgetting that they all mostly live with their SOs and see them daily. At this point, I’m just counting down the days until we move in together.
The LDR thing has truly been good for our relationship. We communicate (I believe) better now than we ever have. We’re both strong and independent, but even stronger when we’re together. I think that’s something that only a person in a LDR can understand. Not to give people a pass (b/c I’ve certainly wanted to strangle people who make ignorant comments or talk badly about me), but they’ll just never know.
I hope my ramblings help even just a little bit! Us LDR ladies have to stick together 🙂