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Like you said, he's a GUY. Your friend/manager doesn't understand the time and effort that goes into wedding invites and having the right amount of people for your type of wedding. That being said, as I'm reading your post I'm thinking- don't invite these people! As you said, it's an INTIMATE affair, not some freaking charity event for like a million guests. Then I get to the end of your post and you plan on getting another job anyway- so why are you stressing, girl?!!?!?! Just ignore those idiots, invite the people YOU want, and enjoy your very soon wedding!!! Good luck :)
Wow. Your Manager was out of line! I think it's so rude when people invites themselves and others!
That's ridiculous and so rude!! I absolutely hate it when people ASK for invitations - ridiculous!
Youre right! I dont know why i worry, i guess i needed to get this all off my chest. Guys are stupid. But so is my bridesmaid who still hasnt got her dress... and she is not a guy so she has no excuses
Cristy-thanks for bringing me back down to reality. morons dont deserve this time, im done with it :>
His Barista-People are crazy who invite themselves, my grandma asked my dad if she could invite his cousins friend (WHO?!!?!) lol. Im the first one in my family having a wedding, wedding (not just an oops i got pregnant and need to go to the courthouse NOW thing) so no one in my family has any etiquette and im all confrused.
LUCKILY i found this site to help me understand everything a little better!
That is nuts!!!
I know you want to just tell them what you really think, but just go about it, like the wedding is super-close and we already have final numbers on everything. Food, tables, chairs, drinks. And that there's no way you can have even one extra person. At least this way you can do it without just having to tell them you don't want them there. If only we could just tell people what we really think all the time....LOL
I have one person I work with that I like...everyone else, well they are the LAST faces I want to see on my wedding day. I'm still trying to figure out how I will get away with that. Because my coworkers are catty women, and if they find out they aren't invited but the one girl is.....ugh. Glad I still have several months to figure mine out!
Im jealous of the extra time you have to ponder this, i work with pretty much ALL women also (Bank... mainly only women who count the money there) and luckily they are nice, but they definately want to talk about my wedding all the time and in the back of my head i wish i could invite them... but i cant see myself inviting people who have never met my fiance or barely know his name. invitation beggers really drive me nutso though
Whoa, that is TOTALLY out of control. It is your wedding and you get to invite whoever you want, there is no "shoulds" about it. And I say that is doubly so if you're having a very small wedding, which does not lend it to inviting someone at your office just because they are your boss (or your boss's boss or whatever). I can't believe how out of line your co-workers were. You certainly have no obligation to invite this person.
There are a couple important things to consider:
1. Your manager was out of line telling you who to invite to your wedding, and he was wrong to tell Mr. Boss that his invitation was in his mailbox. Wrong, wrong, wrong! The crappy thing is now the onus is on you to correct his mistake, but I think you can go about doing that in a respectable, straightforward way.
Approach Mr. Boss and tell him that Mr. Manager shared with you the fact that Mr. Boss was expecting an invitation. Explain to him that you are having an intimate wedding, numbers are tight, and to make things fair, you and your FI agreed to only invite 2,4,6 (whatever) co-workers from each side. Assure him that you would have liked to invite him (whether that's true or not), but because you work more closely with Mr. Manager, you had to make the cut there. It's nothing personal, but you won't be able to include any more people from the office and you hope he understands.
Since he's an adult and he's mature/professional enough to be working in the capacity of Mr. Boss, he should be able to handle this news! He'll probably also respect you for tackling an uncomofortable situation head on.
2. You're planning on looking for another job soon, which makes it all the more important that you handle the situation with care. Mr. Manager and/or Mr. Boss may serve as important references for you in the future, so the way you interact with them now may benefit you (or come back to haunt you) as you look for a new job. In other words, try not to burn any bridges.
I'm sorry it's like that. I don't think you brought any of this on yourself and I'm astounded that people like Mr. Manager do these types of things. Good luck, and congrats on your wedding next month!
Don't let your manager boss you around and get you to invite someone for HIS benefit! That's totally political and has no place at your small, intimate wedding. Maybe if you were some celebrity inviting 1,000 people could you take 'suggestions', but not now. If he put you in an awkward situation, he has to get you out. Or quit and tell him he's not invited anymore.
I'm sorry you are in that situation. I think this is why it is very iffy to invite people that you work with because there will always people others who think that they should be invited just because they work with you too. I would explain to Mr. Boss that you are having a small wedding due to financial constraints and that despite the fact that you would have liked to invite the whole office, you simply cannot afford it.
Are you kidding me? That is beyond unprofessional.
It's your wedding. It's a personal life moment. You are under no obligation to invite your managers! What are they going to do if they don't get their invite?
I'm so sorry this happened to you!
If it makes you feel any better, my MIL did the same thing with her neighbor she was trying to invite to our wedding. She tried to say we put her invite in her mailbox and she gave the lady hers! WTF!?! I'm still trying to figure out what about weddings makes people think they can do whatever they want when it's not even their wedding!
million hit the nail on the head :)
You need to approach him, unfortunately, but you do NOT need to invite him. Just explain that it was a misunderstanding, and that the wedding is being kept very small, and express your apologies for not being able to invite him.
I really appreciate all this feedback & advice!
1. i do NOT want to invite him
2. im very unconfrontational but i know i def need to fix this weird thing
3. WTF?! people who give invitations to other people.
But honestly, this advice was much needed!
If I was in your position I would either:
1. Write a very nice hand written note to Mr. Boss and simply write "Dear Boss, Mr. Studentbride and I's wedding is a very small, intimate ceremony and we invited only our family and a few friends. I wish I could have had more space to invite you and other managers but it just wasn't possible with our venue and budget.
2. Ignore the situation completely unless Mr. Boss asks you directly, which in turn I would say the same thing I wrote above for the note.
I don't think anyone should be speaking for you, Mr.Studentbride or your wedding! I would tell the boss you did invite that because of your budget you couldn't invite Mr. Boss and now he has put you in a very awkward position since you will not be inviting Mr. Boss or anyother managers.
In these economic times I would think everyone would understand the budget excuse.
I know exactly how you feel! I work with a lot of people and I did invite 2 managers because I felt like I had to but I knew they wouldnt come. Other than that I invited a total of 6 people from work out of about 50 people. My boss above my boss was very insulted that I (and my friend for her wedding) did not invite her. Her reasoning? "Im her boss!" Technically yes, but she is my boss's boss and I dont like her. Why do I want to invite someone to my wedding that I dont like? You would think she would get the hint as to why she was not invited but no, she brought it up to my boss on several occasions. She even asked my boss why another boss was invited and not her. My boss told her because I work with him directly and had to invite him. Her response is "I see her every Tuesday". Yes, once a week at best (if she shows up to meetings).
Long story short, dont feel like you need to invite him. I think Soon2beeMrsM had a great idea that you should explain the situation to your boss that you are having a small and intimate wedding and could only invite a certain number of people and you invited those that you were closest with. It was not your co-workers position at all to assume otherwise.
Or.....you could tell Mr Manager, no, he would have had an invite if he was invited by now, the information you gave him was incorrect and YOU can correct your mistake :D
Though I know deep down what the other bees are saying is better....but HOW RUDE!!!!
That's a really frustrating situation. I only invited two people from my work to the wedding, and before I sent them their invitaiton, I asked if they could keep it quiet that they were invited because others weren't. That seemed to keep everything calm at the office!
(Although I moved after the wedding and swtiched jobs, so I wasn't too worried about the backlash from not inviting people)
my response:
to your immediate boss: "i am sorry Mr. Boss, but we have a limited amount of invites due to space and to budget. We are already maxed out on who we can invite, and inviting additional people is simply not possible."
or you could just have ignored him anyway - or do what i would have done if it was me "well lets put it this way Mr. boss, each person i invite costs $X. i dont make enough money to invite the entire world to my wedding. so unless i get a raise, or win the lottery, the guest list is my business."
but im kinda b*tchy that way LOL
Woooooooooooow. That's beyond words. However, the whole problem to begin with is that he had his invitation out in the open on his desk. If that hadn't been there, the whole conversation wouldn't have taken place! Discretion is apparently not in his vocabulary.
EEEK! What a pain in the beeeehind. The guest list is totally your business, and I definitely would not let someone just "come" to my wedding because they wanted to. That's some bull. :|
I don't even want to think about it when it comes to my wedding. Everyone and their dog's sister knows about my engagement thanks to facebook and my blabby family & friends. I'm getting "please invite me-s" in my inbox and "i better be in your wedding" from people I barely know, much less "like." (And "IN" my wedding? YEAH RIGHT.) We haven't even set a DATE.
*Sigh* I'm sorry for your situation, but I'd definitely definitely definitely tell him you're very sorry but the guest list is finalized.....let him know, if there are any favors left over or empty bottles of wine he'd like as a souvenir, you'd be happy to let him have one! ;)
So sorry you're going through this, but I would talk to those who really are invited and tell them to please not discuss the wedding or any plans on attending the wedding in front of others. I would also clear things up with the boss and say it is a very intimate gathering. People should understand, and if he doesn't that's just another reason to look for another job maybe a bit earlier than you had mentioned.
I wouldn't worry about it! It's your wedding and who you want to invite is your decision!
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SOOO this is a vent post
I have worked for my company for 3 years and i have made a lot of close relationships. I just got engaged in july and im getting married next month on the 12th... we did not have a long engagement at all. Well, me and my fiance are having a tiny wedding, we had wanted to do less than 50 people (due to money and really we just wanted family and friends, not everyone we had EVER met)... well i only made 50 invitations and i gave them to everyone that i wanted to invite, EVERYONE. and then i was outta invitations and i have rsvps for about 75-80 people (people bring +1 and a lot of family IS coming in from out of town.) So i was fine with all this, me and my mom have everything all figured out.
Well, Yesterday i went into work and my coworker gave me his rsvp and had his invitation on his desk. Well i got his rsvp and went about my working and all that. A little while later he called me to his office and said, did you invite Mr. Boss, a boss above him... who is techniqually my boss, who i rarely ever see/talk to/never call on the weekend/DEFINATELY not considered a friend, did i invite THAT guy? I said, no, i didnt invite him, i ran out of invitations, and i didnt invite him. And well, guess what he told me after that?
He let me know that Mr. Boss came up to his desk, saw his invitation laying on the desk, and asked him where his (Mr. Boss's) invitation was? Well my coworker told him i put his invitation in his box and it would be there. Can you beleive he did this? frankly, i know he is a man, but REALLY?
Thats not the worst part, he told me to take his invitation, givve it to Mr. Boss and invite ALL the managers at my work.. Hellllloooo there are like 6 managers at my work, and im only friends with 2 (BOth of which got their invite).
Am i wrong for only inviting people that i talk to on a daily basis to my wedding? Am i wrong for being mad that my BEAUTIFUL invitation, that took me 8 hours to make, got RETURNED to me to give to some guy who is weird and i dont even like (aka Mr Boss)? Am i wrong for being upset that random people are popping up in my email/facebook/myspace/text asking for their invitation?? I know i have worked at this place for 3 years, but Mr. Boss has only worked with me for about two years... he doesnt even know anything about me, my fiance... or ANYTHING. I am just so tired of people telling me how to plan my wedding and being rude, and asking for wedding invitations and putting me in a weird place when i have to say... "im having a small wedding and i cant really invite anyone else."
Anyways, i hate my job, im looking for a new one after the new year. and This is just ridiculous. This coworker is my manager so im just really annoyed at his thinking... Sigh.