Post # 1
So, I’ve had several friends who have gotten married and other than receiving the invitation and asking about their registry or maybe honeymoon plans, I never harrassed them with questions about the wedding, perhaps an occassional “how is the wedding coming along? Do you need any help?”…
I feel like everyone asks me “how are the wedding plans”, “are you done?”, “did you find your dress yet?”, “what are the colors?”, etc…
1. I don’t want to give many details because I want everything to be a surprise. I also feel like talking too much about it creates expectations that then we may not be able to fulfill. Furthermore, it may create disappointment.
2. I only want my mom to be involved in the dress decisions, I don’t even want to tell my BMs, why would random people ask. It gets akward to have to lie or I always feel I’m being rude by just saying “it is going well”, “everything is good, thanks for asking” etc… What makes it even more akward is people at work. I don’t know yet how many I will be able to invite.
3. That is the other issue, everyone assumes they are invited because of my family size, etc. However, we are actually trying to be very budget concious, I think they are expecting a very luxurious wedding.
4. My friends do everything over the top and I feel like my wedding may disappoint our circle of friends because compared to others we are spending like half what they spent. For instance, one of the weddings we recently attended had 600 guests, you read that right 600!
I guess my question is how did you handle the awkward questions particularly from those who you weren’t inviting to your wedding!
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
The people at work are probably just curious and looking for things to ‘chat about’. Weddings are way more interesting than the weather or what’s for lunch, etc. They probably don’t expect to be invited just generally interested.
Post # 3
I’ve been on the other side of this. I wanted to show an interest and show I genuinely cared, but it eventually became clear to me that the bride was exhausted on the subject. I didn’t realize that she was being badgered by everyone else as well. Keep that in mind when you feel harassed.
Post # 4
I feel like people are probably just trying to be polite by showing an interest. I don’t think it’s worth getting upset over. If you want to keep everything a surprise you can just smile and say “It’s a secret!” or “Wait and see!” if the person is going to be invited.
As for high expectations, well, as long as you show basic consideration to your guests, what other people think of your wedding isn’t particularly important. Just do your own thing, as long as you like it I am sure other people can deal.
Post # 5
MuseForever: This is terrible, but I get annoyed at the “if you need anything, let me know” people. They’re typically people I’m very “lightly” acquainted with and are not invited to the wedding. Offering me supplies, saying they can help do this that and the other. What am I supposed to say? How do you have someone come help set up your venue or borrow their centerpieces and NOT invite them. “Thanks for the free labor, bye!”
Plus, I’m busy as hell. I don’t need to have ANOTHER person asking me how many pew bows I want them to make. I’d rather just do it myself.
I’m well aware of how awful I sound here!!!!!!!
Post # 6
MuseForever: I think/hope people are asking because they legit want to know, and are not asking to judge your choices. Sadly, we see so many posts about brides-to-be that are ‘hurt’ because NO ONE ever asks them a thing. So, consider this a blessing, rather than a curse?!
With that said, follow your plans to keep things a surprise, and be honest when people ask you for more information than you are comfortable giving. Did you pick a dress?! Yes, but only my mom knows what I picked, because I want everyone else to be surprised! Am I getting an invite?! Sadly, we really kept the guest list to a minimum (even if you did not, they will never know because they will not be there!!), and because we have large families, could not invite a lot of friends. What is your theme?! (two word answers are fine!) Classic romance, etc. No need to give every detail. How is wedding planning going?! So far, so good. We are really focusing on the marriage, rather than the planning right now 🙂
Keep in mind, because I was kind of in your same boat…the same people asking you now about planning, even if you do not want to talk about, may be an invaluable sounding board when you are frustrated or annoyed (because we all get there eventually), and you need to vent!
Finally, to ease your fears a bit: Money spent on a wedding does not reflect how nice it will be. I have seen $100K (yes, you read that right) weddings, and 5K, and both were equisate, fun and fabulous!!!
Post # 7
We always hear (and say) nobody cares as much about your wedding as yourself. This can be a disappointment for many brides and grooms, because they feel this is one of the most important day of their life. I think the questions are simply because your family and friends know this, and want to be polite and offer you the opportunity to chat about your wedding plans because it is likely to make you happy. They surely don’t do this to harass you or embarrass you.
Post # 8
MuseForever: I would just come up with basic, stock answers and just keep feeding these same people the same answers. Honestly, I’ve found people are just doing it more out of politeness or even they feel they HAVE to mention the wedding. Every time my uncle sees me, he asks me about it. Does he really care that I’ve chosen our table linens or that we are looking into cake toppers? No, but I think he feels like this is a safe subject we can have five minutes of polite conversation with. Also, as much as it may be annoying to you, you really can’t fault those who are truly excited for you. Just supply a redudant answer.
I will sympathize with people, jokingly or not, asking if they are invited, joking about being invited, or saying, “I better be invited, hahahahaha.” I do not find that funny, but really awkward. At the Starbucks I go to all the time, they recently hired an ex-coworker of mine. We haven’t spoken in several years, but as soon as she saw me and saw I was engaged, she started talking all about the wedding and as I left, she said, “I better get an invite! Haha.” I just smiled awkwardly and left. It makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, but then I remember she probably didn’t really mean it, and if she did, shame on her for not knowing better.
Post # 9
MrsMeowton: I got the “I better get an invite” text and it was so uncomfortable! The worse is that I replied “you will” when that was one of the people I had as a “maybe.” I hate it!