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I'm really sorry about that. It has been my biggest pet peeve since planning for our wedding. We go to a huge church where I sing all of the time. So, people think they "know" me well, when they actually don't, but they assumed in the same way - asking for the date and then literally checking to see if they could go. It's frustrating.
There isn't necessarily an easy way to say it. Let them know that there are guest number restrictions, as is generally the case, and your list is already set. But it would have been fun if you could have invited them...that sort of thing. I didn't see too many adverse reactions to explaining it that way, and it's not usually questioned by the assumers anyway. Hope that helps. Good luck with everything.
Honestly, I wouldn't even mention that you aren't planning on sending her an invitation. I'm not at all conflict-adverse (quite the opposite) but trying to invite yourself to a wedding is just rude, especially when you're not that close to her. If she has the gumption to ask where her invitation is, then you can tell her that you simply didn't have enough spots to include everyone. You don't have any real obligation to her past being civil and decent.
Or maybe you could say well we're still working on the guest list, and just keep repeating that no matter what.
This way she knows it's not written in stone.
We had a friend...rather a person we know who really likes us and always wants to hang out but we find him rather annoying and a little too needy. Anyways, he assumed he was invited to the wedding and was even looking for flights! My husband had to straight up tell him "sorry, we don't have room".
You don't owe her anything if she is just assuming she is invited. Are you putting info up on your facebook page? If so, you may want to cut back a bit so she doesn't think it a free for all! She will get the hint when an invitation doesn't arrive. And if she doesn't, use the space excuse.
Repeat after me: "Thank you for wanting to be part of the festivities, but, as you can imagine, we aren't able to invite everyone we know. Thanks for the well wishes!" or SOME iteration of that. I've already starting practicing ;) ...it's much easier said then done -but the LAST thing you want is someone not sure if they are invited and then wondering if their invitation got lost in the mail, asking others for the event info, and then showing up because she thought she'd be invited!!
I'm kind of going through the exact same thing.
I've learned to just tell people that we're having a small, intimate affair with a planned party that everyone can attend after we return from our honeymoon. Most people find that acceptable. Good luck!
It's too bad that wedding invites aren't like applying to college. You could send an acceptable letter or a rejection letter. That would just set everything straight. Hang in there! And be firm.
I hate when people do this... I'm dealing with this on a weekly basis lately.
Seriously, you should be upfront with her & say you're keeping it to close family & friends. If she doesn't take that at face value then be frank & tell her she's just not invited because you guys haven't really had any sort of a relationship in 10 years.
Facebook is evil & makes people think they actually have 500 friends in real life... blah.
im wondering if people do this to show their excitment for the person without realizing the stress it causes
and yes Recessionista, Facebook is evil and i think all brides should close their account or not post for the entire duration of their wedding planning
i would just tell her its strictly a family only/small number event and leave it at that - she is a old school friend and nothing more so you have no ties with this woman that warrants a invitation
goodluck!
I just went to a wedding this weekend where half were good friends who are going to be invited and half are just acquaintances and everyone was asking me about wedding stuff and I felt SO awkward talking about it. I tried not to but they weren't having it. The guest list thing just sucks.
I haven't really run into this yet (but I'm sure I will).
If you want a chuckle, the opposite actually happened! Our BM asked me about my planning a couple of months ago. FI hadn't asked him to be BM yet. So, as I'm telling BM details, he says something like, "That sounds fun . . . if I'm invited." It was cute! I went home and told FI that BM didn't think he was going to be invited (keep in mind he's friends with both of us). FI ask what made me think that. I replied that BM said, " . . . if I'm invited."
I've had numerous people invite or assume they're coming on the guest list, and it is insanely awkward! I try to lightly smile, and simply say "We're keeping it under 100, and it is just family", when really it's much more than that, but they won't know because they're NOT invited!!
To make this "issue" even better, I had a CO-WORKER who I'm not even good friends with, ASK to be a bridesmaid!! Can you believe that!? She said because she "is an only child, she will never get to be in a wedding!" Well, luckily we both left that employer and I deleted her number from my phone!! People are just so rude!!
I'm sorry to laugh but that's kind of funny! I've never had this problem...durring all 5 years of our engagement! Good luck though!
Oh man, I work in a small office (5 people) and hadn't decided on a guestlist yet when my coworkers basically invited themselves to my wedding. Like, a week into my engagement we were at lunch and they started making travel plans for my wedding! I, horrified, said something like, "well, we haven't even picked a location let alone thought about a guest list, and we are thinking about having a small wedding..." and they went CRAZY. I mean CRAZY! "What?! What do you mean we are not invited to your wedding?! How could you do this to us?!" etc etc. It was sooo awkward. In the end I ended up inviting the whole office and only the ones that I actually wanted there (two of them) actually came.
OMG tell me about it! I got a postcard in the mail yesterday from an old high school friend I see maybe once a year (She lives 4000 miles away). Her whole note was basically "how is wedding planning going?" and at the end it had her address with a note that said "so you know where to send our invitation." Ummmmmm, excuse me? I get to decide the guest list. We're having an adults only reception, so her 2 young boys won't be invited, but we don't even know if we'll invite her and her husband. Give me a break!
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I recenly went to my ten year high school reunion. The actual only reason I went was for my fiance to meet a close girlfriend of mine who lives out of state and will be a bridesmaid and her husband since they had never met. During our wedding talk, another friend who I pretty much haven't spoken to in ten years (but is a facebook friend) started asking me all sorts of questions about my wedding. She has stated multiple times on my facebook page that she can't wait for my wedding and isn't sure if she is going to be able to come.
First of all, I wasn't planning on inviting her and her boyfriend. I've spoken to her perhaps 3 times in the past 10 years and I find it very rude that she has just assumed she is invited. I haven't deterred her by saying anything. Rather, I simply ignore it, but it is very annoying. Should I say anything or just go ahead and not invite her (which is what I was planning to do anyways).