(Closed) People assuming they are invited to my wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m really sorry about that.  It has been my biggest pet peeve since planning for our wedding.  We go to a huge church where I sing all of the time.  So, people think they “know” me well, when they actually don’t, but they assumed in the same way – asking for the date and then literally checking to see if they could go.  It’s frustrating.

There isn’t necessarily an easy way to say it.  Let them know that there are guest number restrictions, as is generally the case, and your list is already set.  But it would have been fun if you could have invited them…that sort of thing.  I didn’t see too many adverse reactions to explaining it that way, and it’s not usually questioned by the assumers anyway.  Hope that helps.  Good luck with everything.

Post # 4
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly, I wouldn’t even mention that you aren’t planning on sending her an invitation. I’m not at all conflict-adverse (quite the opposite) but trying to invite yourself to a wedding is just rude, especially when you’re not that close to her. If she has the gumption to ask where her invitation is, then you can tell her that you simply didn’t have enough spots to include everyone. You don’t have any real obligation to her past being civil and decent.

Post # 5
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Or maybe you could say well we’re still working on the guest list, and just keep repeating that no matter what.

This way she knows it’s not written in stone.

Post # 6
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We had a friend…rather a person we know who really likes us and always wants to hang out but we find him rather annoying and a little too needy. Anyways, he assumed he was invited to the wedding and was even looking for flights! My husband had to straight up tell him “sorry, we don’t have room”.

You don’t owe her anything if she is just assuming she is invited. Are you putting info up on your facebook page? If so, you may want to cut back a bit so she doesn’t think it a free for all! She will get the hint when an invitation doesn’t arrive. And if she doesn’t, use the space excuse.

Post # 7
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Repeat after me:  “Thank you for wanting to be part of the festivities, but, as you can imagine, we aren’t able to invite everyone we know.  Thanks for the well wishes!”  or SOME iteration of that.  I’ve already starting practicing 😉  …it’s much easier said then done -but the LAST thing you want is someone not sure if they are invited and then wondering if their invitation got lost in the mail, asking others for the event info, and then showing up because she thought she’d be invited!! 

Post # 8
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m kind of going through the exact same thing.

I’ve learned to just tell people that we’re having a small, intimate affair with a planned party that everyone can attend after we return from our honeymoon. Most people find that acceptable. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It’s too bad that wedding invites aren’t like applying to college. You could send an acceptable letter or a rejection letter. That would just set everything straight. Hang in there! And be firm.

Post # 10
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I hate when people do this… I’m dealing with this on a weekly basis lately.

Seriously, you should be upfront with her & say you’re keeping it to close family & friends.  If she doesn’t take that at face value then be frank & tell her she’s just not invited because you guys haven’t really had any sort of a relationship in 10 years.

Facebook is evil & makes people think they actually have 500 friends in real life… blah.

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im wondering if people do this to show their excitment for the person without realizing the stress it causes

and yes Recessionista, Facebook is evil and i think all brides should close their account or not post for the entire duration of their wedding planning

i would just tell her its strictly a family only/small number event and leave it at that – she is a old school friend and nothing more so you have no ties with this woman that warrants a invitation

goodluck!

Post # 12
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just went to a wedding this weekend where half were good friends who are going to be invited and half are just acquaintances and everyone was asking me about wedding stuff and I felt SO awkward talking about it. I tried not to but they weren’t having it. The guest list thing just sucks.

Post # 13
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I haven’t really run into this yet (but I’m sure I will).

If you want a chuckle, the opposite actually happened!  Our BM asked me about my planning a couple of months ago.  FI hadn’t asked him to be BM yet.  So, as I’m telling BM details, he says something like, “That sounds fun . . . if I’m invited.”  It was cute!  I went home and told FI that BM didn’t think he was going to be invited (keep in mind he’s friends with both of us).  FI ask what made me think that.  I replied that BM said, ” . . . if I’m invited.”

Post # 14
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve had numerous people invite or assume they’re coming on the guest list, and it is insanely awkward! I try to lightly smile, and simply say “We’re keeping it under 100, and it is just family”, when really it’s much more than that, but they won’t know because they’re NOT invited!!

 

To make this “issue” even better, I had a CO-WORKER who I’m not even good friends with, ASK to be a bridesmaid!! Can you believe that!? She said because she “is an only child, she will never get to be in a wedding!” Well, luckily we both left that employer and I deleted her number from my phone!!  People are just so rude!!

Post # 15
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry to laugh but that’s kind of funny! I’ve never had this problem…durring all 5 years of our engagement! Good luck though!

Post # 16
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Oh man, I work in a small office (5 people) and hadn’t decided on a guestlist yet when my coworkers basically invited themselves to my wedding.  Like, a week into my engagement we were at lunch and they started making travel plans for my wedding!  I, horrified, said something like, “well, we haven’t even picked a location let alone thought about a guest list, and we are thinking about having a small wedding…” and they went CRAZY.  I mean CRAZY!  “What?!  What do you mean we are not invited to your wedding?! How could you do this to us?!” etc etc.  It was sooo awkward.  In the end I ended up inviting the whole office and only the ones that I actually wanted there (two of them) actually came.

The topic ‘People assuming they are invited to my wedding?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors