People assuming they can bring their kids?!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FutureMrsBPJ:  I am the same way. I have lots of cousins with young kids/babies and I would rather them not come to the wedding for the same reasons. I am going to be having the wording on the invitation say ” two seats will be reserved in your honour” or something like that, so that they can’t write in their own numbers.

Post # 4
Hostess
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@FutureMrsBPJ:  Definitely put Adults Only on the invitation. It is becoming pretty common for us to recieve invitations with this phrase these days.

When it comes to their children people make huge assumptions. The wedding we recently went to was adult only and yet there was a line of mothers with their children (infant to toddler) along the back wall, it was in my opinion incredibly rude. They weren’t quiet either so it wasn’t like you could pretend they weren’t there.

In other words don’t be subtle.

Post # 5
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I didn’t want kids at our wedding but FI’s famiy has quite a few of them. He thought it was rude to tell people they couldn’t bring their kids. So, here we are having kids at our wedding…

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I ran into this problem as well with my wedding. I didn’t want children at the ceremony and had planned on providing a babysitter if I needed to like if there were more than three kids under 8 coming but since there wasn’t I just spread my desires for a kid free ceremony by word of mouth. But my wedding was small, 100 people, and mainly family. We did have a snag though the day before and of the wedding in which my aunt and uncle said they weren’t informed that it was no kids when we specifically told them no kids and said they just wouldn’t come. I called my aunt and told her she and the little one (7 years old with outburst and volume control issues) were welcome to come to the wedding but during the ceremony I requested that they stay in the house so she wouldn’t distract or disrupt the ceremony. I was very matter of fact and told her why I didn’t want her daughter in the audience and she understood. You need to either address it in the invitation or have your husband tell her and her husband in person. I would go for the invitation because that way it gets to all of your guest and there’s no room for confusion. I would have done it that way looking back.

Post # 7
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t think it’s rude at all.  I think that’s been a common practice in Mexico for a long time. I’d always see the invitations my parents would get and they’d always say No Children.

Post # 8
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Treejewel19:  If I had a bunch of people bringing their kids after it was explicitly stated that it was adults only – you can bet your ass they’d be lined up against the wall at my venue too,

I wouldn’t even try to run around, arranging extra place settings and seats to acommodate their kids that they brought along, uninvited.

 

Sorry – for that kind of bullsh*t I refuse to be a gracious bride (aka doormat)

 

Post # 9
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FutureMrsBPJ:  I agree with PP about not being subtle… We had planned to only have children of our immediate family and bridal party there (if they wanted to choose to bring them, mostly because they were all pretty young kids and the bridal party was staying on-site). We ended up having a few random people bring their kids, and it was slightly awkward because they were the only kids of that upper-elementary age there and then some other people kind of got that “well why weren’t my kids invited” attitude. It was a minor thing in the long run, but if you know that it’s something that’s going to cause a big problem, then make sure you are totally clear on the invitation!!

Post # 10
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FutureMrsBPJ:  ooooooooooh yes… I thought that was gonna be my smart ticket out as well….

We have specially reserved ____ places in your honor. PLease indicate how many of ____ will attend. _____

I figured people would naturally see it as silly to write in a higher number then whats been stated, I of course filled in the number of seats reserved and the how many of part…. I have more then half of the rsvps with no number filled in just names ….but 3-4 people actually changed it to what they wanted…. so even though it says for ex: “how many of 2 will attend” they wrote 3 and filled in an extra name…. or they simply left it blank and put “and little suzie as well….”

be prepared……………for how ignorant and stupid people are

 

Post # 11
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah, I did ‘2 seats have been reserved for you’ 

and then Number Attending:

 

for them to fill out

My cousins with children did not fill out number attending, and made it clear through the family grapevine that it was very inconvenient to not invite their kids as who are they going to get to babysit them (geez, they had since January to find a babysit! surely it’s not that hard). In the end we just caved in to avoid any extra drama. 

 

Eloping and screwing your family would be so much easier to be honest. 

Post # 12
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@shanbp:  

I am not at all a fan of this wording, because, as you’ve seen, it does nothing to prevent some people from being impolite enough to change the numbers. Beyond that, some brides have discovered the double-edged sword involved with telling guests that a particular number of seats has been reserved in their honor. Sometimes, guests try to fill those seats with OTHER people who were not even invited when someone who is (a spouse, for example) cannot attend.

OP, although few brides today choose to use inner envelopes, I am a strong advocate of their use to help (pardon the pun) address this problem. If a couple with three children receives a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. ________________ on the outer envelope and then sees only Mr. and Mrs. on the inner envelope, the couple may begin to get the message that the children are not invited. If they respond with a larger number of guests than you have invited, you should call them to clarify, politely but firmly, that the invitation was extended only to those named.

Post # 13
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We have the same problem. Also did our RSVPs that way and still have had people try to add kids or +1s. The only main problem right now is FIs cousin seems to think we are joking when we clearly informed her not to bring her rambunctious 3 yr old. She has said that she can’t get a sitter and therefore can’t go. We are worried she may just show up anyway with her kid, because really, what are we going to do if she does? Get pissed off…that’s about it.

However, I will be the bride who stops the ceremony and kindly tells her to take her kid outside if she’s screaming and crying during it. Lol

Post # 14
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

we could not have made it more clear that our wedding was an adult occasion- our reception cards said “adult reception,” our  rsvp cards said “__ seats have been reserved…,” we mentioned it on our website, and our inner envelopes listed exactly who was included. we still had people try to bring their kids!

 

Post # 15
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrsBPJ:  I am not having kids at the wedding either and to avoid any misunderstandings and awkward phone calls, I put the following on my invitations:

 

Adult Cocktail and Reception to follow at

six o’clock in the evening at

and then I put the location etc. 

 

There are people that will not like this and think its tacky or rude but hey, its our wedding, our invitation, we are paying for it, not you. And thats that. LoL

Post # 16
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t think your friend meant to be rude. I assume kids are invited to weddings. I have never been invited to an adults-only wedding, and I know my parents have only ever been invited to one. It’s not exactly a crazy assumption to make if she hadn’t heard otherwise. The reason people have to specify adults-only is precisely because this assumption is so widespread. Many people are perfectly happy to leave their kids at home as long as they know to do so. (Well, and then there are the buttheads, but so far your friend has not shown herself to be one of them.)

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