(Closed) People Assuming You're Christian

posted 6 years ago in Secular
Post # 3
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

+1

I had to deal with this at work the other day. And, apparently, my response of, “I’m not religious,” was taken as, “I’m Christian, but I don’t attend church.” I didn’t feel like explaining any farther. 

Post # 4
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ugh that’s unfortunate… I’m very aware of how lucky I am to rarely have to be around people who may be inclined to do things like that. For TY cards, just say that you appreciated the sentimental gifts. Like you said, you know she meant well. As for the other woman’s card, I would just completely ignore it and thank them for the gift without mentioning the card. 

Post # 5
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

my uncle sent a wedding congratulations card with a WHOLE bunch of Bible verses in it and a prayer. I called him to thank him for the gift … but I was definitely NOT a fan of it.

Post # 6
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ugh,  since our engagement, I make a HUGE point of saying “we’re getting married on a golf course.  Since I’m not christian and FI is not religious it made no sense to get married in a church.  Plus it’s one stop shopping!”

So far I have not had this issue….BUT, FI’s cousin’s got married this past  april and their grandmother kept going on about “there’s no priest” (it was again, a one stop shopping venue)…..they laughed it off (they are both catholic but felt this was the best route to go)….

My FI and I are actually going to get the same officiant they had…lol…so we’ll see what his grandmother has to say…..

Post # 7
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Almost every single Christian I know doesn’t understand when others don’t share their beliefs/used our wedding as a way to push their faith on us. Your grandma is either oblivious to the fact that a huge percentage of younger Americans have no religion, or she is using your wedding presents as a way to make a statement.

Either way, not cool.

Post # 8
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Where are you getting married? If it’s in a church and done by a priest, I understand why she would do this.

Post # 9
Bee
13686 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

That is a very frustrating situation! It seems like you did the only polite thing you really can do in that situation. I mean, obviously, we both know that a shower or  thank you note is not the appropriate time to have a deep religious debate. I think most likely people like that just make the assumption that everyone they know must be a Christian. It’s unfortunate and puts you in an uncomfortable situation, but likely nothing good or productive will come from correcting them on the point.

I guess I’m “lucky” because my extended family somehow seems to know I’m the different one when it comes to that sort of thing, so we really didn’t get any well intentioned but innappropriate religious sentiments or gifts at our wedding. Guess they figured it out when they found out we were being married by someone called “Spike” and having a handfasting ceremony, heh.

You’re right–it would be nice if people didn’t just assume. There’s really just no easy way to get them to stop, though!

Post # 10
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Agreed, so frustrating. You definitely did the right thing with your thank you and response, but still, oh-so-awkward! Depending on the situation, I tend to do the same thing as @vorpalette and definitely make a point of saying either “I’m actually not religious” or “I’m an atheist” – I certainly wouldn’t have done this at the bridal shower obviously, but it does help raise the other’s awareness that not everyone is Christian. It’s also a good demonstration of the idea that individuals do not need religion to be good, moral beings. Sadly the fact is that we are currently in the minority and people are generally wired to believe that others think the same way as they do, so assumptions will never go away — but we can help make things a little better by “coming out” in our own way 🙂

Post # 11
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

It drives me crackers when people make assumptions about religious orientation, or at least when they make their assumptions known. It’s very poor form!

Unless you are fully aware of someone’s religious preferences, keep your comments to yourself.

Post # 12
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

For the older generation, in many areas, everybody WAS christian, so of course they assume that you are some variety, including the “doesn’t go to church” variety. 

Most younger people I know don’t just assume, because they have grown up in a world with radio, tv, the internet, etc. and learned about other cultures in school.

Meh. It doesn’t bother me that much. I already expect all of those cards/sentiments because almost all of my side of the family is VERY devout christian. They are going to be scandalized by the alcohol at our reception!

 

Post # 13
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have had issues with this too. FI and I are having a traditional wedding and are getting married by JOP but we are not religious ppl. I don’t want our vows cited from a scripture, I want something we created that truly reflects us as a couple and the bible verses aren’t it. I have had some very upsetting remarks about this 🙁

Post # 14
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I had a BOSS do this to me.  I was in his office attempting to deal with a co-worker who was difficult to get along with.  He told me he was sure I had a church I attended to that I should pray about it.  WTF?

Post # 15
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Unless you know without a shadow of a doubt that the recipient is religious, “god” should really be kept out of gift giving. My GMIL gave DH and I a crucifix that she picked up somewhere in Europe and we’re both atheist. Considering I would never in a million years display it in my home and the last thing we need is more crap lying around, I sold it at a garage sale. Made $10! lol

Post # 16
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is an interesting post. 

I never thought about people sending religious cards like that to non-believers.  It makes me step back and think about my friends again and if I could have offended them.  At least at the time I was really close with my friends they were all of the same general faith as me so I don’t think they would be offended plus I also think they would take the card as a caring gesture. 

I think the cards have to be done tastefully though saying your marriage won’t work without God is inappropriate.  I don’t think saying “I hope you have a Blessed marriage” or “God Bless you” would be offensive and if someone from a different faith wished me well in their faith I would be happy with it knowing that for them that was a sweet gesture. 

I hope I am making sense with all this.  But Thanks for sharing I think sometimes people need to hear things like this to know that sometimes good intentions can be taken offensively.

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