Post # 1
So far two friends acted kind of surprised I am inviting them to my wedding. They were both like oh I understand if you don’t invite me… The first is a friend who is not extremely close, more of a friend of a friend. However I have known her for a few years now, and when the group gets together or there is any kind of event she is always there. We’ve had some fun times. So I would feel bad leaving her out, as the only one in the whole group of friends, plus I would like to have her there.
The second is a friend who was probably one of the best friends I’ve ever had during college. We were attached at the hip, and traveled cross country together after college. But since then (almost 7 years later – seriously???) we’ve talked less and less and then barely at all. However we were catching up on facebook today and that’s when I mentioned getting her address and she was like, oh I’m out here on this island (she is in the caribbean going to med school), so I understand if you’re people counting and you don’t have to invite me.
So I’m thinking maybe they’re just trying to be considerate, knowing it is hard to keep a guest count down, however I also feel a little awkward. Like, is it strange that I would be inviting them? Does it make THEM feel awkward? What do you make of these responses and has it happened to you??
Post # 3
I think we will have people on our list who fall into the ‘surprised to be invited’ set. My fiancee has a HUGE group of buddies and we socialize as large groups often, so my expectation is that since we have invited everyone in that group despite not being close, some of them will either not come or come out of obligation.
Either way – I feel like if I don’t put the invite out there, it’s on me for being rude. I’m perfectly happy if they don’t come or if they do, oh well.
The casual friend – had she not been invited – may have been offended. In our case, I know that had those people been left off, it would have caused gossip, so it was easier to invite them.
With the friend in school in the Caribbean, I would ask her if coming is a financial burden. My best friend lived on St. Kitts for vet school (same idea) and the cost of flying home with her family would have been upwards of $2k and a 24 hour trip. She may be saying that to disuade you from making her be the one to say “I can’t afford it” by saying you don’t need to include her.
Post # 4
That’s a good point about the finances. I only premised it with, “I’d love for you to come but I understand if your semester has started already and you can’t.” Not sure if that gave her enough of an idea that I wasn’t EXPECTING her to come. I feel the same way as you about inviting more casual friends, come or don’t come:) Ugh I hate worrying about being rude. Don’t get me started on co-workers. I’m a hot mess about what to do there.
Post # 5
we are getting ready to send out our save the dates, and i asked one of my fairly good friends for her address and she acted shocked..shes like ‘oh well i know you guys are having a medium sized wedding so i figured there wasnt room for us!” ummm…okay?
Post # 6
i invited one of my BFFFFFs from college who I have extremely limited conversation with now (I dont have FB, twitter, myspace or anything) so we actually randomly re-connected because I found out that we both work for the same (huge) agency (but shes in a different part of the country.)
I thought about it for a little, and I was like “I would LOVE to have her there, and even if she can’t come, I want her to know that she is an important person to me!”
Thats how i justified to myself that I wanted to invite her…even if you have lost touch with that person, how wonderful would it be to reconnect with them on the most important day of your life!?!?