People changing RSVPS at LAST MINUTE

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Oh yes I can totally relate! I had my uncle that just decided not to show the day if the wedding along with my cousin. I also had a friend that RSVPEd yes then two days before said she couldn’t get the day off work lol I was so annoyed at the time because we paid $86 per plate but you will be so wrapped up in the happiness of the day you won’t care 🙂 but yes, it’s very frustrating and rude

Post # 4
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Your reader/singer can’t come by for a few hours and then go home to work on her school stuff? I would talk to her about how you were looking forward to having her read/sing, and you would love if she could come, even just for a little while. I find it hard to belive a few hours away will change her fate in school.

I’m sorry that this is happening to you!

Post # 5
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ugh, how rude! My wedding hasn’t happened yet but I dread this happening. Sorry you are going through this.

Post # 6
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ack, that really sucks. I am deading this happening to me also. I will not be pleased.. But it’s not like we can issue a disclaimer when sending the invites out like “If you RSVP yes and then later decide you can’t come we will hate you forever, as we will have to pay for you even though you’re not there.”

Post # 7
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh my god… really !!


I also dread this happening to us. We’re not even having a big wedding, 63 people are supposedly coming but with 4 weeks out I am dreading people dropping out at the last minute! I don’t want it to look like we have no friends on the day of = hopefully none of that shit will matter when it comes to our big days!

Post # 8
6692 posts
Bee Keeper

Short of hospitalization, a  serious and unexpected conflict  or emergency, once you’ve RSVPed,  I think it  is extremely  rude to bow out last minute.  I can’t imagine that she couldn’t plan ahead from the beginning of the semester for all this.  It sounds suspiciously to me as if a better offer came up for the Labor Day weekend. I’m guessing that is the cause for many  of the retractions.  

Are you sure you would have to pay, though?  Most final counts I’ve been involved with don’t have to be in quite that early. Close, though.  I’d check with the venue asap to see if there is any flexibility. I was  advised by several caterers that it’s easier to add people last minute  than to subtract, so you might want to ask if that’s a possibility and take off a few more just to be safe. 

Post # 9
1243 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, that really, really sucks.  I fall into the “no one had to come to my wedding” camp, but when someone has agreed to be a participant, bowing in the last week is completely unacceptable. I would, frankly, have a hard time maintaining that friendship.

We’ve had some family who have bowed out.  I’m a little disappointed, but whatever.  I got a FB message from a friend telling me he wouldn’t be making it–he’s heading home to Belgium because his mother is in a coma. Completely understandable.

We were expecting about 110 people.  I am going to cater for 100 because I expect there will be no-shows. We are having a stand up reception instead of a sit down dinner, so I have some flexibility.  Part of the reason we opted for that format was because I see this kind of crap all the time at work, and there was no way I was going to spend the week before my wedding dealing with it.  It is so stressful, and I feel really bad that when people give their word, they can’t keep it, causing couples so much stress and expense.

Post # 10
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That is terrible!  And very rude!

I had a few people pull out around a week to a week and a half before the wedding, but before I had to put in my final numbers.  I did have to reprint a couple seating cards to adjust some of the seating, which was annoying.

Other than that, we did not have any last minute cancellations or no-shows, thank goodness.  We did have a few people leave immediately after dinner (was not a late meal, either), which was annoying.  

Post # 11
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

That type of rudeness encourages certain brides (looks in mirror) to consider it nearly a “mental-health-so-bride-doesn’t-want-to-stab-anybody-the-week-of-her-wedding” measure to have a destination wedding where everybody has to get a plane ticket in advance and have reservations in hotel block that bride can check that cannot be cancelled under 2 weeks before the wedding. So I can check to see who’s actually made reservations- barring actual emergencies, if hotel charges them hundreds, they will come. 

( I’m halfway kidding – we also are doing destination to avoid a wedding crasher problem we wouldve had locally and we checked in advance that most guests were happy about the destination)

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