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What is the best thing to tell them because I am getting annoyed.
We have been dating since high school and college and we are trying to get our finances together first. I know he is planning on proposing soon, but when people keep asking it makes me even more impatient. Some people ask us everytime they see us. Some people act like something is wrong with us and are rude.
How did you handle this? I need advice.
i know the feeling!!! i waited 10 yrs while all my close friends around me were getting engaged and married!!!
everytime we were out with everyone people would always ask!!! extremely annoying and they would constantly say oh don't worry jan he'll do it soon!!!
omg i was soooo annoyed the more they talked about it the more annoyed i got!!! i usually just tried to crack jokes about it like " we're never getting married" or financially we're not ready yet don't worry we will soon!!!!
just hang in there try to put a smile on your face and don't let it get to you!!!
and my clients were so shocked and thought that there was something wrong and that there had to be a reason why he hadn't proposed yet!!! but they just don't understand the situation and what kind of relationship we have....
super annoying i wish i can give some better advice cause i was there too!!! but just hang in there girl and try not to let them get to you!!! you know where your relationship is goin and that's all that matters!!!!
can't wait to hear when he does propose!!!
Thanks, we have been dating for almost 6.5 years. I have even had a friend tell me that since we have been dating for so long that she won't be too excited when he finally proposes because we have been dating for so long. It kinda hurt my feelings because I would think the opposite, but she was pregnant at the time and had just broke up with her BF so I think she was bitter.
@TRUGEM I can totally relate to this, my FI and I dated a whopping 8 years! So we got this question all the time. We liked to poke fun at the fact that we dated so long by saying tongue in cheek things like why ruin the fun? It freaked out my mom but it got a good laugh.
It's tough when you are the only couple not married.. as was our case. Just think of it this way. When you do get engaged/married.. it won't be during that time when everyone else is so it will be special. That's what I told myself.
Well we are kinda the first couple in our circle of friends from high school, but this year alone we have been invited/attendants to 6 weddings. So that doesn't help. I feel like my "friends" see me as a way not to feel bad about their relationships. I think that some of them say, "she hasn't gotten engaged and they have been dating forever, so I shouldn't feel bad".
Thanks for the advice ladies!
My boyfriend says to stop worrying about what people say, and since he gave me a proposal deadline so I don't have to wait much longer.
Hey that's a great sign 
We want to see your ring when you get it!
I wouldn't worry about what other people say. I think my response is, we decided to get married when we were together at the 2 year mark and and he's been saving for my bling ever since. Or "way to make yourself feel big, how many boyfriends have you had in the last six years again?"
that was worded really strangely so i had to edit it lol!!
I know how you feel!!! everyone was always asking... and it doesn't help for sure!!!
I would always say... " How am I supposed to know, I am not proposing".... or
"Ask _______(BF)"
Usually I look at BF and go "uhhh?". Then they get on me. I don't know. I like to tell them "well I'll be sure to let you know when I do." Or "when it happens, you'll be among the first to know, kay?"
At least if they ask when we're having kids, we both go "NO TIME SOON!!!" >.>
My bf and I are at the 3 year mark and aren't super anxious but a lot of our friends are getting married and having babies. So i came up with two responses to the "When are you getting married?" that I dont' think I'd have the guts to say outloud:
1) "We want to wait until we're really ready and dont' want to rush into getting married just because we're in our late 20's. Not that I think YOU did that."
2) "We're pretty happy with status quo right now. Maybe we'll have a shot gun wedding if I accidentally get pregnant though...."
::::insert evil laugh:::
I have to admit, I feel slightly uncomfortable around our friends who have been dating longer than us and still aren't engaged. That sounds horrible, I know, but the reason I feel this way is because the girl really really really wants to get engaged and they fight all the time about it. She also will kind of ask me about my wedding plans and I start to answer until she cuts me off and talks about what she would do for 'her' wedding.
This obviously isn't you, but maybe people are just uncomfortable with your situation? When everyone else around you are 'conforming' and having the same conversations about venues and cake tastings, etc. it's just harder for them to relate to your situation. And I'm sure they don't think they're being annoying or doing anything wrong by asking which sucks.
But even though FH and I only dated for 1.5 years before he put a ring on my finger, I still got that question all the time! And I was only 27! My response was usually: "Woah, let us get to know each other first, ok?"
ugh, yep i know how that feels.
FI and i were also dating since high school. i swear after the 9-year mark, thats when anytime i'd see friends/family members they would always ask "when are you getting married already!!!" i would just say "oh when the right time is right" or "ask him, we're not engaged yet" its annoying yes, but try not to let it bug you too much.
...he proposed on our 10 year anniversary. now i get, "why are you waiting soo long for the wedding!!" scheesh!
I think in their excitement to see someone engaged, people don't realize what an awkward question it can be! Just give a big smile and a pre-scripted response (since you know to expect the question). It sounds like pretty soon you'll have a ring to flash along with your smile before anything is said. :)
We were together 7.5 years by the time we got married - sp I feel your pain on this one! When people used to ask me this question (mind you, they never asked DH...just me) I would just tell them to ask my BF...If I knew them well I would say, "probably when the milk's not free anymore..." 
My family does this all the time and so do some of our friends. I just say "when he finally gives me the ring. Go ask him."
I feel your pain.
We have been together for 4.5 years and ALL of our friends are married and have babies. When they ask me/us when it is our turn, I politley say, we are happy where we are right now. We enjoy being together without all the pressures of marriage. We are in no rush.
Even if I dont believe it and deep down inside I'm saying "Why dont you ask him, because I want to know too". LOL
It usually shuts them up pretty fast.
Hope this helps and good luck fending off those nosy bodies.
@MrsK2Be: I can't believe people say that stuff about the cow & the milk out loud.
I live w/ my bf and I keep hearing about how he'll never propose because I'm already moved in and apparently giving the milk for free. What does that even mean anyways?
@trugem I think it's even more exciting when people have dated for a long time. How amazing to truly be able to marry your best friend. Sounds like your "friend" may be a little jealous.
My response to when are you going to get married was always "soon, we're getting married soon" I felt like this closed the discussion so I didn't get irritated that I had no clue. No we have a date set so it's way easier. Just sit tight this will be u soon.
@trugem - it's soooo annoying! i haven't gotten any pressure from my side, but i know he's getting from his, as he is the oldest and BOTH of his younger sisters are married (one with an almost 1yr old and the other has one on the way). His parents never come out an ask but they definitely hint or give us the eye. i'm not too annoyed by it though.
@proBM - i'm sorta in the same boat, although thankfully no one has actaully said anything, I know my mom and several other older family friends are thinking it! it's not a great feeling but i know in my heart it was a good decision and i kinda don't care what people thing ;) i love your responses BTW - hilarious!
Thanks. I am thinking about asking them how much they are contributing to the wedding since they ask so much. lol
I have a great aunt that is always calling my boyfriend my fiance lol. I keep telling her that he hasn't proposed but it is kinda funny.
I guess in a way I should feel good about being asked that question over and over because that may mean that people think that our marriage may last.
I will be glad to post pictures of the ring when I get it. I'm sure that when he finally does propose I will give everyone in the building high fives and body bumps to show my excitement. lol
HIGH FIVES AND BODY BUMPS LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(the visual seriously has me chuckling!!)
this reminds me of a response I've heard to the "when are you having kids question" that would work for this too -- "Not today."
it's a little snarky, but it at least clues them into the fact that their question is pretty rude.
Do you guys think being asked when you're going to get married is just as rude coming from close friends as it is from acquaintances/coworkers/people who don't know you well?
I don't think it makes since for a friend to ask because they should know that they would be one of the first to know. But when a stranger asks it is akward because they probably wouldn't be invited to the wedding since we both have big families.
We were at a christening a few weeks ago and we chatted to the Mum and Dad of the child as we were leaving. The Dad is one of Boy's close friends, but I don't really know the couple. The conversation started with "it'll be your turn next" and went on to "so when are you two going to get married??"
As much as I hate the question, because, as yet, there is no answer, Boy pointed out that the couple were sharing a very happy time in their lives and wanted to see us happy too. It could be taken as a validation of your relationship in a social setting, insomuch as people see you as a serious couple, and not just some fly-by-night pairing.
Yeah, as far as conversation topics go, it sucks, but life's easier if you take it the best way you can.
On the other hand, my Crazy Auntie asks me every time she sees me when she should buy her hat. Next time, I'm going to say "Auntie, you can buy all the hats you want"
@ ruby glitters: great point! I am being as quiet as possible about getting married right now because I don't want to scare my bf off. lol Plus the attention won't be on me too much right now because one of my cousins is pregnant. So all of my family will be focusing on her right now.
Yeah, I hate this question too. I don't know when we're getting married, I usually just tell them I want to be old enough to get smashed at my Bachelorette party and subsequent reception. So that'll buy me almost two years. :)
And they usually agree that being able to legally drink is important.
GAH I remember my own mom used to ask me if we were engaged. I was like, um, has he shown up asking to marry me yet? NO! lol.
Crossing my fingers that it isn't too much longer for you! (And crebre too)
lol is it pathetic that i am showing up in every thread with people wishing me an engagement? lol... i am starting to believe in the power of the bee! lol.. well and the chicken.. hmm didn't waiting princess and corgitales both make the chicken?
I get asked that question 50 times everyday. We got asked it on the way back from a hockey game on the freaking train by STRANGERS, for crying out loud.
It never ends...not until you say "I DO!"
:)
If you're lucky, they'll flip flop and decide that marriage is stupid and kids are evil.
I'm waiting for the next time, when I'm certain we'll be asked when the wedding is, and where are the kids... >.<
yeah we got asked that a lot too. and my aunts are wedding planners so it was EVERY SINGLE TIME i saw them.
I just started saying, "i'm not worried about it" and people slowly cooled down a little.
its funny too cause as soon as you set a date then all you hear is how bad marriage is!
the cycle never ends!
We don't even get asked that question any more, people are starting to think that we are already engaged so they are asking if we set a date yet. lol
I can relate to this too. I simply told them that we have talked about it but really have no reason to rush. When they kept going on and on I said "I know you are excited for us, but at this point we aren't even engaged. I'd like to keep some of the excitement for when we actually make it official. Don't worry, you'll be one of the first to know"
Now its all like... "when ar eyou having babies?" My response.. "you've bene bugging us to engaged, now we are... give us a minute!"
The last time someone asked me this (and she wasn't a super close friend or anything) I said "we have to wait until I finish my gender transition so it will be legal" and walked away while her jaw was still on the floor.
@phedre- lol that is so funny! you've got "balls" lol
One time, I had 3 different people ask me this in ONE day!!! It was crazy! The last person that asked me I was like....You are the third person to ask me this...is there something I dont know??? lol. She just apologized and said "I guess its just that time of the year"
I'm not usually upset by people asking, but it puts me in a weird position if they ask me when my BF is there.
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