Post # 1
I set up a Google doc to get addresses and such from people we’re inviting so it’s easier to send out stuff. One of the bee’s did it, but I can’t remember which one. Anyway, I have a comments section, and TWO people have put something along remember this person… One said “don’t forget my sister..” (they’re both elderly church ladies) and another said “my mom & grandma live at this residence too”. I know about both. The first one, ok, one person that we see regularly, ok. The second, that would mean inviting 3 more people, none of which we’ve seen or talked to in years (well, we saw them for a couple hours recently when their grandpa died). We just planned on inviting my friend that’s my age and her boyfriend.
It just gets frustrating having people assume others are invited! We don’t even have enough to pay for who we are inviting!!
Post # 3
My fiance’s father called us the other day and says “don’t forget to invite my friends in California”…I am like why would we invite your dads friends you maybe met once – then he is like “just send them a save the date, they won’t come”…so we are supposed to send them a save the date and no invitation!?
I’m just conveniently forgetting that conversation!
Post # 4
I know exactly how you feel!! My MOH’s roommate has been a friend of both mine and my brother forever. When it came time to make the guestlist, I mentioned him to my mom. We decided that since it’s a destination wedding, not to invite him (and she didn’t want it to be a “drunk fest for my brother and his friends”). Well, my MOH went ahead and made travel plans with him to come to the wedding. Then, when I went home at Christmas, I told her I wasn’t planning on inviting his girlfriend (who I have never ever met. Heck, I haven’t seen him in years). And, she was like “well, it’s his girlfriend, you HAVE to invite her!!” I finally set her straight and said I never planned on inviting him, but since she already did, I had no choice. And, since she invited him, he was going to have to come as her date! Ok, the last part is kind of mean, but she is single and it’s better to have a friend come than no one at all, right?
Post # 5
I dealt with this a lot when I first got engaged… luckily our wedding was a year and a half away so it has died down a lot.
I’ve found the best way to avoid this is to just not talk about the wedding with ANYONE outside of people who are invited! And recently, if people ask me point blank “Am I invited?” I’ll give them the honest answer. If you have to ask, you probably aren’t invited 🙂
Post # 6
I know! What is up with people? I have people trying to invite themselves to my wedding.
One of my dads cousins called my parents house and my mother answered. The cousin goes “yeah I was just thinking about my family and wanted to see how yall are doing blah blah blah ” then she says “isnt your daughter getting married in May?”. That was really the whole point of her calling (she NEVER calls).
Her mom (my great aunt) got a save the date so I’m sure thats how she found out about it but I didnt send her one so shouldn’t she get a clue???
My wedding is not going to become the family reunion, sorry!
Post # 7
Invite whoever you want to invite.
The thing is with this invitation crap (I’m sorry for saying crap, but I am past the RSVP stage now and I think: “I wasted a lot of time/energy/4-letter words/tears on people giving me crap over invitations and rsvps!”)
uh where was I before I got off on a rant?
Oh the invitation stuff.
So as I was saying. You’re going to encounter a ton of clods while doing your invitations and trying to get the RSVPs back. And you know what surprised me? It was never from people I’d expect to be so rude or demanding or just damned stupid. It was amazing and it was a weird and unwelcome window into some people’s personalities and attitudes.
But yeah. Do up your guest list. Invite who you want there. Draw guest list lines where you want to. Define things as you want to. I know it sounds simplistic and almost too easy, but it’s the truth.
Do not let anyone push you around. But if they do, come vent here. 🙂
Post # 8
i thought we were done with this since the invites are out. i was wrong! my fi’s great aunt called his mom asking if her son was invited. our guest list is already so huge! it’s always the same response, we’re having a small wedding, it’s a small venue, we just can’t invite anymore people. only our closest friends, aunts and uncles and first cousins. be firm!
Post # 9
Ugh, that is so annoying! I can’t really see how to remedy the situation unless you want to create tension by not inviting your friends family… or the church woman’s sister. It seems nearly impossible to get through the guest inviting process without some kind of issue! My FMIL has done this to me a few times, as has my FFIL. Each time we go visit, they say, “oh, and do you have _____ on the list?”. I want to be like, “You freakin’ know we don’t have them on the list because neither one of us knows who the H there are!”. They feel a need to invite distant relatives they don’t even like, and who wouldn’t know my FI if they saw him on the street. And my FMIL wants to invite everyone’s she’s ever worked with, spoke to, sat down next to…. ok, I’m exaggerating but its so annoying and there’s nothing I can really say. If she speaks, FI listens… and is willing to start an argument which I’m not willing to do.
Post # 10
To echo what others have sort of said, you need to have an outlet to freak out about it. Even if FI is just listening to you rant like a loon (one of my special skills — i put it in my resume under… well, special skills) and reassuring you that these people are jerks and you are awesome and righteous.
As far as telling people no… you can do it yourself, if you can handle it, or assign someone (FI, your mom, FMIL) to be the bad guy in some situations.
Post # 11
UGH!! I would be so annoyed. FMILs allotment of 50 invites was originally bumped to 60 then 2 days later was up to 84. Problem is that I dont really have a choice – his parents are paying for more than 50% of the wedding. I dont care except Im worried that there will be more people than our venue can hold (150 and we are inviting almost 190)
Post # 12
I dread this part, especially at work where I won’t be inviting everyone even though everyone THINKS they’re invited.
Post # 13
Winter — I said the EXACT same thing “my wedding is NOT their family reunion.”
There are some family members we see once or twice a year in the winter. A few weeks ago on one such occurence, FI’s grandfather’s brother said, “My girls want to know your date so they can come.” Um… no? I mean, they’re actually close to our age and very friendly and all, but I’ve only met them once over a year ago.
pmerr — I would probably ignore those comments. Don’t even reply at all. Just do your invites for who you wanted in the first place and pretend they never committed such faux pas!
Post # 14
I’ve been calmly repeating the mantra of “we’re having a very small wedding” to anyone who assumes they’re invited or that they get to bring their entire extended family to my wedding.
Post # 15
I get people being like ‘I better get an invitation!’ and ‘i better be invited!’ EXCUSE ME? Who do people think they are, really!?
Post # 16
Pmerr, that’s crazy passive aggressive on their part. If they think someone else should be invited, the least they can do is ask you about it face to face. Putting notes like that is so…. ugh.
LOL CandyNee! I’ve gone as friends dates before when I wasn’t originally on the list for another friends wedding.
KMSull, I’m with you, trying to decide who to invite from work is a nightmare in my head. I’ve pretty much just stopped talking about it at work, outside my two close friends and the other brides, who are all in the same boat, so there is little expectation.
I think you should just draw lines and stick with them. So you either ignore comments like these or you tell people “i’m sorry, but this is the line we’ve drawn.”
I haven’t gotten to invite stage quite yet, but I’m interested to see what kind of crazy RSVPs we get back. Especially for my first cousins, who all have kids.