Post # 1
So, yesterday, I ordered all the materials I’ll need to start working on my fabric flowers (thanks to Mrs. Locket’s fabulous tutorial!) and was SUPER excited to be getting ready to start my first project of our heavy-DIY wedding. We’re on a very tight budget, and I love crafting, and we want our wedding to have a rustic, country look, so all those pieces fit right together. Yay!
Then, this morning, one my bms (who I’m MoH-ing for in her wedding, about 6 months before mine) facebook-messaged me saying “you’re not REALLY doing fake flowers, are you??? Are you???”
Having heard her talk through a lot of her own wedding planning decisions, I know that she’s super-focused on having a “classy” wedding – lots of vendors, fancy rentals, fancy venue, very cocktail-party-esque, tuxes and all. Her folks are helping her pay for stuff, lives in a city, is marrying into a family that expects a big party. I understand that she has different opinions on what makes a good, pretty wedding — but my fiance and I are different. We’re in a rural area, are paying for most of the wedding from what we can save ourselves, come from families who’d look at us like we were crazy if we tried to pull off a big shindig.
I have a feeling that we’re going to go round and round with this any time I give her answers to any of the planning questions she asks me (which is why I don’t tell people about a lot of it, so I don’t have to hear about how uncool they think my projects are! But when she asks, I’m going to give her an honest answer.). Anybody have any advice on how to respond to people’s thoughtless comments on your projects? I told her that yes, I sure was making them — that I had things I’d rather spend my money on than real flowers and that I was looking forward to making them.
I’m trying to keep up a motto of “our weddings are really different but they’re both going to be awesome” whenever she says stuff like this. I have to hold back pointing out the differences between us because I don’t want her to feel like I’m coming down on her wedding.
What do you do when people rag on your DIY?
Post # 3
I’d just respond to her “I’m not doing silks I’m making my own fabric flowers and I’m SUPER excited about it! Here’s a link to how I hope they will turn out (insert link).” Just ignore the tone I say. Usually if you tell someone you’re happy/excited about something it is a cue for them to back off the judgment. Unless that person is my mother and then I have a whole other set of advice… 😉
Post # 4
I don’t think fabric flowers are tacky, I think they are crafty and cool. I don’t tend to think things are tacky, I find more certain behaviors to be tacky (*cough* like your bm’s comment on fb *cough, cough*). People all have different taste, and it sounds like what you are doing is perfect in your wedding’s atmosphere. Don’t worry about her comment.
I am also doing some DIY stuff for my wedding which has brought on some strange looks from friends and family who ask about it. What I usually say is, “Well, that’s the plan…we’ll see how it looks in the end. I think it will be awesome, but if not, I still have plenty of time to change it up.” For some reason, they seem okay with this. I guess it helps people to know you aren’t simply craft-crazy and you are focusing on creating a cool look for your wedding.
Luck! Share pics of your flowers when you get them done!
Post # 5
@BlueRidgeMere: I’d be a bitch. I’d write her back and say, “You are really doing an over the top cliche wedding industry complex wedding? Are you? ARE YOU!?”
Psha….I would tell her that you plan on doing fabric flowers and you will be so happy the day of that you actually put hard work and love into your wedding and didn’t let some vendor do all the work. ^_^
Post # 6
DIY weddings are super popular right now anyway, so tell her to shove it :). Or, I guess you could be nice and tell her that your theme is ‘rustic elegance’ and the fabric flowers will fit right in. Seriously, buy the girl a Martha Stewart Weddings magazine! DIY projects usually look fantastic! It sounds like she’s just trying to do what she thinks is the correct way to do everything, and that’s kind of outdated and will end up being super expensive. 😛
Post # 7
See, this is why Weddingbee is so awesome — I just read through y’all’s posts and got a laugh and felt better 😀
I bet you all are right about showing her pics (and buying her a Martha Stewart mag :P) — that might help her see what I’m going for!
You ladies rock 🙂
Post # 8
I would just say “yes, I am using hand made flowers in my wedding. :)”
Take the high road and just ignore her rudeness. Your wedding will be awesome!
Post # 9
i wouldn’t bother justifying what you are doing. she has no reason to know. i might have just said “yes i am sure” and leave it that. i wouldn’t waste my time with thoughtless comments except to respond in the simplest manner possible so as to not to come off rude for completely ignoring someone when they talk to you.
with a facebook message like that, if i took enough time to think and therefore resisting the urge to snap back, i would even say you shouldn’t reply at all.
Post # 10
Everything I am doing is getting a comment from someone. Example, I told my FMIL that I was going to wear a birdcage veil. She responds if you do I’m going to laugh at you. So with as much tact as possible, I responded, it’s a good thing I’m going to be so focused on your son that I won’t give a $*#& if you are laughing.
You can’t pay attention to all the negativity. When you are an “offbeat” bride you will have people scratching their heads because it isn’t the norm, but at the end of the day I bet they will remember your wedding because it wasn’t.
Post # 11
I think, just like anything, DIY can be done fabulously, or it can be done tackey. Same goes for ultra-glamourous rentals – it can be badly done or too over-the-top. Perhaps she just hasn’t been exposed to the same great inspiration photos as you, and can’t picture it?
Post # 12
@DeathByDesign: I think you’re right on 🙂
@crayfish: Yep… if she keeps on about it, it’s gonna be time to pull out Mrs. Locket’s pro pics. Dunno how anyone could think those are less than gorgeous!
Oh, you fantastic ladies… still rockin’ 🙂 I think the supportive community at Weddingbee trains me to respond to all things wedding-crazy in the most positive ways possible!
Post # 13
@BlueRidgeMere: i still say she doesn’t deserve to see your inspiration photos. let her be high and mighty and her mouth will be snapped shut on your wedding day when she sees everything. i only like to share wedding details with those who are genuinely interested. not to defend what i am doing.
Post # 14
@dynamic_duo: i only like to share wedding details with those who are genuinely interested. not to defend what i am doing.
Amen! I like that philosophy 🙂
Post # 15
In her defense, I have to say that I’ve seen some really ugly, pointless DIY stuff at weddings. I actually have not ever seen anything cute in real life, except for some of the girls on weddingbee ( who I haven’t seen in real life either lol). So she may have to actually see what you are doing in order to appreciate it. That said, she should have kept her comment to herself.
Post # 16
Before our wedding we sat down to dinner with my husband’s friend who was also getting married. Of course we spent the whole time talking wedding. She was having a huge, lavish wedding with huge beautiful centerpieces and told me all about her fancy wedding. Meanwhile, when she asked me questions about vendors, my answer was usually “we’re doing that ourself.” She didn’t actually tell me that it was “tacky” or not ok to do that, but I could tell she didn’t agree with the type of wedding I wanted to have.
For me, even if I had the money (which I did, I just wanted to save some money for our future), I wouldn’t have had the big fancy affair that she did. And in the end, it’s my wedding, so I’m the one who has to like it, not her.