(Closed) People staying at our house before the wedding…

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
45399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He’ll get over it. I’m not shy at all and I still wouldn’t want anyone staying at our place before or during the wedding. No matter what they say, I (you) still feel the need to act like a hostess. You will be busy enough in the last week or so without having company, even if the company is family.

Post # 4
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m in a LDR with my FI, got my own flat…it’s only 1 bedroomed.  FI has often talked about getting his parents to come up and visit – they’ve never been to my city before – and assumed that they would be staying here!

As I pointed out to him, I’ve got one bed.  I’m 44, I don’t sleep on the floor anymore, and certainly not in my own flat.  There are plenty of cheap and good hotels less than a mile away.  

I’m like you, I really don’t like others staying in my personal space.  I’m also a very shy and private person.  

Anyone with half a brain would realise that in the run up to your own wedding, the last thing you need is house guests!

Post # 5
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MistySoda:  Sorry, that is such an uncomfortable situation! But you are doing the right thing and you deserve the space to have a nice wedding without the stress of hosting people at your house. I hope FI stands up for you to his dad. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It might be awkward, but hold your head high because you have done nothing wrong! 

Post # 6
Member
11242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I totally understand. I might be okay with people staying with us when we have a house with a proper guest room and bathroom. I am absolutely not okay with anyone staying in our apartment–I don’t even like anyone visiting. We’re outgrowing this place and have things all over.

I totally agree with @julies1949–he’ll get over it. I think it’s ridiculous that, leading up to your wedding, anyone expects to be staying with you.

Post # 7
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Fiance needs to call dad right away.   You are not wrong.  You will be too busy etc.

 

Post # 8
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MistySoda:  We have the opposite problem, we can’t get his parents to stay with us!!  Now we have to find a hotel from them to stay at.

Post # 10
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MistySoda:  My FI’s family all live in the Midwest, so when a family member of his visits they usually stay with us. Well his dad happened to mention that in October when they come out for our wedding they figured that he(his dad), mom, sister, BIL, 2 nieces and grandma would ALL be staying with us. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Seriously I love my FI’s family, and while our house isn’t tiny, it isn’t big enough to comfortably fit that many people for an entire week. Plus I just think the week before the wedding will be so stressful! I don’t want to feel obligated to entertain people, I just want to do my own thing. Luckily my FI agreed and called and flat out told them that they couldn’t stay with us 😡  At first his sister seemed a little miffed, but she got over it.

Post # 11
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MistySoda:  I totally understand the stresses of having people staying at your house.  At the same time, my fiance’s family is mostly across the country from us (mom’s side, including my FSIL), and I expect that his sister and bro-in-law will stay with us, as well as his mom, if she is able to come to the wedding.  He also has groomsmen from across the country, and it’s possible that they will want to stay with us as well, because it’s a lot to expect everyone to buy plane tickets and pay for hotels for multiple nights.  It will most definitely be less than ideal as far as situations go, but I think it will be necessary.  Thankfully we have some extra room and 2 bathrooms!

Post # 12
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I totally agree with you on this one and I just wanted to say that you should not feel bad!  The week leading up to your wedding is going to be stressful enough, having to host and clean and be “on” all week when you are going to need some relaxing time is not a good way to enjoy the week of your wedding.  Hopefully he will  get over being upset, I think you have a very valid point and I would stick with what you have told him, it just wont work.

Post # 13
Member
3736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MistySoda:  I had to have a conversation about lodging too. It was a little strange at first but after explaining to my folks where we were coming from, they understood. Like you, I don’t want to play hostess despite the fact that I feel compelled to do so. Instead, I want to focus on my impending marriage and not try to keep everyone happy. However, after some thought, I will likely extend an invite to my parents to stay at our home since everyone is travelling some distance to our location and I would like to help people save cash where they can.

So for me it goes like this – I will bend and say they can stay. I will also give myself permission to just do what I have to do without any guilt. They can stay but I will let them know they are fending for themselves.

Post # 14
Member
7888 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you definately have enough on your plate.  i wouldn’t want to worry about all those people staying in my house either.

did you get a wedding room block at a hotel.  if not, maybe you can call around and reserve a few rooms for OOT guests at a better rate.

 

Post # 15
Member
9559 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t feel bad! I’m sure your FFIL just didn’t think things through. I can’t imagine he’s going to be seriously upset by this. I wouldn’t even bring it up again. If you’re really feeling bad, you could maybe send him a nice note saying how much you are looking forward to joining their family?

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