(Closed) People Suck – obv a rant!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I hear ya sister!!! Seriously, when my cat passed away last week I got more support, love and “just checking in” messages from girls here on the Bee than any of my friends including my BMs. I emailed one of my BM who I consider one of my very close friends the day before we put Smee down just to let her know because she spends a lot of time at my house. She emailed back to say how sorry she was, and I didn’t hear from her again. I emailed her again yesterday asking if everything was okay because she had dropped off the radar the last couple months and she said ya, she was just busy, overworked, sick, tired, etc etc for a page, oh and by the way, how was I doing. Not one of my  BMs other than my sister called. Gee thanks guys.

Just like you, I’m typically the “giver” in a friendship, and I find that I constantly get taken for granted/taken advantage of. It’s totally disheartening. On the one hand, I like the fact that I’m looked upon as reliable, loyal, giving, warm hearted, and a good listener by my friends, but I think on the other hand I’m looked upon as the “strong one” who doesn’t need the same in return.

I don’t have much advice, because honestly, I don’t know how to deal with it either and I definitely have days where I’m upset or sad, or even really really happy and don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to other than DH or my mom and sister. Maybe we should be BFF?! LOL! Hey, at least we have the hive right?

((hugs))

Post # 4
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

People do suck. But don’t let them turn you into less of a nice person. You sound like a great friend. Maybe you do need to let people know you’d like a little more support, or maybe you need to find another “giver” to be friends with.

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ktbrady: I think it’s natural to want a give and take/return in any relationship in your life.Plus I totally agree, you would think that the friends you spend so much time with and give so much to would genuinely do so in return. All I have to say is thank god for DH. I’ve actually sat and cried and told him exactly what you’ve been saying while he rubbed my shoulder and sympathized. I can’t say he had a lot of brilliant advice because what do you do? Call out your friends for not giving you enough love?!

Do you get snow in NC? If I can get away from snow I’ll winter with you 😉

Post # 7
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think i know exactly how you feel. I see myself as quite a nice person, i am always friendly, polite and helpful and i love taking care of other people. That is not just a necessarity in my work life, but also a part of my character. I am not a mother hen, but i always want people to feel comfortable and have a good time when they are with me. I´m not quite good in giving advice to someone who has a problem, but i am a very good listener, which is also very important.

Within the past years i realized that i am constantly the only one who puts all effort in friendships or relationships with other people, but never gets something back.

After we got engaged i didn´t even i want to tell everyone, i just wanted to keep that as our little secret, because i knew hardly anyone would be truly excited or interested or even happy for us.

Also, i don´t like talking about wedding stuff anymore, except than with my mother and a good friend of mine, who btw is almost more interested in my wedding than i am :)) She can´t get enough of my plans, thoughts and ideas, and i always feel like we should talk more about her life instead. She´s so sweet 🙂

I don´t want to make this a long story, so in a nutshell: i decided that i don´t need and want unreliable people in my life anymore, they are ignorant and selfish morons, who also lie madly and are always jealous of people who are happy.          ( oh i could write a big book about these stupid people!!)

Ok, it´s a bit different to your sitation, because you are disappointed by your friends, which is worse. I am currently just disappointed by almost everyone i know. But it´s the same feeling, i guess. I kind of built a wall around me and now i have a very limited circle of people who i know i can trust, wo honestly care about me, in good times and bad, and who are really interested about what´s going on my life.

And i am grateful for my amazing, wonderful, loving and caring FI, and of course for the hive 🙂

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@bakerella: Bakerella you are not alone. I don’t know what it is about GTA residents. People are so caught up in their own lives that they do not see anything else going on around them. (I moved here from the States! Tongue out) It’s like 1 in a 1000000 persons you will meet whom you can have lifelong and special friendships with. I think you are 1 of those 1000000!

When I came here, I had made some friends but they dwindled away just the same way. Due to my profession, I hardly knew ANY women around my age group whom I can hang out with or even share the same interests with (even if they were not my age.) Most were 15+ years older and I think they felt awkward wanting to include me in their lives. They were all married and had kids who are in 7th grade or higher and I was a 20 something. This carried on through so many years that at one point I threw up my hands and said ‘forget it!’ I stopped trying to approach people and get friendly.

I kept my business to going to work and coming home and doing work around the house, hanging out with my mom and/or my cousins only. Picking up different hobbies etc.  And I am in no rush to include all those people in my life who couldn’t genuinely care about me to begin with!

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yeah I know what you mean. You will be suprised at who actually cares taht you’re engaged and genuinely wants to hear about the wedding. It’s not always the people you think it should be! And I also have friends who disappeared after I helped them through a bad time, as if they’re embarrased to talk to me now that it’s over. It’s no excuse though, friendship can’t be one sided. If these people reach otu to you with a new problem you’ll have every right to politely decline to help them..

Post # 10
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@ktbrady: You described my life. I am THAT person too – the person who will put a warm latte and a fresh homemade muffin on your desk before you get to work with a little note. I’m the person who plans the parties, plans the surprises, goes out of their way to make people feel awesome.

I do it because I like to, but I’ve honestly never EVER met someone who also is a “giver.” There are plenty of people who have worn me out who I have just stopped calling and sure enough – they were out of my life. I was the only thing keeping the friendship alive and it’s very disappointing.

Some days I chalk it up to people being a little too self-absorbed and NO FUN! but in reality it does bother me. My husband is exactly the same way – he’ll see something in a store that he’ll want to buy for someone he JUST met, but he’s shy so he doesn’t act on his impulses. But boy is he generous. And nobody ever thinks of him either.

I don’t know – I have never figured this out. I mean, this is THE reason why I’m always in a tizzy about my in-laws because I’m the kind of person who will call, send packages, email just to be nice and if I didn’t do any of that – we’d hear nothing from them. But, because I like to try to make people happy – after a few months the wound stops stinging and there I go again.

I think I eventually always let these kinds of relationships die off because I gain nothing. And it does eventually get to me that people don’t seem to have any kind of long-term memory.

Post # 11
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Don’t wait for other’s to get excited about your wedding because perhaps they wont.  You and your FI get excited as that’s the most important thing.  Anything else is a bonus.

The topic ‘People Suck – obv a rant!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors