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@nontraditionalmiami:My Fiance and I deactivated our facebooks to avoid these problems.. its worked great so far :)
facebook is nothing but drama..
Yeah, I completely understand. Personally if I didnt want someone to be friends or anything, I would get tired of messages and friend requests from the same person. I would eventually block that person.
I had a stalker when I was in college. I was at my internship doing marketing for a mall and he worked at one of the stores.
Eventually he was fired and whenever he'd enter the mall, security would alert me so I could stay in my office.
He would call my home phone (parents) and say horrid things about me. He'd get my cell number no matter what I changed it to and call non stop. Since he never caused physical harm to me I could not get a restraining order.
The things he'd say... do.... tell others he'd do... just be there. watching.
It was terrifying. So no. People who have stalkers don't want them.
@bm72112: FB is just an application - its people that create drama. ive never had any issues, nor my husband and it seems the same with our group of friends, i cannot recall one issue or comment that has been rude or upsetting or aggressive
in regards to OP, i can understand how some would think its keeping the enemy close so you can see when they go crazy/cross the line but yeah, if you really want someone out of your life delete and block and have zero contact - ignore their existence and hope they will go away because people have died when real stalkers go crazy and they did everything they could (inc legally) to get them out of their lives
@CindyRelly: +1
Having a stalker is terrifying. Having a person who annoys you and won't take a hint and shut up not the same thing at all.
and i might even go as far as to say that he could even be encouraging her. it's been several years since they split and she's still requesting him and not going away? even the most psycho chicks usually fizzle out (i would think) when you give them NOTHING to work with.
@CindyRelly: i put "stalkers" in quotes becuase i was mostly just referring to annoying people who don't get the picture (like the story i'm talking about with my friend). i'm not talking about true stalkers like what you're talking about. sorry.
i also know a chick who has mental problems and posts about her stalker ex all the time in her facebook statuses. like about how she got a restraining order and bla bla bla. she's one of those really pretty but psycho bimbo types. that's another example of someone liking the attention. why would you post all of that personal shit on facebook unless you want everyone to think you're so important and wanted because you're being stalked by your ex? lame if you ask me.
*also, i'm surprised that you weren't able to get a restraining order against him given the details you just told me.
My FSIL has a stalker, and she definitely likes it.
Basically, her ex-husband's grandfather is loaded. Whether there is/was a sexual relationship between FSIL and her ex's grandpa is up for questioning, but he has given her almost every cent of his money. Last year, he gave her $30 K just to blow on whatever.
She complains and freaks out when he calls her and leaves her voice mails all day, or when he shows up to her home and job, but she STILL calls him for money. When she had her baby, this guy showed up at the hospital demanding entry into her room, so she had to have round the clock security.
If she didn't want the stalker, she'd stop contacting him for money and meeting up with him.
@nontraditionalmiami: Where I live unless they physically harm you and you have proof you cannot get a restraining order. It's scary... many women who are murdered by crazy exes have attempted to get restraining orders and were denied.
yea well don't even get me started on women who habitually date overly jealous and "psycho" type of boyfriends. they do it because they're insecure and they feel needed and wanted to be with men like that. and that's why they end up getting stalked and shit.
I get what you're saying, but I was stalked on FB last summer by someone I hadn't talked to since 10th grade, and it was terrifying. I blocked him and he immediately put up another account and got even scarier (describing sexual acts, telling me he had a gun with my name on it, etc.) I contacted the National Center for Victims of Crime Stalking Resource Center, and with their help I was able to verify that he had been deported (for unrelated reasons) and was not able to (legally) enter the country again. I changed my settings after that so that no one could message me unless they were already my friend.
It totally changed my feelings about my name/email on the internet. For my current position, I have to have my email address publicly available, and I hate it. Luckily he apparently gave up (for now).
Anyway, I know you weren't talking about situations like mine, but the way the post was titled was quite jarring, as someone who was "stalked" and most definitely did not enjoy it.
@nontraditionalmiami: In response to "don't get me started on women who date jealous types and then get stalked"
No one deserves to be stalked. It's a terrifying experience and no one invites that into their lives just because of who they date. By the time you realize someone is a "psycho jealous type" it's a little late, even if you break up immediately. Those kind of people are also extremely manipulative and often also abusive, so I completely understand how people get sucked in to staying with them. The cycle of abuse is a cycle for a reason, because it tends to repeat. Abusers (emotional or physical) have a way of keeping you in the relationship.
I once went on a single sort-of date with a guy who then stalked me online (thank Jesus he didn't have any other personal information of mine) for FOUR YEARS. I blocked him on MSN multiple times, but he would create new accounts posing as other friends and continue. I finally stopped accepting new contacts there. He emailed me for years at random. He found me on a dating site and messaged me there. He emailed my friends through the same dating site convinced they were me and raged at them. Eventually I stopped blocking him on things because I wanted to know if his hysteria ever turned into threats. I just stopped responding. I haven't heard from him in about two or three years now, but still occasionally if I see someone who looks like him I get a stab of fear.
I willingly went out with that guy once. I did not give him permission to make me fearful or to keep contacting me. Those were his choices, not mine.
Blame the STALKER, not the victim.
Attention "whores" and well for this guy "pimps" are really shameful. Its sad when you have to hurt yourself and others just to get a self esteem boner.
If you solely mean facebook, you should say so and not use the word stalkers - it is very insulting to all of the people who have had to go through the terifying ordeal of having someone actually stalk them. EVen if it is just on FB, some people are just bad on FB and don't know how to block, deleting the friend request SHOULD be enough, but people capable of stalking won't accept that, they'll go crazy. And saying a women is asking to be stalked because they date a certain kind of men is like saying a girl in a tight short dress is asking to be assaulted. As a PP said, blame the person who's actually in the wrong here, not the victim.
i've given 2 very detailed and specific example stories of what i'm talking about and some of you are playing the victim role and changing the subject to yourselves. let's just stay on topic here which is about people who thrive on the attention of ex boyfriends/girlfriends they claim are "stalkers" even at the expense of their current S.O.
surely you're smart enough to tell the difference between my point and the point you are creating in your mind by putting words in my mouth. mightywombat was able to see where i'm coming from and she was stalked on a serious note.
removed. nevermind, i can only see where that will lead.
@nontraditionalmiami: If you had just given specific stories and said how those couple people annoy you, that would of been fine. But you didn't - you generalized and made a blanket statement that made a lot of the girls feel defensive. When you have this many responses and only one person sees where you are coming from and everyone else disgarees, that should be a sign that you did not effectively get your point across and that you could have worded it much better. Accept some responsibility for the mistakes in your post, it was extremely poorly worded and of course people got defensive.
And oh yes, now let's pick on girls who are insecure too, that's nice. Saying people are playing the victim role when they have been through something serious is incredibly insulting and really just kind of mean - surely YOU are smart enough to see that.
I had a stalker that I believe was my ex and his g/f... at first I didn't think it was stalking just people trying to break me down but then they started with the mean emails and creating fake fb accounts to get to me when I blocked them... Fake email accounts fake fbs and fake AIM accounts (anything they could do to reach me, including other peoples phones!) which I call stalking. I was very scared when I blocked the original email account and facebook but they were still getting through to me (with friends of mine even. I tried everything and you know what finally worked? I made everything public.... I unblocked the previous accounts... they left me alone ever since. Maybe they just want to be nosey? I have no clue but I have a random run in online with them through events pages or another person trying to stir trouble but everyone ignores it and weve been peaceful *so far*. I would have kept fighting it but I was scared he'd start showing up at my home... Maybe that's what this person is doing- just trying to avoid further issues? Or is it possible they miss them or are trying to make them jealous with certain photos?
@Wonderstruck: you do know that when someone puts quotation marks around something it generally means they don't literally mean that word, correct? i thought everyone knew that.
you seriously can't understand the context of my thread topic? and even after reading my first post you STILL couldn't understand what i was talking about?
and then after i explained exactly what i meant when i replied to cindyrelly, you STILL couldn't understand what i meant?
and then i gave another example of a chick i know who airs every detail on her facebook account about how her ex boyfriend stalks her, you STILL couldn't understand what my point was?
wow lol
@HappilyEverAfter54: no the ex girlfriend of this friend lives in another state and is the type who likes to cause trouble. she has requested him 5 times over the span of a few months. i just don't understand why he doesn't block her was my only point. he is allowing her to still be able to friend request him and the fiance knows about it i'm guessing because he tells her.
i think that's a red flag and he likes the attention. he should have blocked her after the first friend request. problem would have been solved.
I learned about FB privacy from my FI's ex. She would send me msgs from her profile, so I blocked her.
So she made new profiles. and I blocked receiving messages.
So she'd message my friends and tell them nasty things. So I made my profile unsearchable.
That lady was deee-terr-mined. But yes, in FB world- there's almost always a solution, I've even heard you can get an IP address blocked from contacting you for severe problems.
@nontraditionalmiami: I'm not really sure how you can say stalker but not really mean stalker. So no. And not everyone online means that when they put quotation marks around a word online, obviously it's not part of normal grammar and I can't read your tone online, although that's probably a good thing at the moment, I'm sure it's incredibly condescending since you just want to insult others and then act like everyone else is stupid.
I got your point, but you made it badly, talking about stalkers in general instead of just saying the person in your example was bugging you because X. You've explained your point, but still refuse to admit or apologize for the fact that your first post could be seen as upsetting towards girls who have truly been stalked. Your first example doesn't make sense anyways - as long as he is denying this girls' friend requests, who cares? I know a ton of people on FB who don't even know how to block others. She can't send him messages and he isn't adding her, so I really don't see the big deal.
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I don't know about you guys, but if someone I truly do not like is stalking me, I will go above and beyond to make it so that they cannot reach me in any way. For example on facebook...I had this annoying guy always trying to write me and friend request me, so what did I do? I blocked him. Problem solved. I haven't heard from him since.
But I know someone who is going through something with her fiance's ex who has repeatedly friend requested him over the last few months and I just find it odd that he doesn't block her. This ex is a complete wack job too, I won't get into details but just trust me on this. I think out of respect for his fiance' and to show that he truly can't stand her and wants nothing to do with her, he should block her right? Why allow her to continue to be able to at least see that he exists on facebook and see his profile picture and be able to friend request him? The answer is simple to me. It's because he likes the attention. And I think that's shitty for his fiance'. Even though she is totally fine with it and laughs it off and thinks, 'oh well she's pathetic', it would still bug me that my fiance' was allowing the repeated attempts at contacting him.
Does anyone agree?