People who won't RSVP

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Consider them a no. They should have contacted you to respond, not their mother.

Post # 3
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

blushingbride2bee:  What’s your caterer’s policy on increasing the headcount?  Luckily, we were able to track down all of our missing RSVPs (about half were “yes”s but they didn’t know they needed to RSVP.  Seriously? Standard wedding etiquette and the pre-addressed, stamped envelope didn’t tip you off?), so we are hoping we don’t have to change it.  But back to what I was saying about policy, our caterer requests the headcount 7 days before the wedding.  It can be increased up to 3 days before, but not decreased.  Obviously, they would still accomodate any people who show-up the day of that changed their mind or what have you, but basically, their policy gives us another 4 days to track people down if need be.

Also, depending on what you said in your first voicemail, I’d try them one more time and say something to the effect of “unless we hear otherwise from you by ______, we will put you down as ‘No’,” but nicer.  🙂  That’s just me, though.  I don’t like not knowing, haha.

Post # 4
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

blushingbride2bee:  If they won’t respond, leave them one more message. ‘Hi so and so, I haven’t heard from you in regards to whether you’ll be attending our wedding.  Unfortunately, I have to have a firm number to the caterer and as I have not heard from you I will mark you as unable to attend.’

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

blushingbride2bee:  Try phoning them once again. If they do not answer the phone, leave a message ” We have passed the date by which we have to give final numbers to the caterers. As we have not had a response from you we have to consider you a no. We will miss you at the wedding.”

Post # 5
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

blushingbride2bee:  leave them a final voicemail/email and say “since i have not heard from you, i am marking you as a No to celebrate our wedding. if you call me (and speak to me) by 9pm tonight that your are able to attend, i will put you as yes.” 

or something along those lines. 

Post # 7
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

blushingbride2bee:  I would count them as a no. We still have about 10 we are waiting for and ours are due next week. My own Uncle and cousins havent even responded to the emails/calls I’ve sent. I would contact them one more time and say, “If I havent heard from you by tomorrow, I am going to consider you a no”. And if they do show up, sorry, you didnt RSVP so there is no room for you.

It’s so effing rude and one of the most frustrating things I’ve experience in wedding planning. JUST PUT IT IN THE MAIL!!!! Why is this so difficult for people?!

Post # 9
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

blushingbride2bee:  Ah, ok.  Plated dinner, that’s right.  It would change things.  I’d follow the advise of all the PPs, call one more time and either say “If we don’t hear back from you by tonight, we’ll have to consider you a No.” Or, just tell them they’re a No because they didn’t respond to your first message.

Post # 11
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes I agree that letting them know they will be marked down as a no if they do not respond by yet another deadline is all u can do. It is super frustrating and I even had recent brides, who just got done complaining about that very thing, who never sent in their response.

Post # 12
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This sucks.  My wedding is in a month and I had this problem.  A lot of people are just bad about RSVP’ing.  I had to track down several people and get responses from them.  There are about 6 who never even responded at all.  Mostly my dad’s side of the family.  After I send them a 2nd message with no response I considered them a no.  I find the whole thing of not RSVPing rude and annoying!  But it’s common.  I figure that if the can’t even respond to a simple message then it’s their problem! 

Post # 13
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think you’ve given them chances and now you just need to do what PPs have said about leaving them a message that since you didn’t hear from them there will unfortunately not be space for them at the wedding. It’s too bad people can’t just mail back the RSVP card!

Post # 14
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve had this issue – 50y.o aunt & uncle whose own children have gotten married & think that telling the grooms parents they’re “looking forward” to our wedding = rsvp. Then this week (5 days before the wedding, when everything is paid) – same aunt is now not coming & again we only found out because of chinese whispers (her hubby told brother who told another brother the groom’s dad. Don’t tell us or apologise or anything, hey?!). <br /><br />At this point I’m over people who can’t put their big boy pants on & stick to adult decisions<br /><br />My advice – text or email whatever, stating that if you don’t get a response by X, you’re putting them down as a no. And then if they show up, tell them you hope they brought a chair & a sandwich cos there is no room at the inn.

Post # 15
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

blushingbride2bee:  is it safe to assume they have facebook? This is how I contacted all of my cousins. It let’s you know when they read your message! So send them one message like PPs said about needing to know by x date and be done with it!

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