- 3 years ago
I kind of had a rough night with SO last night.
My SO is logical to a fault, pragmatic, pessimistic, and cynical about everything in the world. The only things he’s not cynical about are love, our relationship, and me. He always believes the best in me and our relationship. Our love is the one pristine entity in the world to him that’s unshakeable, rock solid, constant. This is one of the things I love most about him. We’ve been together for a year and he was, apparently, sure about me right away. He knew I was the one a couple months in.
I’m the opposite from him in that I’m optimistic about everything but I’m cynical about love – possibly because of growing up around unhappy marriages/divorces (although SO did too), possibly just because it’s my personality. I was a lot more cautious going in and more prudent/meticulous in evaluating our compatibility.
The main impediment I see to us being happy together long-term is money – we’re both savers but he’s WAY more so than me and I’ve always wondered if I could live the way he does for the rest of my life and actually be happy, because he is much more inflexible about things than I am, although we both try really hard to compromise.
Last night we got into a really upsetting conversation. We disagreed about something that I felt very strongly about, and the topic rolled over onto money. When I said I sometimes wonder if I could live like him with him long-term and be happy, he got upset. He said he wished I decided earlier if that was a deal-breaker, said I should figure it out sooner than later, and I should do what I need to make me happy. And he said he wishes I never told him I’d never break up with him (kind of insinuating I misled him/broke a promise).
I did in fact say so before, but that conversation was about his health. He has a chronic injury that may or may not result in a permanent disability. I told him under no uncertain terms that I’d never break up with him (over his health problems) and I absolutely still mean it.
Later, I decided that the money thing is something I’m willing to work on. It’s not like we’re a saver and a spender, so the riff isn’t that big. He was glad and he wants to work on the money issue with me too because he wants to marry me, but he was still upset. He said that he wished I never told him I’d never break up with him, and that he now views our relationship in a more realistic way. He said he’ll never be stupid enough to believe in absolute guarantees anymore because they don’t exist.
And now I feel like I’ve ruined one of the things I love most about him – his sort of innocence and faith in our relationship. I know he’ll never look at our relationship the same way again and I’m so, so sad. 🙁