Personal Conflict in regards to my former friend's request.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@SmileyKitty:  I would ignore her.  and I would ignore the security check. 

Post # 4
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your issue has nothing to do with her professional life.

If they call, be consise but honest, tell them you haven’t spoken in X number of years, and mention the wedding crap ONLY if you must… but it would be preferable if you didn’t.

The interviewer will most likely conclude the call once you tell them you’ve been out of touch for years.

[ETA] Also, don’t complain about her giving out your personal email if you put it up on Facebook – that’s public information at that point.

 

Post # 5
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@SmileyKitty:  Send a totally truthful reply to the company – an assessment of her (answering whatever questions they ask) but with a disclaimer that you’ve barely been in touch for the last few years, and therefore your comments are unfortunately outdated. 

Sometimes for these things you need to provide references for ten years – maybe she doesn’t have anyone suitable going back that far, so she’s put you down to cover old times and other people to cover new ones? Just a thought. 

Plus I’d google the security company name and email address before you respond…just in case of a scam or anything!

Post # 6
Member
2197 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@SmileyKitty:  I would not do it. And if she asks for a reason, you can say something along the lines of “We haven’t been in touch in 3 years. I don’t feel comfortable with it. I suggest you find someone else. Good luck.” Then unfriend her. You don’t need someone who isn’t your friend on your FB.  

Post # 7
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow pretty balsy and narcisistic isn’t she…

I’d probably ignore the message AND ignore all phone calls from unknown numbers.

OR I’d respond to her that I don’t appreciate her giving out my email address or using me as any type of reference. AND Ignore all calls from unknown numbers. Not sure which. Depends on how sour I feel towards her.

Post # 10
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SmileyKitty:  If they contacted me, I would be honest. “I have had little or no contact with ___ for the last four years . I do not feel comfortable acting as a reference and as __ did not ask my permission to use my name, I decline .”

Post # 11
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@SmileyKitty:  I had to fill out info for a secret clearance and it asked for people I known 10 years (known since I was ELEVEN at the time I filled it out (age 21)) and it asked for like 7 people I’ve known for 10 years.  I MOVED away from where I lived when I was 11 when I was 16, so yeah I wasn’t still TOTAL best friends with these people and if I wasn’t able to get ahold of them, I used their info from facebook because I HAD to provide this info in a very short period of time.

EDIT: My fiance said that this is really important for her obviously and regardless of whether you’re still friends, she still considered you a friend at one point.  If they ask you a question you’re not comfortable answering, say you don’t know her well enough anymore to answer it. But don’t be a jerk about it and totally ignore the security request.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

Nobody can force you to be a reference for them. Just ignore it.

Post # 14
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@CocoLoco523:  

+1 I agree with this. Your friend is a snob who cut you off. Why help her? 

Post # 15
Member
5007 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@SmileyKitty:  I would ignore it. She ignored you until she needed you for something.

I had to do a security clearance for my best friends boyfriend (who I’ve known for 5-6 years) and it was super awkward and uncomfortable! LOL. 

Post # 16
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

FYI, you can switch your email listed in fb to the fb email to keep your personal account private.  As for your friend, sounds like she is only a “friend” when it suits her.  I would either ignore the request or just be honest and tell them you “know” this person but she is more of an acquaintance. 

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