Post # 1
Ok – first off I have been a member of this board for a while – but obviously this is a personal question so I created a new name. 🙂
My FI has been having “issues” with pre-mature ejaculation for about a year and a half…we’ve been together for about 3.5 years. I keep telling him he really needs to see a doctor because every time we have sex and this happens (which is pretty much every time we have sex now…) he is so incredibly embarrassed and upset over it.
we’ve been living together for 3 of the 3.5 years we’ve been together, and emotionally everything is GREAT between us! he is very busy at work and he wonders if it could be “exhaustion” as he does feel that from work…he also wonders if maybe it’s a physical feeling thing and is talking about possibly going back to using condoms (which both he and I hate and probably honestly used a total of about 4 months when we first met…)
But I guess my question is – have any of your FI’s/Husbands dealt with this? What’s the best way TO deal with this? it really sucks because it makes him not want to initiate sex. He WANTS to HAVE sex – just not nearly as often as we used to 🙁 and when we do have it, he always ends up upset because of it…
I REALLY appreciate any feedback!
Post # 3
We have not had this issue, but I think he should see a doctor. It could be a number of things, and I’m guessing that he is right about the exhaustion. I’m also guessing that he stresses himself out so much worrying that it’s going to happen, that it does. Going to see a doctor and ruling out medical issues should help. Besides that, I think it might be worth reiterating how sexy you find him, and maybe “taking control” a little. Just a thought. 🙂
Post # 4
I’m guessing your not in australia…. every 2nd ad on the radio is “does your partner suffer from premature ejaculation?” and then we have MASSIVE billboards that say “WHAT LONGER LASTING SEX?” some nasal delivery thing.
But yeah a doctor would be the best thing to do 🙂
Post # 5
Honestly, my man is like that too. Thank God he will never see this post or this website,otherwise he would kill me! LOL. But the way we seemed to have fixed it somewhat is if we have sex twice in a row. Second time always last a lot longer. Granted, it’s not a medical resolution, but it seems to work so far.
Post # 6
@Wendy…that’s interesting! lol. we could try that. :p
and I do try to initiate – and believe me, I’m CONSTANTLY telling him how gorgeous I think he is…but I know, too, he doesn’t think of it himself and is always telling me how he thinks I tell him too often that I think he’s gorgeous and so he doesn’t believe it’s sincere…when – believe me, it TOTALLY is! now granted, he’s no hugh jackman…but i am totally attracted to him and seriously think he’s “gorgeous”…now, he does have a bit of a beer belly and some other physical attributions that most people may not find attractive – but to me, he’s the most gorgeous man and I just wish he saw what I see.
believe me, i’ve already printed off a list of urologists for him to call and hopefully he’ll call one this week.
Post # 7
Definitely see a doctor. There might be some physical problem that needs addressed, and if that’s not the case, there are some medications that can be prescribed to help delay ejaculation.
Post # 8
How soon does he orgasm after penetration is initiated? Is it a few seconds or a few minutes? One thing to remember, movies and television really portray sex in a unrealistic light (because it’s make believe in Hollywood!). There is this distorted idea that vaginal intercourse is supposed to last for hours. That not necessarily the case and without proper lubrication, ouch! That would really begin to hurt!
Have you and your partner tried using condoms? Sometimes that decreases sensitivity.
Also, it may not necessarily be a medical issue. I assume that he now gets pretty anxious when he thinks of having sex. He wants it to last longer, but he knows he may not be able to control it, he probably wonders if he is satisfying you and then he may start thinking “what’s the point of doing it, it’s going to be over too quickly…” and the cycle just keeps repeating.
So, rule out anything medical first, but he may also want to consider seeing a therapist if this continues and there is nothing physically wrong with him.
Post # 9
That’s tough. It could be medical, psychological, or both. Hopefully he will decide to go to the doctor. Let him know that this is very common. I just did a quick check at the mayo clinic website and it says that as many as 1 in 3 men deal with premature ejaculation in their lifetime. good luck.
Post # 10
I don’t know if you mean that it happens in minutes or seconds like Birdie Love says. My husband will orgasm pretty quickly if we are having quick sex (within minutes) so I have to slow him down or be on top so that I have control over the motions of sex. If it is quickly, like a few seconds, you really should get him to go to a doctor. That really isn’t normal and he could have a serious problem.
Post # 11
@missAsB I completely, totally second that.
My fh will be quick…IF the sex we are having is quick errr a “quickie” but if it is within secs that isn’t normal. see a doctor and they can absolutly help you 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
At this point, it’s probably psychological because he’s anticipating it and stressing over it. I really doubt there’s anything physically wrong with him.
The first link has information about the stop-start technique, but also does he masturbate? That usually helps too.
Q&A: How To Last Longer In Bed And Stop Premature Ejaculation
Q&A: Premature Ejaculation And Decreased Arousal
Post # 13
It’s probably psychological. Even though you both hate condoms you could try the Trojan extended pleasure condoms.
Post # 14
when I say “premature” yes, I am talking within like 1 minute…which is totally not normal for us. when we first met it would last for a good long time – that meaning 10 – 15 minutes (sometimes longer but usually around 10)…whereas now it’s literally within like 1 – 2 minutes and he hates it. 🙁
I agree it could be the whole “he’s afraid he knows what’s coming” and so that may be triggering it as he KNOWS it’s not going to last…
I keep trying to tell him to call the doc – after the last time this happend (sat night) he was all, “yeah, I need to”…course I give him the list and he’s like “well, let’s try some other things first” (condom, maybe some sort of topical…) I know he’s just embarrased – but we want to TTC immediately after the wedding this year and I don’t want this to be an issue (well, ever, really, obviously…)
I SINCERELY appreciate EVERYONE’s responses to this very personal matter. Believe me, I will keep pushing him to go to the doc (specially now that he has insurance!). I will also check out those links ya’ll provided me. Thank you!!!
Post # 15
Did you try changing positions? That helps too and also, when he is about to eject, pull it out and squeeze it real tight! Trust me, this works! When I first met FI it happened and he was so embarassed, then I did research and heard that the squeeze method helps and now its the best thing ever! We use the squeeze method when im giving him oral too! Good luck
Post # 16
If he wants to try condoms etc. first, I’ve seen commercials for durex condoms that have a special densensitizing lubrication inside (I’m pretty sure they’re called performax). I’ve never used them but if he is really afraid of the doctor’s, it might be worth a try! Good luck. I know a lot of men feel uncomfortable going to the doctor.