Post # 1
Hey Ladies, I have a personal question about your sex life…
My Fiance and I have been together now for 3.5 years, and we rarely have sex.. maybe once a month. And usually that often because we realize its been so long. Is this normal? I don’t feel like it is, but at the same time, don’t feel the urge to “do it” more often. Im 25 and he’s 26 so it seems to me we’re a bit young to have this portion of our relationship fizzle. It wasn’t like this for us before so slightly concerned. I want to fix this problem before we are married.
Have you had this problem? And if so, how did you “fix” it.
Post # 3
Has anything happened in the relationship that can be straining to either of you guys, like cheating, sickness, work overload, children, etc? How was your sex life before? Have you tried being spontaneous? Are both of you all open minded?
Post # 4
Are either of you on SSRI anti-depressants?
Post # 5
@Goyardgyrl: He has slipped once. Didn’t cheat but was up to no good on the internet… that definetly made a big impact on our relationship and is probably partially to blame for less sex. But I feel we’ve grown past that together and have found a new level of trust. He was very stressed at his job which we also attributed to the low sex drive, but he recently changed jobs and nothing has changed.
I know that part of the problem is that I’m not overly satisfied when we have sex. We have spoken about this numerous times and have tried different things. I know I’m probably the root cause because he knows that I don’t enjoy it all that much, as it feels more like work when he gets all the enjoyment. I’ve told him what I like, but he always goes back to his old ways, which don’t work for me. I’ve asked him to do things as simple as kissing my neck, but he will do it once then not again. I think I’ve become kind of resentful of the fact that sex is all about him and that even though I’ve let him know what I like, he still does what works best for him.
Post # 6
It’s perfectly normal for your sex life to decrease as time goes on… That said it’s only a problem if one or both of you think it’s a problem. My husband is 32 and I am 26 and we have sex about once a month, sometimes more sometimes less… I would prefer is we had more sex, but it’s usually not too much of a problem.
I know for us it doesn’t have to do with lack of affection or sexual feelings for eachother, my husband just works a lot and has a pretty steressful job so when he comes home he doesn’t feel like doin the deed. And him and I work opposite schedules so I’m asleep when he does come home and busy when he wakes up in the afternoon.
My advice is discuss it and see if either of you are bothered by your current sexual relationship and if not then it’s not a problem… if so, then try to figure out what isn’t working, whether is stress, schedules etc. But don’t worry that it isn’t “normal”, there is no normal and as long as everyone is happy there is nothing to worry about!
Post # 7
I’m 26 and I’ve been in 3 “long term” (more than a year) relationships.. this has happened with all of them. Not saying it’s normal, but I can relate. Sometimes I feel like we are stuck in the same routine and need to be more spontaneous, it’s hard with Fiance working full time, getting his masters degree and us having 2 small children (one of them being 5 months old). By 9pm we are tired! lol
Post # 8
@StuporDuck: no antidepressants – Birth control but thats it
Post # 9
@lanny: I’ve told him what I like, but he always goes back to his old ways, which don’t work for me. I’ve asked him to do things as simple as kissing my neck, but he will do it once then not again. I think I’ve become kind of resentful of the fact that sex is all about him and that even though I’ve let him know what I like, he still does what works best for him.
There’s your trouble. Until this is fixed, the sex life won’t improve, and neither will your relationship. He needs to give as much as he gets!!
Post # 10
@lanny: birth control made my sex drive 100% non existant. i’m not sure if it does that to everyone though, it also made me an irritable crazy person lol.
Post # 12
Talk to your guy. It’s easy for life to just get in the way. If you want more sex make a concious effort. Set a night and a time. Maybe make it a date night? Think about it during the day to get yourself in the mood. Maybe read a sexy story?
Post # 13
@lanny: Until he is able to focus on you and your needs in the bedroom your sex life is not goin to improve. I think you need to have a serious convo with him about what your needs are, how they aren’t being met, and how all of that is afftecting you and your relationship.
Post # 15
One possible way to try to rekindle the spark: Have a night that is specifically designated to be All About You. Where the only goal is for him to make you feel turned on, excited, and satisfied. I know my man would be excited to do this, and I would think any man who loves his partner would feel the same way.
Post # 16
@mightywombat: I agree. It isn’t right that it is all about his pleasure and not about your own. The best partners care about their partner first before themselves.