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So, I'm waiting until I'm married to have sex (84 more days....eee!), and I was wondering for those wouldn't mind sharing...
How much did it hurt the first time? I know that every woman is different, but was there anything that helped any pain that you had? Or did you have any?
Thanks bees!
I found it rather painful the first few times. Maybe take some ibuprofen before hand. Stay relaxed though and take your time.
It hurt a bit at first, and also he was getting used to how far to go in and sometimes it would hit me the wrong way and that would hurt. It was mostly uncomfortable because I wasn't used to it, but we used lots of lube and it was OK. I definitely recommend lube!! Literally, put it all over him and you (inside you, that is).
But the next day I felt like I had cramps, and it was a little weird walking around! But that lasted maybe a day. I did not bleed, so that was good.
I didn't find it hurt too much..he took his time, he had experience though while I didn't. The first time probably will happen quickly just take your time, make sure you involve some foreplay so that your body is ready and relax.
It does hurt, but it's only temporary. Lubricant does help. I ended up having a bladder infection afterward. So if you are honeymooning far away fromn home, you may want to ask your doctor about it, so you are prepared. But that was just me. The key is take your time and enjoy.
i didn't enjoy for like, the first 5 times i had sex. it took time for me to like, let go and enjoy what was going on. i also got a uti after the first time or two.
I don't know why, but I had absolutely zero pain our first time. I was very scared it was going to since everyone always says it is painful, but for whatever reason we had no issues. I was pleasantly surprised by the whole experience! lol
take your time, relax and use lots of lube! it did hurt for me, as husband and i were both unexperience. it may depend on how well endowed he is as well (if you catch my drift). i felt bruised all weekend. lol
Just take your time and let it happen naturally. It never hurt for me, but I would recommend a lot of foreplay- just saying- it might make it more comfortable than if he rushes right on in ;)
i didnt have any pain. i would say to just take things slow and enjoy it. & relax! :)
My first time was a long time ago, LOL, but I don't remember it hurting. I do remember however it not being pleasurable either. It wasn't awful or painful, don't get me wrong, it just wasn't anything. For me, it wasn't like the movies (or how it is now) where it's this incredible night of pleasure type thing. It was just..... whatever. It took a few times until it was "good" and felt nice for me too.
Mine was a while ago too, but it didn't hurt. I had been a dancer for numerous years. It was awkward because I had no clue on what I was doing and he did but didn't take time to explain things to me (stupid boys! LOL)
If you feel it hurt, change positions or just shift a little until it doesn't or feels like its not painful. Don't be nervous (easier said than done!).
(warning major TMI ahead) I am 100% that my hymen was already well broken and things down there fairly stretched out due to self-exploration, but it hurt about the first four or five times I had sex (but there was definitely no bleeding). The first time, I had him very slowly ease in because a)I was still really tight and he had to work to get in, and b) it hurt A LOT. He didn't manage to get the whole way in the first time. The second time we repeated the slowly working in process and it still hurt just as much, but he got the whole way in that time. The third, fourth, and maybe fifth times, it definitely still hurt, but we actually managed to have sex and not just penetrate once and be done. I was totally relaxed too, and very well-lubricated, we'd had lots of foreplay beforehand. I didn't actually ENJOY it until my next boyfriend, but that's unrelated. Once I got past the pain the first few times, had I actually really wanted to be having sex with the guy who took my virginity, I may have enjoyed it. I certainly enjoy it now.
I'm actually surprised how much trouble I had the first few times. Some people don't have any trouble, hopefully you'll be one of them, and then some people have pain for a while, like me! Hopefully you'll be in the first camp, good luck. ;)
I will second all the responses above about lubricant (even if you are using condoms that are lubricated). I always figured that it should be enough, but once we figured out that we just needed a little extra, it totally changed things!
I didn't have any pain either. I'm sure my hymen was non-existent by that point due to horseback riding, etc and he wasn't exactly...supersized so I'm sure that helped a lot. ;-)
It didn't hurt for me the first time, and I think the best thing you can do is relax (maybe 1 glass of wine beforehand?) wait until you feel 'ready' (ie make out for a while first) and communicate - he won't mind if has to take it slow the first few times.
There were some really basic things that took me years to figure out because no one ever told me, so I'll tell you now, and apologise if it's tmi!
a) as all the other girls have said, use plenty of lubricant! b) do every possible to avoid a uti. After you finish having sex, don't wait more than 5 mins before getting up and heading to the bathroom. Empty your bladder, then have a shower and use specially formulated, gynacologically tested shower wash (like FemFresh) and wash yourself 'down there.' Dry yourself gently with a towel, then drink a glass of cranberry juice. Now I do this every time we have sex and I haven't had a uti since.
I second ls18 - make sure to pee afterward (force yourself if necessary) because a UTI is the most uncomfortable thing ever (especially if you're on a honeymoon with no access to meds).
It didn't hurt for me at all, but I have a friend who's been married for 2 months and still hasn't had sex without incredible amounts of pain - everyone is different. It definitely wasn't magical when we first had sex - it probably took nearly 6 months before we got the hang of it. We pushed through it though, and now it's great. It'll take a while, but you'll eventually get the hang of it (and even like it!). My biggest advice is to just keep trying - don't wait more than 2-3 days inbetween either.
I think alot has to do with 1) tons of lube (artificial if necessary) and 2) your level of comfort with the situation. Your first time is always a little nerve racking. So anticipate using lotsa lube, because your body's natural response to nervousness is to "dry up". My first time was not bad at all, but would have been way better had I known about using lube - granted this was a long time ago. After that first time of awkwardness, it was great. Relax and enjoy. I have to admit I'm a little jealous of women who were able to wait till their wedding night, what an amazing experience to be able to share with your husband. We are going to be sex-free for 3 mos before our wedding to try to have some extra excitement. Good luck
Sorry this may be MAJOR TMI...but maybe try to REALLY relax about it and make sure you are really wet down there...either "your own" lube or bottle made...It might be easier since the anticipation of the wedding night might make you excited, but hopefully it won't make you anxious because that might have a totally opposite effect.
I agree with andrea - I was soooo "excited" aka wet my first time and it didn't hurt at all and even had an orgasm my first time.
I would also recommend knowing your body. If you know how to pleasure yourself you will know how to move to get pleasure during sex.
One big thing that all of the girls have mentioned is RELAX and have fun!
I don't remember it actually hurting, just more of a burning sensation.
I second all the other sugestions. Relax, get some lube and make sure to pee after. Most importantly, have fun! It's just sex, for real. No need to take it too seriously.
I think it depends on the guy. My first was very...endowed...so I was in A LOT of pain the first time, and didnt successfully and fully have sex for a while afterwards. Did I mention the swelling (sorry if TMI)? Just have lubrication on hand and take it slow, and stay on the bottom, being on top doesnt help for first timers. Also, take something (tylenol or advil) before and be prepared to take something afterward. Dont try to make this into something out of a movie or tv, your first time should be what you make it.
also, there wasnt any bleeding for me until a year or so later with someone else, so dont worry if you do or dont...
and I have to add no orgasm either...that didnt come until years later when I discovered what I really like about sex ; )...hope this helps!
Mine was years ago too bakerella, about 10yrs now.LOL
My first time didn't hurt at all. I say have tons of foreplay. I've never used lube, not even for my first time. Foreplay will help so lube may not be needed. Never just jump into it and you aren't wet. Relax!
My first time (and hubby's too) was on our wedding night, so I know exactly how you feel! The first night, I was too nervous to relax enough, but he took it really slow, which helped a lot. It didn't hurt, but it was difficult to get in the first couple of times, and it wasn't really enjoyable, but not bad either - just kinda neutral. Lube was helpful, but don't use too much, because once you get it in, it'll be way too slippery (sorry if that was TMI!). A little goes a long way :) We've only been married a month, but have learned a ton, so if you have any questions for a fellow wedding night virgin, feel free to PM me!
Gah the first few times I had sex the next day I would think to myself "never again" it honestly felt like I had been ripped apart from the inside. But my partner was well endowed, and I think that really impacts the pain level. Don't over drink on the wedding day/night (if you drink), don't let your partner either (if he drinks), don't use TOO much lube - or it might not be enough friction for him to finish - and don't stress out if sex kinda sucks for the first few times.
Then again maybe it will be magic. So there's always that possibility.
It hurt me too. We took it slowly, and there were a couple stops and starts because it didn't exactly turn FI on to see me wince in pain!
I think beyond the man's *size,* what matters is the body proportions of both partners. I am 5'1", 120 lbs, and FI is 6'1", 190 lbs. It kind of makes sense that it would be a tight fit. I have a friend who is the same height as her FI, and I don't think she's going to have as hard a time. She's waiting til the wedding night too. Does anyone else here corroborate my anecdotal evidence?
I second everyone above--go slow, use lube. Ahead of time, make sure that you know how to touch each other and are comfortable naked together. I think it's best when you can kind of ease slowly into sex, over months or years, getting comfortable using hands and mouths first and learning how to please each other. The trust that you can build that way really helps. Sex can be scary, especially your first time! Good luck and have fun!
Luckily first time was pain free. Foreplay and lube are *key* IMO. Relaxing as much as you can will help too. The more tense or nervous you are, the less enjoyable it will be. I will say that my first was not really pleasurable though. It was definitely blah (can't think of another way to describe it!) because neither of us knew what we were doing. The good sex comes a little later. :)
Yeah, ditto to all who say the good sex comes with practice. My first several times weren't orgasmic by any means but it was with the man I love, which made it magical. :)
I guess I'm the outlier here...our first time was very pleasurable, and there was no pain at all for me. Granted, I'd been a user of tampons for about six years already, so that probably helped, but to be honest, you just have to make sure you're really turned on. BF and I cuddled, kissed, touched, etc, etc. for a good 2 hours and finally it just..happened. Just stay relaxed and don't try anything too crazy.
I would suggest to use lube. I actually used to use water based lubicant but I hate that it evaporates so quickly. My ob-gyn recommended this stuff called PINK it's a silicone based lubricant. I think you have to buy it online. I got the large bottle for home and bought the smaller bottle so I could take it with me on my honeymoon. I love it. I'm never going back to the water based stuff.
As for the pain, I honestly don't remember if it hurt. Then again I didn't really have the big O until a while. I didn't know really what to expect the first few times.
I would say relax and make sure you really want to. Make sure to do some foreplay before it.
My first time was many moons ago, but it didn't hurt...however, we had some trouble figuring it out.
I don't think anyone else mentioned this problem - but my first time wasn't easy (we were both virgins), and there was trouble figuring out how we fit together, if you will. (Sorry if this is TMI) - but he would just push forward and wouldn't go anywhere, as if there were a roadblock. So my advice is be patient, try different positions, and relax. The car won't find it's way into a garage unless the garage door is open & ready for the car!! :-). But be aware that you might have to try a few angles and it might be a little awkward before everything goes where it needs to go :-).
But don't worry, it only gets better!!
My first time I had no pain it was just weird BC neither one of us knew what we were doing.
If this doesn't defeat the purpose of waiting I would try maybe go and getting a "toy" to practice with by yourself just to get use to the feeling.
It felt sort of tight and I did feel tearing (and I've ridden horses and used tampons so it's not like my hymen was never stretched before). Just go slowly, make sure that if you tell him to stop, he does right away. I would use some extra lube and make sure to have lots of foreplay!
Painful! Not after a while, though.
Remember to use the restroom right afterward, though.
Just thought I'd second yrret107's answer: as much as everyone recommends lube, a Silicon-based lube is really the best for the first few times (and also works well in the shower!) Pretty much any adult store and most larger grocery stores/drugstores should have at least 1-2 silicone types.
I would just say that you should try to talk to him beforehand about each of your expectations - we had to try a few times (to the point he was ready to give up) before we were successful. If its too intense or you can't get yourself to relax, then its okay to take a break and try again later.
I wish I could help you, but I grew up riding horses & I'm pretty sure that I didn't have anything to "break".
I double the sentiments on lube. For me, my BCP dries me out, and it just makes everything more enjoyable.
Advil before will be a help, but definately don't "tense".. that will make things uncomfortable to boot.
Good luck!
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