Post # 1
My Darling Husband definitely has a different approach to people than I do. Because of this there are some times when I feel awkward.
For example, he wanted to just drop in on some friends of his yesterday. Without calling or anything. Just randomly show up at their doorstep. To me that’s extremely rude but he says he’s done it before and it’s no big deal.
He’s definitely forced me to be more outgoing, but that also means feeling out of place and it forces me into small talk that I’m just not good at with people that I only vaguely know.
How have you dealt with similar differences in your friendship or personality styles?
Does your SO handle friends differently?
Have they expected you to go along with that or been understanding about differences?
Have you felt any personality clashes with the way you deal with life in general?
Post # 3
@kala_way: We are pretty much the same in the way we handle friends, but some of that is because we have shared the same group of friends even before we ever met.
We don’t have many differences but if there are some slight ones I stand behind the way he handles friends as does he with me.
Personality clashes – not really, except I am more se la vie than he is. Sometimes I just have to tell him not to worry about something, we will figure it out. When he gets stressed he internalizes it, but I have learned the signs and can usually get him to talk about them before his head pops off. And once in awhile his old demons of projecting his ex’s issues onto me have popped out but I think we are at the end to that.
Post # 4
Once Darling Husband and I were on a stroll and we saw this guy with car trouble. We were quite near our place so I suggested to Darling Husband to ask the guy if he needs any help. Darling Husband flat out refused to ask. Said he can look @ the guy and he can tell that the guy doesn’t need any help. (Guy was trying to push his troubled car out of the way of the traffic lane into a side-street.) I suggested we still ask out of politeness. And Darling Husband wouldn’t budge on that saying that we don’t even have a car with us, how will we help him. I said we are very close by and can go and get the car incase this guy’s car needs a boost. Darling Husband is generally a very carying, helpful personality who goes out of his way to help ppl. THIS action of his kinda made me go “What the?”
I handled it by just staying quiet about it after I said that it would be polite to at least ask that man. I realized then that what he said and did seemed wrong to me but what I was saying was also seeming really wrong to HIM from his own perspective. At the end of the day, it was not a severe situation so it was simply not worth the argument.
Post # 5
@tksjewelry: I hear you about the worrying. My Darling Husband is definitely a ‘dweller’. I say something to him that has no motive or crazy double meaning and I can just see him spinning it around in his head. He finds it really hard to just let things go, whether it’s things people say or missed opportunities.
@Sasha2011: Those are the kind of things that can cause arguments if you don’t step back from the situation. Maybe he’d asked someone in the past and they reacted badly or maybe his dad told him never to do that because he knew someone who got robbed like that. It could be a hundred things butjumping to conclusions about why people make those kidn of decisions rarely ends well.
Post # 6
@kala_way: My boyfriend will do the same thing with dropping in on some friends without calling. It always make me uncomfortable because I would never think to do that, I find it a bit rude.
We have pretty different personalities in general. With friends he is more sarcastic and blunt, I can be sarcastic but I am the one always making sure everyone is happy. He is a homebody and I prefer to go out and am very social at parties. I stress easy over small stuff and he seems to never stress. I don’t trust people easily, I think he trusts everyone. In all I think we probably balance each other out.
Post # 7
My fiancé and I are completely different haha. With his friends, they go into each other’s kitchens and help themselves to whatever and don’t knock before coming in. Setting boundaries for his friends in our home was the HARDEST part about moving in together. He was offended I couldn’t be okay with his best friend barging in, leaving dirty footprints on white carpet, and going through our cupboards/fridge. There have been a few fights, but a year and a half later his friends knock and ask for stuff sarcastically. Which is whatever. They overract when I ask them to just please ask first and act like I’m refusing to let them sit down or something. His friend is very immature, though.
Personality in general, we’re opposites. He’s very laid back, I like things a certain way. I’m emotional, he’s controlled. We’re learning how to compromise. Like last night, I found out that the roommate of someone that one of our friend’s dated passed away. She was 25. I started crying looking at her facebook and everything everyone had been saying and how her husband is just devasted and how sad that was. My fiancé was BAFFLED. He couldn’t understand why I’d be sad about someone I’d heard of passing away. I had to explain to him that for me, I’m very sympathetic and I was thinking about how hard it is for her widower and how hard it would be to lose my fiancé or sibling and it reminded me of my cousin who died and of my grandma…I ended up breaking down and just crying and told him it’s fine if he’s not sad, but he needs to just acknowledge that I’m upset and that it’s a sad situation.
So he did, but it’s things like that where he’s just a little immature on the emotional front. I’m also learning how to just relax when things don’t go how they’re supposed to, because it’s hard for me to cope with change. So it’s a lot of communicating our needs in different situations. But we make it work 🙂 We balance each other in that way.