Post # 1
I need some advice on how to handle this…
I only have two BM. My sister and FI’s sister. I am not very close with her but I am on good terms with her. She texted me earlier this week to let me know my XMAS present should be coming in the mail this week from Esty. It just got dropped off at my door step but inside it was wrapped with brown tissue but the receipt and picture of the gift was attached.
I knew right away before glancing at the gift what it was. A beautiful hanger that says, “Mrs.So&So”. I am going stay Mrs.Goodnight. I am not changing my last name! I did not think to tell her! Oops! Like I said before I am not very close.
They rest of my family knows but I did not tell his side mostly because I do not have a very close relationship with them. I even planned on having my officiant work that into our ceremony so everyone is on the same page that I kept my name.
I understand people will call me that, address me as so, no problem. It will happen.
How do I tell her when I thank her for her gracious gift? Do I tell her at all?
The Family plans on Skyping us Christmas morning to open gifts infront of each other. She is going to find out eventually! I just talked to his mother about forming a closer bond with her so I don’t want to lie!
Help me Bees!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Don’t mention that you’re not changing your name.
It’s still a fun gift for your closet. 😀
Post # 4
@IreneGoodnight: I wouldn’t say anything. I would get a picture with it on the day and then hang it in the back of your closet. Even if you don’t take his name you are ‘technically’ Mrs Goodnight, you’re just choosing not to take that name on. It’s a sweet gesture, I think bringing it up would just make her feel bad and be awkward (and maybe start an argument Christmas day depending on the family dynamic)
Post # 5
@IreneGoodnight: Awwww… that was a sweet idea but, yeah, in this day and age it’s a little silly to not ask. Don’t say anything. Just thank her for the thoughtful gift. She’ll figure it out at the wedding. It might be a little awkward, but there’s not much to be done about it.
Post # 6
My MOH did something similar. She addressed our Christmas card this year to Jane and John Smith instead of Jane Doe and John Smith and then on the inside said something like “I’m so excited about your wedding, as you can see, I’ve already addressed the card to your married selves!” She was so excited about this cute thing she did, I can’t bear to tell her that I’m on the fence about changing my name.
I agree with PP, thank her for the gift and just leave the name change thing for another time.
Post # 7
Don’t worry about it. It still applies, since you are marrying that guy with that name. You’ll probably get called Mrs HisLast sometimes anyway. Just say thank you and move on.
Post # 8
It was a thoughtful gesture and it probably never occurred to her that you would keep your own last name. Thank her for the gift. Tell her its adorable. Like @MsGinkgo: suggested, get a photo snapped of it on your wedding day then toss it in the closet. Fortunately, its just a hanger. She didn’t buy something like jewelry that she may expect to see you in frequently.
Post # 9
Thank you! I do not want her to feel bad or awkward. Lucky for me they are not the fighting kind. I will just thank her and get a picture with it on the big day.
Post # 10
I didn’t even think about it being jewelry. Thank god that is not the case! That would be terrible. I am such a sucker. I would even consider changing my last name because the thought of not wearing the gift would kill me. LOL!
Post # 11
Don’t lie about it!
Do you love the gift, even though it’s technically got the wrong name on it?
You do not have to say a thing about the name – just say that the hanger is lovely.
People will call you Mrs. WrongName after the wedding, whether your officiant announces it or not. You don’t have to use the hanger for your wedding day – it’s a gift, and you can do with it whatever you please.
Post # 12
As someone who is also keeping her own name, and who is very adament about it, I feel like I still wouldn’t be that upset about this, in the context of the wedding day. You have every right to feel the way you do about it, but if it were me personally, I might think it was a cute wedding day thing and that’s about it.
The other day I tweeted that it would be 100 days until FI was “MR. [Myfirst] [Mylast]”, just to be cheeky. He’s keeping his own name, too, which might be more obvious in his case than in yours… but I still feel like it’s funny to call him the Future Mr. [Mylast] leading up to our wedding. I have zero expectations of him caving and taking my own name.
Again… you are entitled to feel however you want here, and I respect and support it. But maybe this isn’t as terrible as it may seem? Unless this is something that you’ve repeatedly talked to her about and she’s being willfully ignorant of your feelings on the matter, I’d be willing to chalk this up to a sweet gesture.
Post # 13
I do love the gift! That is not a lie! I just was worried that I would be lying if I did not say anything now or until the wedding day. I am actually excited about having a hanger for the big day because my brain does not even think in that way of thinking about having a good hanger for the pictures. My crazy fluffy leopard ones will just not do. haha!
Post # 14
She is a sweet traditional girl so I know she ment it as a lovely gesture. That is why I was so torn. I am so passive so the idea of me telling someone the gift is “wrong” per say hurts. I think saying Thanks because I truly mean it is the way to go. I am not going to correct her.
Post # 15
@IreneGoodnight: That’s true. It’s also just a hanger, not a marriage certificate. Your hanger can say Mrs. Wrongname because it’s like saying Mrs. LOOK AT ME IM GETTING MARRIED
I mean, if you like it why not let her know? You don’t have to say a peep about the surname thing, just that you love the hanger and it’s way better than the zebra striped one with the neon green bow ;P
Post # 16
@IreneGoodnight: It’s probably a good idea to sneak into conversation somewhere along the line that you are planning to keep your name, just so there’s no confusion and you don’t feel you’re misleading her. But it doesn’t have to be in direct response to her gift.
Maybe you could ask her to kindly spread it around that you’re keeping your name, because you’re worried about people writing checks to Mrs. Hislast and that it’ll be hard for you to cash them? Wedding party people often take responsibility for the word-of-mouth need-to-know items like that.