Personalized Gift from BM….but I am NOT changing my Last Name.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Don’t mention that you’re not changing your name.

It’s still a fun gift for your closet. 😀

Post # 4
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@IreneGoodnight:  I wouldn’t say anything.  I would get a picture with it on the day and then hang it in the back of your closet.  Even if you don’t take his name you are ‘technically’ Mrs Goodnight, you’re just choosing not to take that name on.  It’s a sweet gesture, I think bringing it up would just make her feel bad and be awkward (and maybe start an argument Christmas day depending on the family dynamic)

Post # 5
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@IreneGoodnight:  Awwww… that was a sweet idea but, yeah, in this day and age it’s a little silly to not ask. Don’t say anything. Just thank her for the thoughtful gift. She’ll figure it out at the wedding. It might be a little awkward, but there’s not much to be done about it. 

Post # 6
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My MOH did something similar. She addressed our Christmas card this year to Jane and John Smith instead of Jane Doe and John Smith and then on the inside said something like “I’m so excited about your wedding, as you can see, I’ve already addressed the card to your married selves!” She was so excited about this cute thing she did, I can’t bear to tell her that I’m on the fence about changing my name.

I agree with PP, thank her for the gift and just leave the name change thing for another time.

Post # 7
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Don’t worry about it. It still applies, since you are marrying that guy with that name. You’ll probably get called Mrs HisLast sometimes anyway. Just say thank you and move on. 

Post # 8
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

It was a thoughtful gesture and it probably never occurred to her that you would keep your own last name. Thank her for the gift. Tell her its adorable. Like @MsGinkgo: suggested, get a photo snapped of it on your wedding day then toss it in the closet. Fortunately, its just a hanger. She didn’t buy something like jewelry that she may expect to see you in frequently.

Post # 11
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Don’t lie about it! 
Do you love the gift, even though it’s technically got the wrong name on it?

You do not have to say a thing about the name – just say that the hanger is lovely.

People will call you Mrs. WrongName after the wedding, whether your officiant announces it or not. You don’t have to use the hanger for your wedding day – it’s a gift, and you can do with it whatever you please.

Post # 12
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

As someone who is also keeping her own name, and who is very adament about it, I feel like I still wouldn’t be that upset about this, in the context of the wedding day. You have every right to feel the way you do about it, but if it were me personally, I might think it was a cute wedding day thing and that’s about it.

The other day I tweeted that it would be 100 days until FI was “MR. [Myfirst] [Mylast]”, just to be cheeky. He’s keeping his own name, too, which might be more obvious in his case than in yours… but I still feel like it’s funny to call him the Future Mr. [Mylast] leading up to our wedding. I have zero expectations of him caving and taking my own name.

Again… you are entitled to feel however you want here, and I respect and support it. But maybe this isn’t as terrible as it may seem? Unless this is something that you’ve repeatedly talked to her about and she’s being willfully ignorant of your feelings on the matter, I’d be willing to chalk this up to a sweet gesture.

Post # 15
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@IreneGoodnight:  That’s true. It’s also just a hanger, not a marriage certificate. Your hanger can say Mrs. Wrongname because it’s like saying Mrs. LOOK AT ME IM GETTING MARRIED

I mean, if you like it why not let her know? You don’t have to say a peep about the surname thing, just that you love the hanger and it’s way better than the zebra striped one with the neon green bow ;P

Post # 16
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@IreneGoodnight:  It’s probably a good idea to sneak into conversation somewhere along the line that you are planning to keep your name, just so there’s no confusion and you don’t feel you’re misleading her. But it doesn’t have to be in direct response to her gift.

Maybe you could ask her to kindly spread it around that you’re keeping your name, because you’re worried about people writing checks to Mrs. Hislast and that it’ll be hard for you to cash them? Wedding party people often take responsibility for the word-of-mouth need-to-know items like that.

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