Post # 1
FI and I have been engaged since March of last year. Our wedding is in 75 days. He’s a hopeless romantic and talked about how this year would be so much fun, and happy, and lovey – IT HASN’T BEEN EVEN CLOSE. Between family and friend issues and feuds, 2 pop-up weddings that I was in (that he would have been happy without attending) problems with both of those weddings, spending money on those weddings plus a baby shower, the wedding budget and just wedding planning in general, I’m on the verge on tears every day right now.
We get into stupid arguments and he jokes around saying “I don’t even like you any more, maybe we’re just not meant for eachother”. He tells me he’s obviously just joking, but I can’t freaking take it any more! Theres been so much stress and frustration that I can’t help but feel like part of him means these awful things, and it breaks my heart and makes me miserable. Worst of all it makes me question if this is the right thing?! I mean, WTF!
All this effort, money, family, ….in the bottom of my heart I know this is the right thing for me. But his attitude is seriously concerning me. I’ve talked to him about this once before, a few weeks ago, and he promised he would never say those hurtful “jokes” again, but he did it yesterday when we got into stupid fight over watching the football game! (I wanted to and he didn’t – wtf??)
He seriously dosn’t understand how much he’s upsetting me, and when I try telling him he says that I’m starting a fight. It’s like all lines of communication are down and we need some repair.
Anyone think premarital counseling is a good idea? I’m starting to think so….. 🙁
Post # 3
I can relate. FI and I had a fight last night where I told him I thought we were sort of drifting apart. He took it to mean I was having doubts about the wedding, which is just a few weeks before yours.
I think it’s just stress – I look too much into things. I told him I didn’t think he was as romantic and affectionate as he used to be, he told me nothing has changed and he thinks I am just overanalyzing things.
Oh well. I definitely don’t think that we need counseling. I think it is just the stress of all of the planning catching up to us.
I know there’s no real advice here, but just wanted to let you know that you definitely aren’t alone.
Post # 4
There is nothing wrong with pre marital counseling. Most ministers actually require it. I just suggested to FI because we too have been arguing over little things. He was 100% onboard with it!
Post # 5
i think premarital counseling is great, whether you have problems or you don’t. We are required (in the catholic church) to have a full day of “counseling” plus several meeting with the preist. I am really looking forward to it because it will bring up things such as finances to having children. I’ve always been an advocate of counseling no matter how big or little the issue, i’ve always found it helpful. plus its always nice to have a mediator when discussing anything. Though if you choose this route i would be careful on how you bring it up to FI…some people can get offended and think counseling is only for those who have horrible problems..which i dont find that to be the case at all.
Post # 6
Another vote for premarital counseling – people say wedding planning is like a hazing process for couples. Yes things are stressful now, but why not repair it at the beginning instead of letting things fester? Whatever issues appear under stress will not magically go away when the wedding is over.
I agree, btw, that he absolutely should NOT be saying such hurtful things to you.
Post # 7
thanks bees 🙂
neither of us are memeber of a church, so we are being married by a non-denominational reverand. I’m a fan of counseling, so maybe I’ll bring it up.
@lindsay – it’s nice to hear i’m not the only one getting emotional over (or even just HAVING) these stupid fights. And ya know, just this morning he started with the whole “romance is a 2 way street” bit – I felt like telling him every time he says some d-bag thing to me, my interest in romance evaporates.
I just hope this all ends with the wedding…
Thanks for listening girls, it’s nice to feel like your being heard <3
Post # 8
My DH and I did it and it was the best thing for us. We never outright fought, and the disagreements we would have we always worked through it, but after we got engaged we had HORRIBLE issues with his family, and it was literally ripping us a part that we almost called it off because I couldn’t take the drama with his family anymore and us constantly at each other. We went to 2 sessions and it was the best thing for us, after the session we were back to normal and able to tackle the issues together. I don’t think that with everyone it will take 2 sessions, but for us we just needed an outside person to help us manage better.
Post # 9
@almsotSLC: Keep talking to him about this. Seriously. Marriage only works with constant, open comminucation. He needs to know how you feel – again!
Post # 10
I’d like to give an update, I talked to FI last night after work, it was more like him giving me a hug and me turning into a sobbing mess. I told him, again, that even though it’s natural to get on each other’s nerves and to fight and bicker, it’s not ok to throw those low blows, and that it really has a hard hit when he does. I know it’s just him being passive aggressive, and acting childish, but it’s still not cool.
We had a good talk and I’m feeling more renewed today 🙂
Post # 11
You aren’t alone. I have found wedding planning to be seriously one of the worst and most stressful times in my entire life. I feel ashamed to say that I absolutely hate it and it’s been nothing short of a nightmare. Counseling, no matter what, is always a good thing but it’s also “normal” for this to be a difficult time which of course will result in more tension between the two of you. Best of luck, glad you had a good conversation last night 🙂
Post # 12
Some couples grow closer together during the engagement period, while many feel the pressue of the entire process…see this article regarding this topic:
Glad you two were able to talk it through..that’s an encoruaging sign. Premarital counseling is not a bad idea as well, and can only help!